<div class="quote_poster">Quoting briang8818:</div><div class="quote_post"> The escalator is out of order.</div> Man, that's one of my favorites of all-time... I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
By the way, I forgot to mention that Mitch is also my favorite. Dave Chappelle is a close second....his standup is much better than his show. More Mitch: "I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, "Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh, wait. It's in my file at home, under 'D'".
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. ~ George Carlin "They're superstitious, they have these beliefs, these primitive, you know, people believe in a... I mean they're just really kind of credulous, and gullible. People believe in, for instance, hell and angels, okay, these are very primitive, very, very backward to me, backward sounding beliefs, these are child-like, and that's the key, because they get you when you're a kid, they get you when you're little, and they tell you there's a God, and if you can make people believe, I believe this, if you can make someone believe that there's an invisible man, living in the sky, who's watching everything you do, and keeping count of everything you do, which is good and which is bad, then you can make that person believe anything after that, you can add anything you want, the 4th of July **** just rolls right in, land of the free, home of the brave, the press is fair and impartial, justice is blind, all men are created equal, your vote is important, the United States government is on your side, the army is here to keep the peace, the police are on your side... Oh, and freedom of choice, this is the big one, the illusion of choice, we're led to feel free by the exercise of meaningless choices. There are, for instance, important things -- not too many choices, unimportant things-ice cream flavors, what do you want, we've got 31, the flavor of the week, the flavor of the month, but political parties-we're down to two, jeez. Sources of information, media companies down to five, banks, insurance companies, pharmaceuticals, chemical companies, oil companies-used to be seven, down to three, pretty soon it's gonna be two. But if you’re lookin' for a bagel or a fuckin' donut, hey, what do you want-pineapple supreme, hazelnut; we've got everything you want. Cereals, I counted, personally in the store counted 192 different cereal choices, 192. 140 different cat foods, I counted, and that includes a tartar-control cat food for senior citizen cats, okay?" - George Carlin, appearance on Dennis Miller Live; [response to why Americans are so easily influenced by advertising]
Shape: Carlin can be funny, and most of what he says makes a lot of sense, but that sounds more like a rant than a joke. 44: Agreed on Chappelle's standup being a lot better than his show. I almost forgot how good he was until comedy central started to rerun his standups. It's too bad that most of his audience nowadays haven't seen anything but his show.
Anyone know Jim Gaffigan?!?! Excellent comedian, he's actually gonna be on the late show tonight on CBS. Anyways he's constitnely on Late night with conan o'brien and on Comdey central with his famous preformancs called "Beyond the Pale" It's on DVD and i own it. lol. He also has a myspace, and wrote back to me! He's a real cool and funny guy. Go check him out.
<div class="quote_poster">Quoting Remedy:</div><div class="quote_post">Anyone know Jim Gaffigan?!?! Excellent comedian, he's actually gonna be on the late show tonight on CBS. Anyways he's constitnely on Late night with conan o'brien and on Comdey central with his famous preformancs called "Beyond the Pale" It's on DVD and i own it. lol. He also has a myspace, and wrote back to me! He's a real cool and funny guy. Go check him out.</div> I'm pretty sure I know the guy you're talking about. I think I just saw him on That 70's Show a few minutes ago... weird. Yeah, he's solid though. I've never really made an effort to check out his stuff outside of the shows he gives on the late night t.v. circuit, but he usually gets a laugh out of me. Thanks for the heads up too btw... I'll definitely make sure I check that out... ------------- Edit: Just googled him... forgot how much I love this guy. "My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant'." "Isn't it strange, when you're single, all you see is couples, but when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers?" Every morning I hear the alarm, it's like "BEEP BEEP BEEP" For second I'm like, "I could get used to that, just dream I'm in a techno club, or something."
yeah no problem. He sent me a message on myspace, saying he'd be on cbs tonight. I don't know if it'll be as funny cuz its not with Conan Obrien. When he's with Conan he does all these cartoons and stuff, that are hillarious. lol
A stand-up comedian just came to my class today. I don't think he's really popular though. His name is Tim Walkoe. He's opened for a couple of people. Worked with Chapelle, etc. And he's been on a ton of different tv stations. Was on a show, but it got canceled.
I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one? - Mitch
<u>HAHAHAHAH, SOME OF YOU LIKE CARLOS MENCIA</u> He steals jokes, from George Lopez, Jeff Foxworthy, Doug Stanhope, and others. He is not Mexican. He is Honduran, and his name is Ned Holness. He is not edgy, but he'll tell you three times that he is, before the joke, after the joke, and in the middle of the joke. Favorite current Comedians: Patton Oswalt, David Cross, Zach Galifianakis, Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford, Louis CK, Jeremy Hotz, Stephen Colbert... There are lots of good, original, edgy comedians out there. I saw Bill Maher live in November. He was as amazing as I was stoned.
<div class="quote_poster">Quoting Voodoo Child:</div><div class="quote_post">Shape: Carlin can be funny, and most of what he says makes a lot of sense, but that sounds more like a rant than a joke. 44: Agreed on Chappelle's standup being a lot better than his show. I almost forgot how good he was until comedy central started to rerun his standups. It's too bad that most of his audience nowadays haven't seen anything but his show.</div> George Carlin does rant, but it works for him because he builds it up with a lot of small jokes. I also agree, Chappelle's standup is a lot better. One of my favorite skits was by Jim Breur ?Drinking is like a party in your stomach?
<div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post">HAHAHAHAH, SOME OF YOU LIKE CARLOS MENCIA He steals jokes, from George Lopez, Jeff Foxworthy, Doug Stanhope, and others. He is not Mexican. He is Honduran, and his name is Ned Holness. He is not edgy, but he'll tell you three times that he is, before the joke, after the joke, and in the middle of the joke.</div> ^ My thoughts exactly. There's nothing worse than a muscian, rapper, comic, or other entertainer who only writes about how funny, edgy, talented, etc. they are, and Mencia would definitely fall under that category. He acts like he's the first one to ever tell a racially charged joke, but that's what about half of all jokes are based on. He's an unoriginal, unfunny, fat, pompous assclown, yet people can't get enough of him. BTW - Does anyone know if Gaffigan was on Letterman last night? I didn't see him...
It just seems that people are that desperate to replace the void left by the Chapelle Show. Mind of Mencia is terribly repetitive, and his standup is too gimmicky.
<div class="quote_poster">Quoting shapecity:</div><div class="quote_post">Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. ~ George Carlin "They're superstitious, they have these beliefs, these primitive, you know, people believe in a... I mean they're just really kind of credulous, and gullible. People believe in, for instance, hell and angels, okay, these are very primitive, very, very backward to me, backward sounding beliefs, these are child-like, and that's the key, because they get you when you're a kid, they get you when you're little, and they tell you there's a God, and if you can make people believe, I believe this, if you can make someone believe that there's an invisible man, living in the sky, who's watching everything you do, and keeping count of everything you do, which is good and which is bad, then you can make that person believe anything after that, you can add anything you want, the 4th of July **** just rolls right in, land of the free, home of the brave, the press is fair and impartial, justice is blind, all men are created equal, your vote is important, the United States government is on your side, the army is here to keep the peace, the police are on your side... Oh, and freedom of choice, this is the big one, the illusion of choice, we're led to feel free by the exercise of meaningless choices. There are, for instance, important things -- not too many choices, unimportant things-ice cream flavors, what do you want, we've got 31, the flavor of the week, the flavor of the month, but political parties-we're down to two, jeez. Sources of information, media companies down to five, banks, insurance companies, pharmaceuticals, chemical companies, oil companies-used to be seven, down to three, pretty soon it's gonna be two. But if you’re lookin' for a bagel or a fuckin' donut, hey, what do you want-pineapple supreme, hazelnut; we've got everything you want. Cereals, I counted, personally in the store counted 192 different cereal choices, 192. 140 different cat foods, I counted, and that includes a tartar-control cat food for senior citizen cats, okay?" - George Carlin, appearance on Dennis Miller Live; [response to why Americans are so easily influenced by advertising]</div> Great stuff. <div class="quote_poster">Quoting voodoo child:</div><div class="quote_post"> Shape: Carlin can be funny, and most of what he says makes a lot of sense, but that sounds more like a rant than a joke. </div> He's more of a satirist, and satire is much more pleasing [at least to me] than comedy. Also, here's some more of Mitch's stuff... <div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post"> Man. I went to the doctor the other day. All this guy did was suck blood out of my neck. Never go to see Dr. Acula. Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here, YOU throw this away." I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. "Dammit, Otto, you are an alcoholic." "Dammit, Otto, you have Lupus." One of those two doesn't sound right. I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move. You're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you're a table. I did a radio interview. The DJ's first question was, "Who are you?" I had to think, "Is this guy really deep? Or did I drive down to the wrong station?" </div>
I gotta come out and say it; Dave Chappelle's stand up is not that great. The stories that he tells are so unfeasible that it stops being funny because there's no way that they could be true. In Live at the Fillmore he was talking about how a homeless dude was masturbating on the subway, and then took the subway hostage with his dick.....that's just stupid. I'll post my favorite comedians later. Is anyone else here an aspiring comic?
I am!!! I'm in this thing called forensics (NO NOT DEAD PEOPLE!!) lol. It's competitive acting, where I by myself perform in front of judges and my peers. Basically I'm a comedian, just not stand up. I perform a play a skit a movie, a book, w/e. And i perform my piece while shifting my voice, body weight, and facial expressions through out like 10 characters. Oh and this is all in just 10 minutes., haha i travel all arounf the U.S (mostly southeast) competing. I've won a ton of awards, and qualifyed for national tournament at marquette university in millwaukee, wisconsin. Sorry i seemed to have rambled, but yes i'm an aspiring comic. hahaha
