OT The Home Isolation Thread- What are you doing?

One time I went on a date. Took her home about midnight. We started making out in a dark part of her parking lot. Suddenly, the lights turned on. OMG, the cops are going to hassle me because my hands were doing some wonderful things. I raised myself up and looked around. Crap, I'd forgotten to set the emergency brake and we had rolled downhill right under a street light. I spent a lot of time on women when I should have been studying. I've got a million stories like that.

 

hell...you're talking about having some level of success...that's no fun, we want to hear about failure

I'll show you how it's done, with a couple of true stories of my own:

a long long time ago, when I was living in Eugene and framing houses for a living, my two partners and I were building a house in Brownsville, Or. of all places. It was a summer Friday and by a little after noon we had done everything we could do before trusses arrived on Monday. So we went home. It was about 2-3pm so I called a gal who I thought liked me. Those days, I figured if she didn't shriek when I showed up or spit at me, I might have a chance...

anyway:

* me - hi, what's going on
* her - not much, just sitting here reading a book
* me - well, would you like to go to dinner or take in a movie this evening?
* her - (after a little pause)...uhh, I think I'd rather read the book

now, at this point I'd like to be able to say that I was quick with a cutting, witty reply that salvaged some dignity and showed her what's what. But that would be a lie, so brace yourselves:

* me - oh!....uhhh....must be a good book. Maybe some other time

yep...captain pathetic
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so anyway, a little later that day, a couple of buddies and me decide to go out drinking that night and burn some energy & brain cells...and maybe get lucky.

so we end up at a bar that has some live music and we're sitting at out table. I'm noticing this good-looking blonde across the room, and I swear, she's giving me the eye. My buddy notices to and mentions it. So, I screw up my courage, by gulping a little more beer and make my way across the crowded room...

* me - would you like to dance?
* her - (smile turns to smirk) - I don't dance with drunken idiots
* me - oh....uhhh....maybe later

that's right, it's been about 7 hours since my last rejection and I haven't learned how to jab back yet. Still captain pathetic. In this case, it was basically "well, give me time to drink 3 more beers and see if that changes your mind about drunks...and idiots".

you gotta admit, those were a couple of substantial body blows on the dating circuit. What makes it worse is after all these years I still can't come up with good, witty responses that I could have used. I would have still gone home alone that night, but at least could have done so with pride. Nope

 

just feel better that your toe saved an expensive pair of kicks from getting ruined! you can grow new skin or ruin your favorite sneakers!

 

Every man has his failures.
I once asked a girl to dance and she told me she had a headache. If I was witty I would have said "Oh, what a coincidence. I have a dick ache." It must have been about 50 years ago so I have an excuse for not remembering all the details. I can't even remember if this happened in Oregon or Florida. Hey, I was probably too stoned to know where I was.
So, you see, I've had my failures, too. It's just that I learned from each failure and that helped me learn to steadily improve my craft.

 

Got Zoom bombed week before last. Some punk kids dialing up beheading videos and scat porn.

 

Unreal. First, notice the lack of crowded sidewalks and streets.
Second, notice the overcast sky. Probably not even stifling hot.

 

Is that HCP in the background looking buff and sexy?

 

I don't know why because it's not true but every time I read the title of this thread I'm tempted to say sitting around fiddling with my hoo hah. Instead, I'm left wonder what the damn thing is good for. Now, that's old.

 

Stretch that thing until it is 2 feet long.

 

What? You want me to cut some off?

 

Tie it up then. In a bow. It will look like a present. I'm sure it will get returned but...