OT Can't recover/Dilemma

In late August into September I was recovering well. Having strings of decent days going on in a row. My memory is pretty good now. The horrible feeling in my head went away. I stopped hurting myself by accident months ago. You tend to hurt yourself a lot when you can't feel your senses properly. I won't be able to make this come out as well as I would like. I keep losing my abilities, over and over again.

While recovering for the last few years, my best online friend has been struggling as well. In my own mental state, I have missed how bad things have gotten. In late September it became clear that my online friend had lost some abilities. They live alone and are most likely autistic. Their selective mutism showed up so badly they couldn't talk to me well without miscommunications. I struggled for weeks trying to get my friend to a point where they could talk to me properly again. That literally took all my mental energy every day, which made me lose my abilities yet again.

I finally got my friend to go to see their doctor as well as a psychiatrist. Yesterday morning they picked up some prescribed medications, one for fatigue and one for depression. Late last night I started getting messages from my friend of the agony that they were in. Today I found out that they haven't taken either medication. Their mental state is low but they say they aren't going to hurt themself. They won't go to the hospital because they can't get the one medication that was helping them. In 2021 they stopped prescribing an anxiety medication due it's link to dementia. They say they have tried everything in the pharmacy and nothing else helps them like the medication they can't get. I can't get much out of my friend today but messages of agony. I don't know how much longer they can hold out. I worry so much about them. I have known them 14 years now and they helped me so much while I was recovering. I won't be able to finish recovering while dealing with my online friend, so just ignore my political posts.

My friend is nearly homeless and has an eating disorder. I have been helping to keep them fed since they stopped the extra money on the SNAP benefits earlier this year. The extra money was helping them so much. They are on disability, and can't work due to their current weight, and mental state. They live alone with only 2 finches to keep them company. They would love to own a dog again but can't afford one.

I am worried. I have never had to deal with a situation like this. I am not really fit to do so. But I won't abandon my friend, ever.

I have never done a wellness check. My friend doesn't like police, so sending them would only increase their anxiety.

I will try to keep you up to date when I can. Not sure what else to say, so I will leave it here.

 

Dang, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things turn for the better soon.

 

Thanks. My friend isn't able to do anything tonight. I will see if I can get them to check and see if that medication is sold in Mexico tomorrow.

 

I do have to ask, RR, have you actually met this person? Verified their story? Because someone can claim to be anything on line. I hate to think kindness is taken advantage of. It happens.
Buying unauthorized drugs from Mexico... Very risky. I worked in pharma and dealt with FDA and I can tell you pharmaceuticals are not over regulated, more the opposite.
I know how fucked up "health" care system is in this country but is there a chance your friend can find a better doctor to work with?

 

I have never met my online friend. I have chatted with them for many years through a messenger service. I have also seen videos of them many times, as well as pictures. I know them very well. Their grandfather died in 2013 leaving them the house they now live in. Fortunate they have a house or they would already be homeless. Their dog died of cancer a few years ago. That was a huge loss, as being alone is really troublesome for my friend right now. My friend could really use another dog as a companion. But it's too expensive for them to own right now. The two finches help, but not as much as the dog did.

My online friend has changed doctors and/or psychiatrists several times since 2021 trying to get the medication they won't prescribe. As well as two or three trips to different psych wards in an attempt to get the medication. Nobody in their area will prescribe the medication, that they can find. I know this is the reason they have been giving up over the last seven months. And is what has lead us to here.

I will post more when my friend chimes in later.

 

I can't say I am glad it's for real because someone is having a terrible time. I am glad your good intentions are for a deserving person.

 

I messaged my friend about the Reddit and Facebook medication pick up. They didn't even respond back to it. They seem slightly more alert today, but not much. I will keep monitoring their mental state. I wish I wasn't the only person they talked to. This is way beyond my abilities.

 

I know right? I met a lady online one time that said she made amazing cookies. She was obsessed with cats, loved the Blazers, a staunch feminist and Jewish.

I could never verify whether her cookies were good or not.

It started making me doubt the internet.

 

Perhaps some other people can verify her love for cats.

 

The last few days have been extremely stressful. I knew my friend had borderline personality disorder. But had never read up on it as well as I have today. It totally explains everything my friend is going through right now. Which is a relief to at least know what they are going through. It also shows me how I have been going about this all wrong. But not knowing why my friend was doing certain things has lead to problems. I will at least know how to deal with them better after reading up on their diagnoses.

It has been beyond stressful. If you don't know what it is like to lose your abilities this badly, you wouldn't like it. It makes it hard to function daily. But I can't leave my friend. I must help them. Even if it means I must suffer with them myself. Most people will never know what it is like to have autistic empathy. I am one of those people. Once you are empathetic towards something, not much else will matter until that empathetic situation has ended. I will stress less now that I understand my friends diagnoses better.

In the end, I will be alright. I have recovered to a point where I can manage it better. What matters is getting my friend help.

I have been begging them to go to the hospital for weeks. If I can't get them to go to the hospital soon, I am going to do a wellness check on them probably tomorrow.

Thanks, everyone. I will keep you posted. And update you on my own recovery, when I get the chance. I have learned so much about what I have been going through. Even I am amazed at what I found out. It has been way worse than I could have thought.

 

It became scary Sunday evening as my friend told me they couldn't find me on their messenger service for a few hours. If I had lost contact, I would have made the call for a wellness check. But in the end they couldn't go to the store anymore and so it was time to go before things became really dangerous. Yesterday my friend finally went to the hospital. After nearly two months of the most scary situation I've ever had to deal with, it comes to an end. I am exhausted, but I can finally relax and recover now. I really hope they can get them on a medication that will help. They are a very good person, but just have a horrible mental disorder.

Even if they can get my friend to somewhat normal again. Their situation is still very troubling. I just wish I knew of some resources that I could get to my friend to help him even more.

I will post again when I hear more from them.

 

You're a good friend. Make sure you're taking care of yourself though, too.

 

Only so much you can do.

 

I am already back to relaxing as much as I can. Everything I was doing before to recover. I slept well last night. First time in several nights. Things were starting to get bad for me. I couldn't relax and my chest was starting to bother me from the worry. If it had gone on much longer I may have needed help myself. Thankfully my friend could no longer hold out. They are as stubborn as I am. When they could no longer go and pick up groceries, it was time to go to the hospital and my friend finally knew it.

I won't hear from them until they get out now. I just hope they can get their BPD symptoms under control.

I will post about my recovery here when I can. I have learned a lot in the last few months about what I went through.

 

My online friend got home from the psych ward the day before Thanksgiving. Made for a nice holiday. But they were never doing well. They recently returned home from another trip to the psych ward. They are ready to go back, yet again.

I am worried my friend won't survive the rest of this year at the rate they are going. They can't work in their condition. They are having a harder time coping with their mental crap all of the time. They can't get a psych medication that works and are trapped by a system that won't help because insurance companies get to deny weight loss medications, but will pay for weight loss surgery. Won't pay for good psychiatrists, you have to either pay out of pocket or have better insurance. So when they don't survive. The cause of death might be a heart attack. But the real cause will be a health care system that puts profit first and people second.

In the last few weeks my sleep has gone back to waking up too early or not even being able to fall to sleep in the first place. I can't fully recover like this. If my friend doesn't survive. My mental health will completely disappear. This will hit me as hard as losing a family member. My friend helped to get me through my recovery. All I want to do is help them. But I have no resources to do so beyond helping them with food.

Not sure why I am posting this. Guess I just need to get it off my chest.

 

I wish your friends well RR! I hope they find the help they need and they are lucky to call you friend! Best of luck with your own recovery and hope you find the balance you need as well.

 

The last pillow I bought a few years ago is now what I sit on to add cushion to my computer chair. I am too picky about my pillows. The pillows they make nowadays are not to my liking. I can't listen to anything while trying to fall to sleep. Just the way it is.

I am sure I will go back to sleeping well again once things settle down. If they don't, I just won't sleep. Ah well.