Hillarious Draft Diary

Thought you guys and gals might enjoy this. I forgot the exact link where I found this, but this guy named jeff83 posted this on a pac10 board. Hilarious!

<div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post">7:25 - predraft show is ending and Jay Bilas is in prime form already. Uses ?long? and ?wingspan? a combined 8 times in 60 seconds talking about May, Graham and Diogu. My king sized goblet of the white grape is at hand and I am ready for a ?long? night. The bespectacled hobbit is at the podium, let?s get it on !

7:33 ? Bucks on the clock.
7:34 ? Stephen A Smith is already annoying.
7:36 ? Bogut the pick, cut to Marvin Williams, the 2nd happiest guy in the room. All polite talk aside, there is no way he wanted to end up in Milwaukee. Great white stiff watch has started already, but he has two things going for him that all the others didn?t. First of all, he has already proven he can play vs NBA guys as he looked good in the Olympics. Secondly, he is only 20. I?ll come back to that, but just remember that when in doubt, younger is ALWAYS better.
PS Carlos Arroyo destroyed Team USA and couldn?t start for Utah, so take point 1 with a grain of salt
7:42 ? Hawks take Marvin Williams, which is huge for them because they were in danger of heading into the season with only 9 small forwards.
7:43 ? ?the most gifted, most caring, most humble young man I?ve ever been around? ? Roy Williams. Shoot me now. 13 minutes, a new record.
7:44 ? ?unbelievably long, really really long? ? guess who ?
7:45 ? oh my God, I agree with Dick Vitale ! They should have taken Paul. First of all, I don?t think Williams is nearly as good as reported. Sure UNC won the championship, but it wasn?t because of him. He got his 20 in their opening blowouts, but look what the physical Big 10 teams did to him. 6 vs Wisconsin, 2 vs MSU, 8 vs Illinois. Universal acclaim that he will be the best player from this draft ? Not from me.
7:47 ? Deron Williams to the Jazz. OK, I?ll go out on a limb and say the 1st PG taken should have been the 3rd. How many jaw dropping, did you see that play, what a great pro he will be moments did anyone see out of Deron ? To me he was the definition of solid, he?s not gonna be a bust, but with the 3rd pick I want electricity. Bug Eyes with the first of his bizarre interviews ? ?who would win a fight between you and Kendall Gill ??
7:53 ? Chris Paul to N?Orlins takes the stage wearing his dad?s suit. I wonder, do these $3000 suits all the ballers are wearing actually require tailoring ? How do I get that job ? Pretend to take measurements, hand the guy a suit 3 sizes too big, collect big bucks. Sweeeet !
7:58 - #5 pick to Charlotte and I pat myself on the back. Raymond Felton was down in the teens a month ago and not higher than 8 or 9 in all the mock drafts. I say he ends up the best PG in this draft and has as good a chance as anyone to end up the best player period. Blazing speed, wicked hops and a rapidly improving jump shot. I see Baron Davis minus 3 inches but plus an NBA 3. Stanford fans may be groaning, but Brevin won?t lose his job to a rookie and he?ll gain still more brownie points by mentoring him. He?ll be rewarded by the organization later, just wait and see.
8:06 ? make it 6-6 in my mock draft, Portland takes Martell Webster. Another bad pick by the Trail Blazers, it?s to be expected at this point. Hey, Jay says he?s long ! If you want a high school wing, why not Gerald Green ? Webster is smooth and can shoot, but he?s not gonna be Kobe. Man, I agree with Stephen Smith too ! What?s next, dogs and cats living together ? Portland is such a mess from top to bottom that it?s probably the WORST place for a young kid to end up. They need a kick ass coach to come in and say ?my way or the highway?, we?ll see. On a positive note for Husky fans, they won?t have too long a trip to go see their top recruit play, yuk yuk.
8:12 ? oh my God, the Raptors strike again !!! Charlie Villanueva at #7 !!! This organization is clearly going to surpass all the accomplishments of the Clippers. Wrong position, wrong guy, wrong spot. Even if you LOVE Charlie, even if a magic genie told you for certain he?ll become an all-star, it?s STILL a bad pick. You can get him later, as in much. Last year I wrote that Rafael Arrujo (or however you spell it, I don?t care frankly) was an awful pick. That was too easy, he?s a total bust already. Charlie MAY become a player, but that is limb-city. Trade down and take him you Canadian knuckleheads. I really wish someone had said ?this pick will raise some eyebrows?, but I guess that would be insensitive. I should be working for ESPN, they have no guts or sense of humor. But the Knicks are happy because?
8:17 - #8 pick, Channing Frye as expected to NY. It has become very difficult to rate centers because there simply aren?t any left in college. So he blocked some shots and has a midrange jumper, can he actually play center in the NBA ? He is under 6?10? without shoes, he?s 245 or so, I agree once again with SAS, he?s a PF. Remember what a stud John Wallace was in college ? How?d that work out for the Knicks ? Pac-10 fans are shaking their heads, no one who has watched Frye for any length of time was thinking top 10 NBA draft pick. But this is what a decade of early entries has led to. Word is Mike Sweetney is ready to step into the starters role at PF, maybe that?s enough additional beef to cover Channing?s lack of rebounds.
8:25 - #9 and it?s Ike to the Warriors. Did I not say those dumbass NBA guys were crazy not inviting Ike and that he would go ahead of several green roomers ? How about ahead of 9 guys ! What the hell were they thinking ? I wish Stern had said a few more words than he did? ?Ike Diogu is not here? because we are a bunch of friggin idiots who use ESPN?s player rankings from 2 months ago as the basis of our invitations.? Secret phone call from Trent Johnson ? ?look Monty, I know they say he can?t come back, but can you please draft that mofo just to make sure ? Thanks my brotha.?
8:30 ? the Lakers have to be pinching themselves that Gerald Green is still there. Oops, scratch that, it?s the next Shaq instead ! Bynum the semi-surprise, not even 18 years old. This kid impressed me in the all-star games. He needs some work, but you wanna talk upside, this is it. He can move, he?s friggin huge, and he has what my dedicated readers know I look for ? HANDS ! If he works and doesn?t get caught up in the LA scene he?s gonna be real good. Now that I think of it, being so young is a PLUS ? he can?t even get into a bar for 3 years ! And knowing how Kobe prefers to take 30 shots a game I can see why they didn?t take Green.

8:37 ? Orlando takes Fran Vazquez with the 11th pick. A good example of US heights vs International. This ugly mutha looks every bit as tall as Bynum but ESPN is listing him as 6?10?. He has a huge natural advantage, I have never seen such an aerodynamic nose. Quiet please, it?s our first translator interview ! Damn, boring questions. I would have paid a week?s salary if Stuart Scott had started with ?why the long face ??
8:44 ? ?the Clippers back in the lottery?. I never tire of hearing that and I never will. They have been in the lottery so long that guys who were their ?players of the future? have been retired for years. Korolev the pick, the young commie who was afraid to play against our young Lopez. Damn, this kids shnoz makes Vazquez? look like Michael Jackson. He needs a condom for that thing. Of course I have no idea if the kid can play, but it?s the Clippers, so I doubt it.
8:50 ? after the pro-USA rant of Vitale, Charlotte makes him happy and takes Sean May #13 to go with Raymond Felton earlier. Obviously skyrocketing gas prices have had a big effect on the expansion Bobcats as they could not afford to scout outside their local area. I had to work in Charlotte for 3 months, believe me, that is no place to live if you have a weight problem. Once again I disagree with ESPN crew. Decent, but he?s never gonna whiff an all-star game. And wouldn?t it be funny if he and Felton actually hated each other ?
8:55 ? Minnesota gets to pick in the first round, what year is this ? Thank you Joe Smith. Rashad McCants, how perfect is that ? A team full of headcases so they get McCants to replace Sprewell. Yeah, yeah, he?s a talent. So was Earl Manigault. OK, slight exaggeration, McCants doesn?t shoot heroin? at least not yet. But those long winters alone in Minnesota, while his former teammates are partying back in Carolina, calling him late at night to heckle him ? It?s only a matter of time. I might add that the wine bottle is now empty and I have always disliked the Tar Heels.
9:02 ? Antoine Wright #15 to NJ. This makes much more sense than the Warrick rumors that were going around (?he?ll be great on the fast break?, as if that?s all there is to basketball). Has there ever been a more anonymous pick from a major college than this guy ? They never make the tournament, never on TV, I honestly have never seen him play. But big numbers in a tough conference and solid workout reports seem like a reasonable pick.

Aside ? what the hell is happening to Danny Granger and Gerald Green ? Was everyone full of it ? These guys were supposed to be top 10. I like both of them better than any of the last several picks. We shall see.

9:08 ? Joey Graham to Toronto. Beware guys who suddenly shoot up the charts on the basis of off the court testing. He?s suddenly the ?best athlete in the draft?, but some how I?d rather have the best basketball player. And it?s Toronto, case closed. 25 years ago these guys would have taken him over Bird.
9:12 ? Danny Granger finally goes to Indiana at #17. I like this kid, he?s got an excellent all-around game, he?s handled being the focus of the defense, I think he?ll fill up lots of columns in the stat sheet. Not to pick on our own guy, but Josh Childress at #6 last year, Granger #17 this year, this has to be a MUCH stronger draft class.
9:17 ? Celtics strike oil by accident. Gerald Green? and how perfect is it that he goes to Team Green !?! Mark it down, outright steal at #18. Jefferson, Pierce, Davis ? the Celtics are coming back strong, mark that down too.
9:24 ? 19th pick is Hakim Warrick to Memphis. This far down you can?t go too wrong taking a long leaper, but has anyone noticed how bad Jerry West?s track record is in Memphis ? Dahntay Jones, Troy Bell, Drew Gooden, Robert Archibald ? I?m thinking West in Memphis is like Walsh II at Stanford. Even the greats need to know when to hang it up. Hakim spent his career playing zone and has no discernible basketball skills other than dunking. Good luck.
9:31 ? Julius Hodge to Denver, interesting selection. I think he suffered from trying to do too much at NC State, but he was forced into that situation because frankly their lineup had an intramural feel to it. Versatility is always nice and the Nuggets like to get up and down the court, good be a nice fit.

Aside ? man I am starving. The wine is almost gone, I?m eating the mixed nuts party pack I got for Christmas, there has been nothing funny in this draft at all. No wild parents, no embarrassing suits, no hot girlfriends, just nothing of interest. I may start telling jokes. We need Sir Charles in the worst way.

9:38 ? holy crap, Nate Robinson !!! Phoenix has officially declared that entertainment is more important than winning. The 21st pick in the draft to a midget with fast twitch muscles ! Wait, timeout, they are sending him to NY ? OK, the Knicks need him more than Phoenix does. They will love him in the Garden. Every game I attend there is a snoozefest, if Nate provides 15 minutes of energy he?s worth the pick. But he?s still not a point, he needs one of those super tall PGs so he can play the world?s smallest 2. Magic and Nate backcourt, now we?re talking !
9:44 - #22, Jarret Jack to Denver. I hope he never hit Hodge in the twigs and berries ala Paul because they are now teammates. Sounds like a fine young backcourt but it would be nice if one of them could make a 3. Still, they have to be better than Tskitishvili (remember him at #5 in 2002 ?)
9:50 ? Francisco Garcia to Sacramento. Seems like an excellent fit to me. Scores, passes, versatile, goes to a team that plays his style of ball. Vitale says he has heart and courage, so if civil war breaks out in Sacramento he?ll be extra valuable.
9:53 ? Luther Head shows that the predraft camps can really help. From zero shot at the first round to the 24th pick because of 3 days in Chicago.
9:55 ? Coach K doesn?t see himself as a basketball coach, he sees himself as a leader. I see him as the best way to turn players with 1st round potential into 2nd round picks. Good luck, Brian Zoubek, you will need it.
9:57 ? Greg Anthony?s orange tie is starting to bug me. I like orange, but not with the shiny brown suit. I have an olive suit that goes great with orange, perhaps he should have called me for some fashion advice.
9:58 ? Seattle takes another 7 foot stiff, Johan Petro. A French center ? Do the words Frederic Weis ring a bell ? Robert Swift gets a positive mention, color me skeptical.
10:05 - #26 Pistons take Jason Maxiell ?!? WTF, Dumars has lost it. He had a great week in Portsmouth, where there was nothing but midgets in the frontcourt. He left Chicago early. Ike is considered undersized for the 4 and he has 2 inches on this guy. You know he is gun shy about taking the 7?3? unpronounceable dude because of Darko, but this pick is just too ?safe?.
10:11 ? Portland takes a guy who combines the worst of both worlds ? a Euro who played for mimbo Quin Snyder at Missouri, Linas Kleiza. Hope he can shoot while holding a blanket.
10:14 - San Antonio, a team with a clue is up at #28. A raw French volleyball player named Ian ? That is the pick of a team that doesn?t need any help for a while, I wonder where he?ll get stashed. I do wonder if the locals will ever get restless and ask for a player with English as his primary language.
10:23 - #29, Wayne Simien to the Heat. Is there any difference between him and Udonis Haslem ? Can score better I suppose. I choose the Heat if there is a WWE NBA event any time soon. Shaq, Zo, now Simien ? The Miami Beef.
10:25 ? Vitale with the 3rd or 4th version of his same ?pick the US collegiate player? rant. Give it a rest Dick, did you notice the Spurs roster ?
10:29 ? David Lee makes the 1st round. Another Chicago camp guy, I always thought he had more game than Eddie Munster used at Florida. He moves like he?s 6?6?, then you see him throw down dunks and realize he?s 6?9?. Good hands, good bounce, good body, he?s even money in my book to be just as good as May or Warrick or Simien. Knicks fans boo, I wonder who they wanted with this pick ?

Aside ? man, I am on fire with the predraft predictions. First round over, no Chris Taft. Chad Ford, how?s that player ranking of a month ago working out for ya ? Andray Blatche should be coming up soon, as well as Martynas Andriuskevicius, the 7?3? kid.

2nd round begins

10:35 ? Salim Stoudamire to Atlanta and all the talking heads love him. ?A steal?, ?the starting PG for the Hawks next year?. Absolute nonsense. Great shooter off the bench, but if he is their starting point the Hawks are dumber than I thought? and I think they are pretty dumb. Wonder if he gets along with Josh ?
10:37 ? Clippers, the dim bulbs are up, so the pick of Daniel Ewing must be heckled. Role player at best.
10:39 ? Brandon Bass to New Orleans. There really isn?t much difference between him and several of the PFs who went before him, so by that alone I like the pick.
10:42 - #34, high schooler CJ Miles to Utah. Has not signed with an agent per Katz, I suggest he buy an expensive bottle of scotch for Jerry Sloan ASAP if he wants to stick with the Jazz.
10:44 - #35, Portland takes Ricky Sanchez, which is not a basketball name. Bad pick.
Milwaukee takes someone not good enough to make the telecast, a guy from Turkey with ?questions about his age.? In my experience even 20 year old Turks look about 45 so who knows.
10:49 - #37, Lakers take the unholy offspring of Wolfman and Sideshow Bob, Ronny Turiaf. What is the record for latest pick actually there in person ? How come he comes down out of the stands but no Ike ?
10:51 ? SWG alert !!! The first Short White Guy, Travis Diener to Orlando. Is there any difference between him and Luke Ridnour ? Why is one a 1st rounder and NBA starter and the other is mid 2nd round ? Who am I talking to ?

Trade alert ! But not exactly a stop the presses type. Jarret Jack from Denver to Portland for Linas and Ricky. There is no way Linas and Ricky is a good combo unless they are part of the new Queer Eye season.

10:57 ? hard to keep up, Von Wafer-thin to the Lakers. Gee, another talented shooting guard with attitude problems. Jeanie Buss must be some POA for Phil Jackson to take this job. Oh, I guess the zillion dollars didn?t hurt. PS ? the O in POA stands for ?of?
Monta Ellis to Golden State, who knows. Roko Ukic to Toronto. My favorite name. Say it several times fast, it?s fun ! roko ukic, rook ukic. When I did this a Gorilla came to my door.

11:02 ? Chris Taft makes his appearance, and yes, he is in the house ! He is hating life and not just because it took so long. The WARRIORS picked him. Yes, those same Warriors who already chose Ike Diogu, the same Ike Diogu that just abused Taft in their head-to-head workout. Jay Bilas was correct in not thinking he was a 1st rounder, but I question his comments about how ?most knowledgeable observers didn?t have him anywhere near the lottery.? For a year and a half Taft has been in the discussion when talking lottery picks and certainly 1st round. It was the individual workouts that did him in, he was just foolish to burn his bridges early.

Big tall foreign white guys ? Mile Ilic, Martynas Andriuskevicius. This guy was supposed to be high lottery LAST year, now he?s 44th ? Contract problems ? Or just the fact that his body is currently a 7?3? version of our own Taj Finger-like. If Shaq hip checks him he could end up in a luxury box, but I doubt he?ll get on the court until 2007.

11:12 ? another high schooler with delusions of grandeur drops all the way to 45. The much hyped Louis Williams, who signed with an agent and now must fight for a roster spot, goes to Philly where he can learn from noted pass-first teammate Allen Iverson.
11:15 ? Lorbek to Indiana. If I can?t sleep later I will just repeat that a few times.
11:17 ? Bracey Wright to Minnesota at #47, I can see him sticking. Or not.
11:19 ? another French guy, WTF ? And HE?s in the house ? These guys are either cocky, were given a 2nd round guarantee or have nothing better to do. Balancing the Sonics hat on top of the Predator-like dreads was a nice touch.
11:21 ? when will this end? Wizards take Andray Blatche, who was supposedly in line for late 1st. Since he?s 7 feet tall he?s got his spot locked up no matter what he does, but this genius refused to work out for some teams. Bright move.
11:23 ? Boston makes a popular pick for the locals, Ryan Gomes of Providence. Great pick IMO. Skilled, can go inside or outside, good kid who has had to work for it. Could play 20 minutes a night for 10 years.
11:28 ? pee break, missed Utah?s pick. By the way, has there ever been a more ill-fitting nickname ? Utah is to Jazz as Dick Vitale is to subtlety

Robert Whaley, Axel Hervelle, Orien Greene. Who, what, where ? Let?s skip ahead to

11:32 ? NY takes Dijon Thompson at #54, giving them 2nd round Bruins in back to back drafts. Ariza is considered a great pick, he?s ready for big minutes this season. Dijon is a conundrum. I don?t know what that means but it was a cool X-Files episode.
11:35 ? Lawrence Roberts to Detroit. Guess he should have gone last year. Cardinal fans sure wish he did. I?m glad he slipped in here, so I can go off on a tangent. Booties, please be realistic when assessing our guys and their pro chances. I always end up playing bad cop when I point out the foolishness of certain statements, such as Rob and Nick being potential NBA players. Let?s look at Mr. Roberts - he BARELY gets drafted at all, yet he destroyed our guys. So can we stick a fork in the ?Matt will be a lottery pick? stuff and just enjoy the season ?
11:40 ? Amir Johnson, welcome to Club Reality. Man, easily a record for high schoolers going in the 2nd round, most of whom had agents claiming they were 1st round locks. In my early top 25 I noted that he might be addition by subtraction for Pitino and Louisville, as I saw an athletic 6?9? guy who was a chucker of the highest order. The NBA must have seen the same. Think Dermarr Johnson (you don?t remember him ? case closed).
11:43 ? Phoenix takes a 7 foot Polish center. I put his career scoring over/under at 2.1.
11:44 ? Uros Slokar of Slovenia to Toronto. I think the Raptors are just making up names now. This way they can claim he was some incredible sleeper who would have been great but he was mysteriously killed in a fluke accident involving herring or something.
11:45 ? Cenk Akyol to Atlanta. OK, give me a minute, I know those letters spell something. Let me go to the anagram server. Knock Yale ! or leaky conk if you prefer.
11:48 ? the final pick, with a certain reverse alphabetical order symmetry, Alex Acker of Pepperdine.

Ok, big finish?
Nah, not until tomorrow. Top of my head I think the Celtics did well, 2 guys named Green(e), how can they lose ? Side story, which I?ll save for another post, is the clueless wonders who went undrafted. I?m talking to you, former denizens of the SEC. Kennedy Winston, forget the 1st round, how about no round ? Azubuike and Childress could have led Kentucky to the Final 4, butkus. Roberson and Walsh from Florida, ditto.
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Damn, boring questions. I would have paid a week?s salary if Stuart Scott had started with ?why the long face ??


LMAOOO! That was a funny article

 

Nice one! Thx CR2...

 

LOL i love his comment about Garcia in Sacramento. He will be extra valueable if a civil war breaks out. classic

 

Thanks, this guy is a hoot! Check this out regarding Charlie Villaneuva.

<div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post">Charlie MAY become a player, but that is limb-city. Trade down and take him you Canadian knuckleheads. I really wish someone had said ?this pick will raise some eyebrows?, but I guess that would be insensitive. I should be working for ESPN, they have no guts or sense of humor.</div>

 

Funny funny funny stuff.... I wish all reporters / journalists had some sense of humor once in awhile like this guy... I like him alot.

Even though he somewhat goes over the line in some cases, it's reall funny.

 

Good stuff, CR2. This guy is the man.

 

Classic. I love it

 

it was great very funny.

 

Great stuff,part Dick vitale.Part robin Williams....yet pretty perceptive stuff. When you have the Clips or Raptors drafting its like.....So a Rabbi,A buddist and a chicken walk into this bar and......You have no guess what's gonna happen but it's gonna be funnier than the last State of the Union speech

The Clips picked a player nobody actually saw play,a Euro who NBA Draft Net failed to compare to Dirk or Magic with an Albanian accent or such. Rumor is Korolev is actually a fictional charachter from a Tolstoy short story

Orlando takes Mister Ed,a theme park attraction if a tad overrated. G Green,luck of the Irish,how on earth does McCants go ahead of green?

Steven Smith gets a few much earned shots He's that guy in the bar ranting and saying nothing that is semi-astute and his buddy nudges you and says " Don't mind him,he's been in this joint drinkin' Rum since
breakfast..."

You really gotta wonder about all these humble,Eagle scout,mama-respectin' types goin' high. How many will show up for the season in a pimp suit or with Crips tatoos up their necks? Will ANY of those guys who got rd 1 hype and fell way down prove everyone wrong? will they can their agents? Whine about the cruel injustice of having to live on $400,000 Will an agent be found floating downriver?

 

I see you went crazy on those smiley icons, REREM. nice nice

 

great read. but i love deron williams. why u gots to b hatin? great read dude

 

Like Deron Williams,seems to have a curious resemblance to S May-except smaller. Some folks will find C Paul needs to play better D, Williams' has very nice D-but has to prove he can score like an early lottery guy.

It was a fun draft. You could go on and on about Martynas Andriskivmushimushikivodka or whoever, a guy with the wingspan of a sparrow,a worse FT % than Ray Charles, the neck of a 10 footer,a bad haircut,and more undeserved hype than anyone since Ronald Reagan- who was not drafted,but at least made big bucks. Martynas skills and strength are a tad lacking,but in a few years he could make his mark in the NBDL.