With all of the crap going on here lately, I thought a good joke thread could be fun. The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team’s performance soars. They win the county, state and eventually national championship. A few days before the international grand finals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, “Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.” “What?” the coach says in a panic, “How far down does it go?” Penelope replies, “Down to my testicles" HCP walks into a crowded bar brandishing a revolver yelling “Who’s been screwing my wife?” A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, “You don’t have enough ammo, mate!” The Mother Superior calls all the nuns together. She then says to them, “I must tell you something very serious. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.” A nun in the back responds, “Thank God! I’m so tired of Zinfandel.”
One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..." Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you. The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop. Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!" The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surprise, its me the Hippie!" The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"
Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer, the lawyer tells him "Mickey I'm sorry, but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy" Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy"
What goes "clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG! BANG! clip clop clip clop clip clop...?" An Amish drive-by shooting...
I had a joke on this forum with the punchline being "Fuck, MIXUM!" but now I can't find it. EDIT: here it is... from 2009: http://sportstwo.com/threads/151940...-tomorrow!-)?p=2212614&viewfull=1#post2212614
A man on a business trip scours the internet looking for the perfect present for his wife for their 25th anniversary. He finds a beautiful sexy nightie, the most shear nightie he's ever seen, practically invisible. And from some fancy boutique shop, it cost $500, so he buys it and has it shipped to his wife for when he returns home and they have a chance to celebrate. The wife receives it, the most shear nightie she ever saw, and with a huge price tag. So she decides her husband will never notice, she will return the nightie for $500 bucks of spending money and just appear nude, he will never know. The night arrives, the man awaits as his wife walks totally naked into the room, and he says "for $500, you would think they would iron the damn thing"
i bet my butcher $1000 dollars he couldnt reach the meat on the top shelf he said "sorry, i dont like to gamble with steaks that high"
An elderly man moved into a nursing home. After he'd been there a few days, a nurse noticed him leaning to the right, and strapped his left arm to the chair. A few days later, she noticed him leaning to the left, and strapped his right arm to the chair. Not long after that, she noticed him leaning forward in his chair, so she strapped him to the back of the chair. His daughter came to visit him. "How do you like this place?" she asked him. "It's not bad," he replied, "except they won't let me fart."
God says to Adam, “I have some good news and some bad news, what do you want to hear first?” Adam says, “Tell me the good news first.” God says, “I’m going to give you a penis and a brain. From these two gifts you will derive great pleasure and great intellect.” “Wow, God,” Adam replies, “that’s great. But what’s the bad news?” God says, “I’m only going to give you enough of a blood supply to work one at a time.”
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one. When I was a kid I got no respect. I worked in a pet store. People kept askin' how big I get.
