Police Officer On LSD Attempts To Save Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Mascot From Imaginary Fire

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  1. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    PHOENIX, AZ (AP) — Late last night, a Phoenix police officer broke into a local YMCA during a meeting for Christians who are striving to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. The officer’s intentions was to save the organization’s dolphin mascot from a burning fire, but it turned out there was no fire and detectives say the officer was on a “Massive amounts of LSD and hallucinating”.


    When police arrived to arrest 41-year-old Tom Downey of the Phoenix Police Department, they found the man naked, running around in circles and chasing after the group’s dolphin mascot. Downey told detectives he had taken a mixture of LSD, cough medicine and antifreeze earlier that day.

    “He believed that the residence was on fire and he was rescuing the organization’s dolphin mascot,” said Phoenix Officer Rico Lee. “I instructed the mascot to stop, drop and roll which calmed Downey down enough for us to put handcuffs on him. In Downey’s mind, once the dolphin was safe from this imaginary fire, then his job as a police officer was successful. If this had been a real fire, and Downey wouldn’t have been on acid, we would probably give him an award of some kind for bravery. Unfortunately there was no fire and he was on acid.”

    37-year-old Paul Horner, AKA Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, a mascot for a Christian organization that travels around the country educating children about the dangers and consequences of touching yourself, told CNN about the events that occurred that evening at the YMCA...

    http://cnn.com.de/news/police-officer-saves-dolphin-mascot-imaginary-fire/
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  2. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  3. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    [​IMG]
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  4. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    Horner continued, “Besides being on drugs, he looked like a heathenish self-rapist too. I’ll say a prayer for him, not a full-prayer though, just a half-prayer.”
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  5. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    Downey has been charged with criminal trespassing, resisting arrest, assault, public intoxication and third degree criminal mischief and put in the Phoenix county jail on a $25,000 bail.

    This is not the first run in for officer Downey with narcotics. In 2015, Downey was under investigation for an undocumented kilogram of pure cocaine that was found in Downey’s squad car, but due to a technicality, Downey was never charged.
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  6. julius

    julius Living on the air in Cincinnati... Staff Member Global Moderator

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    Hold on, the Dolphins nickname is Fappy?
     
    julius, Oct 30, 2016
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  7. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    Fappy the anti-masturbation dolphin.

    And only a self-rapist would think it's funny.
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  8. julius

    julius Living on the air in Cincinnati... Staff Member Global Moderator

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    Self rapist??

    I'm listening....
     
    julius, Oct 30, 2016
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  9. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  10. jlprk

    jlprk The ESPN mod is insane.

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    Antifreeze drove him temporarily nuts. Now, all car mechanics will get 25-year sentences, just like LSD sellers. This is great for legal system empire builders. More money for $200/hour lawyers, jail guards, police overtime, and less for taxpayers. After Republican state legislators make antifreeze illegal, Republican lobbyists will make more money by complaining longer about the now-bigger national debt. After more police have to be hired to enforce the new laws, there will be more Arizona police to get stoned on some new substance, to repeat the above cycle.
     
    jlprk, Oct 30, 2016
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  11. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    You need to spend some alone time with Fappy.
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  12. jlprk

    jlprk The ESPN mod is insane.

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    According to the excuses we read every day in articles, police training says he should execute anyone who behaves "erratically." Also, he's supposed to execute anyone who has a gun. Why did the one policeman spare the other policeman?

    A policeman actually talked down a crazed person instead of killing him because he "felt fear?" That's the new definition of cowardice: to not murder someone whenever you feel fear.
     
    jlprk, Oct 30, 2016
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  13. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    Forget the cop, I wanna know what kinda drugs someone has to be on to think of dressing like a dolphin and talking to kids about masturbation.
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  14. UncleCliffy'sDaddy

    UncleCliffy'sDaddy We're all Bozos on this bus.

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    I just wanna know where I can get one of those cool tee shirts.....
     
    UncleCliffy'sDaddy, Oct 30, 2016
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  15. UncleCliffy'sDaddy

    UncleCliffy'sDaddy We're all Bozos on this bus.

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    UncleCliffy'sDaddy, Oct 30, 2016
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  16. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  17. jlprk

    jlprk The ESPN mod is insane.

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    Yes, there's a conflict over whether this thread pushes to imprison LSD users (your desire) or to expose police hypocrisy (mine).
     
    jlprk, Oct 30, 2016
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  18. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    I'm making the forum great again.

    [​IMG]
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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  19. UncleCliffy'sDaddy

    UncleCliffy'sDaddy We're all Bozos on this bus.

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    The attached Facebook link had me in tears I was laughing so hard.......Great thread, Sly!
     
    UncleCliffy'sDaddy, Oct 30, 2016
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  20. SlyPokerDog

    SlyPokerDog Woof! Staff Member Administrator

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    Only 3 months!

    [​IMG]
     
    SlyPokerDog, Oct 30, 2016
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