Funny Joke of the day

Discussion in 'Blazers OT Forum' started by Mediocre Man, Aug 29, 2019.

  1. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    One late night two women were walking home from the bar. As they passed a cemetery, one woman says she has to pee. "So do I" says the other woman.

    They soon find a spot and pee. Afterwards, as they continue home, the first woman says she had to use her panties to wipe with, while the other woman said she was able to find a ribbon from a wreath.

    The next morning the husbands were out playing golf, when one turned to the other and said he was so mad because his wife came home with no panties.

    The other said "you think that's bad, my wife had a card between her butt cheeks that read from all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you"
     
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  2. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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  3. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
    “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
    They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision."
     
  4. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    This Texan goes into a bar in Alaska.
    The Texan says everything is big in Texas where men are men.
    An Alaskan says "Oh yeah, well we don't consider an Alaskan to be a man unless he can drink a full fifth of whiskey straight down without taking a breath of air."
    "Also, a man up here has to spend the night with an Eskimo woman making love to her all night and wrestle a grizzly bear with his bare hands."
    The Texan says "Give me a bottle of your strongest whiskey" and drinks it straight down without taking so much as a tiny gulp of air.
    "Now, point me to a grizzly bear and an Eskimo woman."
    They give him directions to an Eskimo whore house and where to find a grizzly bear.
    The Alaskans return to their drinking knowing they have seen the last of this guy.
    Two days later the Texan returns to the bar. He's bloodied and his clothes are nearly torn off.
    The Texan says "Now where's that Eskimo woman you want me to wrestle?"
     
  5. Road Ratt

    Road Ratt King of my own little world

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    A little boy wanted $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.

    When the sorting office received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President.

    The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5. He thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

    The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God:

    Dear God, Thank you very much for the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington.

    As usual, they deducted $95 for themselves.
     
  6. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    A young boy hears screaming down the hall. He cautiously opened his parents door and saw his dad lying on top of his mom, who was screaming with her legs up in the air.

    His dad, startled, told his son to go back to his room and that he would be there shortly to tuck him in

    In about 15 minutes, as the dad was about to his son's room, he heard screaming coming from his sons room

    The dad walked in, saw his son lying on top of his grandmother and said "what the hell is going on. And his son replied "it's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?
     
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  7. CupWizier

    CupWizier Well-Known Member

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    Two guys sitting in a bar having some drinks when one guy points across the bar at two old drunks and comments "that's us in 10 years". The other guy quips "that's a mirror dipshit."
     
  8. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    So a boy comes home from school and asks his dad to explain the difference between hypothetically and reality.

    His dad tells him to ask his mom if she would have sex with a stranger for a million dollars.

    The son asks his mom, she thinks for a bit and says "yes, I probably would because it would help our family so much"

    The son tells his father what his mother said, and the father then asks his son to ask his big sister if she would have sex with a stranger for a million dollars.

    The son asks his sister and she says "absolutely, that's a ton of money"

    The son goes back to his dad, telling him what his sister said.

    The father replies "there you go, there is your answer."

    "Hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million dollars, but in reality, were just living with a couple of whores."
     
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  9. MarAzul

    MarAzul LongShip

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    :tongue:
    The funniest thing about this one is the list of likes.
    Nobody is dumb enough to wrestle and Eskimo woman!
     
  10. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    Crap, that makes me dipshit.
     
  11. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    A man goes into a bar with his dog.
    The man says to the bartender "Ask my dog any question you like and if he answers it then how about give me a free drink"
    The bartender goes "Okay. Dog, what is the skin of a tree called?" The dog replies "bark, bark"
    The bartender goes "What does sandpaper feel like?" The dog says "Ruff, ruff"
    The bartender then askes "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?" The dog answers "Roof (slurred) roof."
    The bartender says get out of here.
    Once outside the dog says to his master "DiMaggio?"
     
  12. andalusian

    andalusian Season - Restarted

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    There once was a frog family.

    A frog mommy,
    A frog daddy,
    A frog baby
    and a frog doggy.
     
  13. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    I invented a new word.

    Plagiarism
     
  14. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
    Student: "Meat!"
    Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
    Student: "Bacon!"
    Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
    Student: "Homework!"
     
  15. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
    It gets toad away.
     
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  16. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
    A: "Put it on my bill."
     
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  17. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

    The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me."

    The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
     
  18. e_blazer

    e_blazer Rip City Fan

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    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

    The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

    The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
     
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  19. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. “What can I get you?” the bartender asks. “I want six shots of tequila,” responded the young man. “Six shots? Are you celebrating something?” “Yeah, my first blowjob.” “Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house.” “No offense, sir, but if six shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”
     
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  20. barfo

    barfo triggered obsessive commie pinko Staff Member Global Moderator

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    This reminds me somehow of post #15.

    barfo
     
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