Funny Joke of the day

Discussion in 'Blazers OT Forum' started by Mediocre Man, Aug 29, 2019.

  1. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    With Dark Phoenix bombing at the box office and Caitlyn Jenner being a jerk on Instagram, it's been a tough year for X-Men
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2019
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  2. riverman

    riverman Writing Team

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    Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things! ...George Carlin
     
  3. andalusian

    andalusian Season - Restarted

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    A nurse on her lunch break is searching her purse to sign a check. All she finds is a rectal thermometer. Upset, all she can say is "Some asshole has my pen".
     
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  4. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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  5. julius

    julius Global Moderator Staff Member Global Moderator

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    The title said "day" not "century".
     
  6. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    A woman and her friend are walking across a bridge when one woman says she needs to pee. Her friend tells her to go over the side like guys do because no one is around. So the woman drops her pants, hangs her ass over the edge, then calls her friend over.

    She says see that canoe down there? I'm going to pee into it. Her friend looks down, then tells the woman.......

    That's not a canoe, that's your reflection.
     
  7. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    Dude.
     
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  8. TorturedBlazerFan

    TorturedBlazerFan Well-Known Member

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    I want to know... Did you laugh?
     
  9. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    Chuckle.
     
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  10. CupWizier

    CupWizier Well-Known Member

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    A man enters a bar and sits next to an attractive blonde at the bar. He orders a drink and asks the lady what she is watching on tv. She replies that news is showing a guy threatening to jump off a building. He replies that he will bet her $10 that the guy will jump She accepts the bet. A few minutes later the guy jumps and the gal pulls out $10 and gives it to the man. He then refuses to accept as he confesses he had seen it on the news earlier that day. She retorts that she also saw it earlier but didn't believe he would do it again.
     
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  11. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    A woman had her vanity plate application denied because it said PB4UGO. It was later approved. True story. Saw it on the local news last night.
     
  12. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    So wrong thread?
     
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  13. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    Your response was too vague for me.
     
  14. oldfisherman

    oldfisherman Unicorn Wrangler

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    Did you ever notice when you combine the two words "The IRS", it spells "theirs"?
     
  15. Hoopguru

    Hoopguru Know where you are going or end up somewhere else!

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    A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT
    PreviousNext
    A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

    When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

    His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

    ''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

    ''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

    ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''
     
  16. oldfisherman

    oldfisherman Unicorn Wrangler

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    With the rise of self-driving vehicles. It is only a matter of time before we get a country song about a guy's truck also leaving him.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2019
  17. riverman

    riverman Writing Team

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    A guy went into a record store looking for something a little country and a little rap.....the clerk led him to the section entitled CRAP
     
  18. MarAzul

    MarAzul LongShip

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  19. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    But the IRS and what it funds belongs to US. If you don't like your taxes vote for Trump and a Republican Congress. Good luck because the majority ain't gonna please you with their choices.
     
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  20. Lanny

    Lanny Original Season Ticket Holder "Mr. Big Shot"

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    That sounds like my luck.
     

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