Notice Divorce

Discussion in 'Blazers OT Forum' started by SheedSoNasty, Aug 10, 2019.

  1. SheedSoNasty

    SheedSoNasty Well-Known Member

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    currently going through the process. Have three small children... love them more than life itself.

    Been the worst six months of my life... she hasn’t filed yet but I’ve been out of the house for about five months now. Seeing my kids part time has been absolute torture.

    For those of you who have gone through this, help me in any way you can. Have been thinking of posting this for a while as I’ve been a member for so damn long but haven’t had the courage until tonight now that I’m good and drunk and alone. I hate my life.
     
  2. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    It will be alright. It's painful now but it will get better.
     
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  3. andalusian

    andalusian Season - Restarted

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    Sorry to hear it man. Hope it is resolved soon and you start feeling better soon and get a resolution that gives you time with your kids in a satisfactory way.
     
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  4. riverman

    riverman Writing Team

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    Time bro....and love...kids will need extra doses of love and to see you without obvious pain...my divorce took 3 years to resolve and was a tough one. I got a second chance fortunately years later to marry the right person... My ex didn't make it easy at all...great fuel for playing the blues though...cell phones these days with facetime apps really help out
     
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  5. SheedSoNasty

    SheedSoNasty Well-Known Member

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    My kids have definitely been introduced to “crying dad” lately. It’s been bad. Thanks for your input.
     
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  6. calvin natt

    calvin natt Confeve

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    I have not been through this but people very very close to me have. Torture is a good word. But they made it through fine. It takes time. You have three little kids so you have to think about what you want this to look like for their sake. You put on the best face possible for them and go ahead and let it out when you aren’t with them. Also, I would think seeing a therapist would be hugely important. Stay strong and positive.
     
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  7. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    Don't be afraid to tell your kids the truth. They may be young but they need to hear that their mother is a Laker fan.
     
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  8. KingSpeed

    KingSpeed Veteran

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    Give us more details, Sheed. Why are you getting a divorce? My sister got a divorce and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was out of the bad relationship and then found someone who would have kids with her (the first guy wouldn't) and she had two beautiful children and is very happy. Regardless of the details, you are making space in your life for something wonderful and new.
     
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  9. TorturedBlazerFan

    TorturedBlazerFan Well-Known Member

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    Not going to give you advice.
    Just gonna say my heart feels for you. Seen so many divorces, it can really hurt, it can suck, and its absolutely ok to wear the emotions on your sleeve. The good news is in every season of our lives we can control ourselves and we can come out of it as better, stronger people.
     
  10. Chris Craig

    Chris Craig (Blazersland) I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator Moderator

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    It is going to hurt. A lot. But it will get better. I seperated from my wife for awhile back in 2013. It was the hardest time of my life because all of the shit that was going on between us. My son was only 2. I was where you were, I hated my life. I got down on myself. I got drunk. But, it all turned out to be a blessing in disquise. I was able to grow as a person, as a man. My life is better for it. Things feel like shit now, but that will change. The pain will fade. Life will get good again. All I knew is I had to be strong for my son and to do the best for myself and him I could. Stay strong.
     
  11. PDXFonz

    PDXFonz I’m listening

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    I’ve never been through it aside from coming from a divorced home. So I’m not sure how much advice I can give but I will say this...

    As someone who could be considered adverse to change, and have battled with events in my life which I did not have much control over. I constantly remind myself that things are always bigger/more glaring in their moment. We are creatures of habit, and changing said habit/routine can be difficult for all of us. Especially when that change means not being able to spend as much time with those who mean so much to us. Even though things may never be exactly the way you want them to be, they will eventually feel more routine - and you can find yourself becoming acclimated to the change at which point things may not seem as big as they did before you adjusted.

    It’s a part of life for us to grow apart in our relationships with people. Children generally outlive their parents, friends move or grow apart, kids grow up and move out, sometimes partnerships don’t last. A lot of times this increase in distance is not what we want, and those are the times that they are tough.

    I’m glad you decided to confide in us. Despite the extremely amusing, and sometimes confusing disagreements and back-and-forth’s that have gone on here; this place is overall full of welcoming and respect individuals. It can be nice to know that people have your back and will hope well for you.

    So here’s to hoping things work out for you and your family in a way that works best for all involved parties.
     
  12. Further

    Further Guy

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    I'm a stepdad and although I hope time heals all for you, remember your kids are everything. I have had to deal with many issues regarding damage to my step daughters as a result of the divorce. Make sure your kids come first. Never diminish your ex-wife to your kids, and ask her to reciprocate. Also ask your parents, friends and family to never speak ill of your ex. Your ex is off limits when the children are around.

    My wife never put down her ex (who deserved a lot of scorn) but he incessantly put down my wife directly to the kids. At first, it turned the kids against my wife for a time, but as they grew older they were able to piece together the truth and it has all backfired on their father now that the kids see through his lies. Don't fuck with your kids emotions and don't allow anyone else to do so.

    As far as you are concerned, I wish you the best. But I'll let others give you advice on how you can overcome.
     
  13. stampedehero

    stampedehero Make Your Day, a Doobies Day Staff Member Moderator

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    My son went through it. He wanted a family but seeing his son part time defined how much he loved him. There is no win with the ex as she is a narcistic unforgiving woman. His vow is to his own. He devotes himself to his son as I'm sure you will with your kids.
     
  14. 3RA1N1AC

    3RA1N1AC 00110110 00111001

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    Try to focus on securing your financial sustainability, and getting laid. It’ll be over in no time.
     
  15. CupWizier

    CupWizier Well-Known Member

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    I don't have any personal experience but have seen it often from the outside and my advice is that if possible try and keep a cordial relationship with your ex wife and try and relate to her it's for the good of the kids. Often times kids get caught in the middle so try and avoid any confrontations with her away from the kids. My son's fiance had her parents get divorced when she was younger and both of her parents remarried and although they mentioned they had some rough patches in the beginning, now they often celebrate holidays and do some vacations together with all spouses getting along for the sake of the kids and grandkids. Just remember, the kids are the most important thing and definitely don't put them in the middle of any disagreements that arise.

    Good luck and make sure you use what time you have to continue the bond with your kids.
     
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  16. ABM

    ABM Happily Married In Music City, USA!

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    So sorry to hear. One thing, these are times where family can be a bigtime support. I hope and trust that you have a family (parents, siblings, cousins, close friends, etc.) who will draw by your side and lend encouragement and support to you.
     
  17. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    This song helped me get through my nightmare divorce -
     
  18. Hoopguru

    Hoopguru Well-Known Member

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    Time is a healer and your kids will always be there for you and you for them.
    Ive gone through it...stay busy and involved with some sort of exercise and/or workout.
    Just concentrate on being the best dad you can be, they will always be there.
    The word divorce means death in Greek, but its harder I think as its not as final.
    You have a new chapter and horizon in front of you that will bring you happiness!
    Hang in there bud, it does get easier in time.
     
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  19. barfo

    barfo triggered obsessive commie pinko Staff Member Global Moderator

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    You know the kind of women your wife really hates? Arrange for one of them to accompany you whenever you pick up the kids.

    barfo
     
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  20. Hoopguru

    Hoopguru Well-Known Member

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    I tried that once and it backed fired. The next time I went to pick up the kids before I could get out of my car my X's boyfriend and her walked the kids out to me...
     
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