Official 2017-18 Blazers Limerick Thread

Discussion in 'Portland Trail Blazers' started by mook, Oct 17, 2017.

  1. mook

    mook The 2018-19 season was the best I've seen

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    Occupation:
    Buy a recipe binder at CookbookPeople.com
    Location:
    Jolly Olde England
    There once was a seven foot stiff
    As white as a white flag and he'd whiff
    Shot after shot
    Til finally old Stotts
    Got his hands on 2 brand new "What ifs"
     
  2. Wizard Mentor

    Wizard Mentor Wizard Mentor

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    There once was a girl from the Atlantic
    Whose husband liked to cause panic
    In great disgust
    She threw him under the bus
    Because he became a Laker Fanatic.
     
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  3. andalusian

    andalusian Season - Restarted

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    It's a story as old as the sea
    of what could have been or could be
    He could shoot, could he guard?
    He was never fantastic
    His new home is now at the Atlantic
     
  4. SIeepwalker

    SIeepwalker The lone sane poster

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    Story of the man who dressed as an elf
    All summer spent to find his true self
    Neverending tragedy
    At least he had a trophy
    Fan Fest MVP still sitting on his shelf
     
  5. SIeepwalker

    SIeepwalker The lone sane poster

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    This tale speaks of a fan of the Blazers
    Only him knew the truly best players
    The fifteen men, they tantalize
    Neil and Terry just didn't realize
    They cut Briscoe, season over.
     
  6. PtldPlatypus

    PtldPlatypus Let's go Baby Blazers! Staff Member Global Moderator Moderator

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    The Nuggets were certainly fleeced
    When we dealt for the Bosnian Beast
    Now healthy and trim
    We're excited for him
    To face other teams' centers, and feast.
     
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  7. e_blazer

    e_blazer Rip City Fan

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    The league swings from the jocks of Golden State
    The Blazers they say ain’t too great,
    But with CJ and Dame,
    Their predictions are lame,
    Add Nurk and I like our chances, mate.
     
  8. Chris Craig

    Chris Craig (Blazersland) I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator Moderator

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    Why can't you leave Meyers alone
    Your attack rages me to the bone
    Such tasteless decorum
    I may leave the forum
    Then again he must reap what hes sown
     
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  9. PtldPlatypus

    PtldPlatypus Let's go Baby Blazers! Staff Member Global Moderator Moderator

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    :clap:
     
  10. Chris Craig

    Chris Craig (Blazersland) I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator Moderator

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    Though his words are long winded
    And his shot open ended
    Please leave meyers be
    Just desist don't you see
    Hes just not playing well right now
     
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  11. julius

    julius Global Moderator Staff Member Global Moderator

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    singer songwriter
    Location:
    Washington
    There once was a poster named HCP,
    Makes fun of the newbies, you see.
    But it's just his shtick
    Cause hes full of shit
    When someone is upset, he feels crappy.

    The Point Guard is from the Oak Town
    He's tough and likes to throw down
    He's from Weber State
    And he's really great
    A person, or place or thing is a noun.

    Meyers, The Leonard, is bad.
    And his hesitancy makes me real sad.
    He flexes his arm
    And shows off his charm
    The fact he's still here makes me mad.
     
  12. BrianFromWA

    BrianFromWA Editor in Chief Staff Member Editor in Chief

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    ("The Kaman", 2014, to the cadence of "The Raven") ... since some of you newer folks never had the chance, and with a couple updates:

    Once, upon a nighttime dreary watching Blazers' bigs get weary,
    From results of switching silli-ly every pick across the floor
    "Scrap!" would shout McScribbles as opponents' point guards dribbled
    While Kaleb's hair would frizzle as fizzled schemes his defense would deplore
    And as the Talkin' Ball crew scream "Przybilla ain't coming through that door!"
    We sat, and glared, and nothing more.

    Coach Stotts recalled, though, last December what he struggled to remember
    while his defense, like burnt embers, left their scorches on the floor
    Once it had been like this, that his defense was in crisis
    And that Mavericks' new Isis, Tyson Chandler, lowered scores
    That having competent big men helped Dallas earn a vict'ry tour
    For the first time, evermore.

    So when GM Neil Olshey, when he had agreed for Portland to pay
    About $10k each day that Kaman graced a gametime floor
    called a conf'rence for those to ask, as a journalistic task,
    and had Chris with him to bask and answer all the hacks and bores
    "Will he only play when teams like Golden State run up the score?"
    Quoth Chris Kaman, "Nevermore."

    Much I marvelled this man ungainly to hear discourse so plainly,
    Though its answer little meaning--little relevancy bore;
    For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
    in a presser not acceding to answer just one question more
    "Shall your play recall to memory wretched days of 'Stony Hands' Magloire? "
    Quoth Chris Kaman, "Nevermore."

    Thus it did astonish, and the tone of it admonish
    This giant's voice abolished hope and with it squashed young Leonard's chore
    Signed from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
    Followed fast and followed faster till his play one burden bore--
    Till the dirges of his Hope that Meyers' melancholy bore
    Of 'Never--nevermore.'"

    Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
    Kevin Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the burnished court.
    "Chris!," Stotts cried, "thy God hath lent me--by the MLE he sent thee
    Respite--respite and nepenthe from me playing Meyers Leonar_!
    Will your number hang in Fame above the MODA Center's court?
    Quoth Chris Kaman, "Nevermore."

    Be that our sign of parting, Chris Kaman!" Meyers shrieked, upstarting--
    "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
    Leave no scraggly beard as token of that lie Olshey has spoken!
    Leave my contract's terms' unbroken!--quit the team and sign no more!
    Take thy dagger from my heart, and sign the MLE no more !"
    Quoth Chris Kaman, "OK, Sure."

    Then I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
    To Olshey, whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
    New trades I saw in him divining, Nurkic and a first combining,
    Traded for that silver lining Plumlee's high-post "offense" bore,
    But whose potential was outmatched when Nurk first dunked upon our floor,
    Nurk
    shall start, ah, evermore!

    And now Leonar_, never flitting, still is sitting, STILL is sitting!
    On the splinter'd end of bench adorning Moda Center's Floor
    And his eyes have all the scheming of a demon's that is steaming
    And the spotlight o'er his scheming throws his shadow on the floor;
    And his soul from out that shadow that cries to mount the floor
    Shall get minutes--nevermore!
     
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  13. Chris Craig

    Chris Craig (Blazersland) I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator Moderator

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    There once was a chubby hispanic
    Who liked to mow lawns and cause panic.
    He'd mess with the rookies
    Some were tough cookies
    They told him to go fuck a Xanax

    The archetype point guard, hes clever
    Lillard's game is truly exciting moreover
    He plays like a God
    In the wink of a nod
    He scores, after the defense, he severs

    For the last time stop heckling Meyers
    I know that his game doesn't inspire
    But, he's worked hard all summer
    All this derision is a bummer
    This season he'll set the doubters on fire
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2017
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  14. Chris Craig

    Chris Craig (Blazersland) I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator Moderator

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    The regular season is finally here
    The first game is in hand, don't fear
    Though CJs suspended
    The season isn't upended
    The Blazers play to win, such is clear
     
  15. SIeepwalker

    SIeepwalker The lone sane poster

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    A very weird place, this is true
    Inhabited by a very strange crew
    A computer, a talking dog,
    A guy bragging about his job
    Welcome to RipCityTwo
     
  16. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    This year is a new story
    Blazers in all their glory
    Nurk is here all year
    Kev and Hurd we'll jeer
    This year no purgatory?
     
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  17. andalusian

    andalusian Season - Restarted

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    He lost a lot, thiry five at least
    but still known as that wonderful Bosnean beast
    Good summer wishes
    and with Biggie beside
    sorry my friends, for you no more rebound
     
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  18. dviss1

    dviss1 Emcee Referee

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    There once was a Caleb named Swanigan
    Who's task was make Meyers a man again
    So he tossed him aloft
    Because Butter is soft
    He didn't even care if he damaged him

    But Butters he moves like a mannequin
    So slow he won't get called for travelin'
    Cuz he moves like a stiff
    His feet hard to lift
    Used to like him but can't be a fan again

    Wish he was skywalkin' like Anakin
    But he has most of this forum panickin'
    Cuz he's worthless as fuck
    And with him we are stuck
    Damn I wish we had Brian Grant again
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2017
  19. Mediocre Man

    Mediocre Man Mr. SportsTwo

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    There once was a girl from Nantucket.
    I asked her real nice if she'd suck it.
    She took a good look.
    Laughed until she shook.
    I walked away sad and said fuck it.



    Wait, Blazers.....

    Meyers is from ol' Nantucket.
    His play makes me say oh fuck it.
    Contract has us hosed.
    Plays defense eyes closed.
    Bball IQ of a Muppet
     
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  20. -Ace-

    -Ace- Mostly lurking

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    Meyers Leonard surely does suck
    Don't know why we paid him big bucks
    To defend his foes,
    His eyes are kept closed
    Each time he checks in, I yell, "FUCK!"
     
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