I guess I always assumed that, because pro athletes are making mega millions of dollars, and are privvy to all the latest, high-tech workout equipment, training facilities, medical treatment, performance gear, and nutrition, that they are top-flight, highly-refined, fine-tuned machines. I've always assumed that, because it was their job (a multi-million $ job), any given pro athlete made it their life to do absolutely everything possible to perfect their health, body, and mind, in order to perform at the most elite level. I assumed every player has, say, a complete computer profile of their body composition, nutritional needs, exact specifications on which workout routines are need at certain hours of each day of the week, and that there are a set of trainers on each team that is responsible for adminstering exact levels of nutritional supplements, vitamins, and performance supplements tailored specifically for each player. I assumed that players don't just eat whatever they want, but rather each player eats a diet specifically designed by the trainers, and that on game day, before each game, at a specific time, all players were required to consume some concoction of whey protein powder, creatine, electrolytes, perhaps caffeine, and certain other nutrients, and that this consumption was timed specifically to release these vital nutrients when most needed, to provide peak performance during the game. I assumed that every player was specifically required by contract to participate in flexibility training to loosen the connective tissues in joints, yoga, relaxation techniques to hone mental focus, perhaps a martial art to hone balance, and that of course all of this was supervised, balanced, and overseen by the trainers so that it was a finely-tuned formula for exact performance (i.e. not training in Judo 5 days a week as that would obviously jeapordize player health if they were competing, but rather they might, for instance, invite a judo teacher to the practice facility once a week, to lay out the pads and teach center of gravity). Of course, I've also always assumed that every player is required, by contract, to, uh, you know, work out? I mean, sh!t, you're getting paid more salary in one year than some countries gross annually in national economy, ya know? I figured that every player is required to enroll in a specific workout regimen designed specifically for their body composition needs, and there are no butts about it, that it's just part of the job. I also always figured that players just want to do this. That they shouldn't need to have it written in the contract, because frankly they should be writing it themselves. Every day they are putting everything they have into perfecting everything about themselves as a basketball player. They may only play in the league for 5-10 years, and once that's over, then it's time to bust out the cigars, the Heiniken, and the golf clubs, or go cruise your Escalade out on the town and go clubbin' with your homies. But for that brief, cartoon-like dream where you're playing pro sports for more $$$ than you could ever spend, you'd consider yourself a basketball-ninja, a basketball Samurai, dedicated entirely (like I am to this rant) to the one, sole act of putting the ball through the hoop. Then, one night when I was watching TV, I saw Antawn "funky tweener" Jamison, during the second quarter, drinking a can of Coke on the bench. And I was like WTF? That's odd. What, guys drink Coke on the bench? Don't they know that reduces their chances of success on the court? I mean, yeah it tastes good, but hasn't someone (like a trainer) told them that it will actually hinder performance, increase the risk of a cramp, and cause an increase in blood sugar followed by a "come- down" dip in energy? Now, this Coke incident is obviously a minor example. It won't kill you, and honestly I don't remember what Twan's play was like the rest of that game (probably "funky tweener" type play with awkward putbacks and quick release shots that look uncomfortable but go in). But ideally, Twan shouldn't be drinking Coke on the bench. I'm not to say what exactly he should be drinking (that's the trainer's job) but I can guarantee it isn't soda pop. Which made me think... are players really eating a specific diet during the week? Are they even eating a specific diet just on gameday? Are they having a creatine-protein shake with plenty of H2O and electrolytes say 45 minutes before game time? Wait a sec, no, wait, could Baron Davis really be going to get a double box of jalepeno nachos 45 minutes before game time? Say it isn't so!! Are the players required to work out? Wait, wait, c'mon AlleyOop, one look at Zarko will give you your answer. I mean, WTF! That guy hasn't touched a weight in his entire life! Now I'm not saying these guys should be body builders, but if Zarko added 10 pounds of muscle to his frame, oh crap he'd be so much better a player. So obviously the trainer has told him this, and obviously he is doing it, right? No. I mean, if that were true he'd have added it 3 years ago. Baron would have lost 15 pounds and kept it off. Foyle would have lost 10 pounds of fat and gained 10 pounds of muscle. Everyone on the team would have done the Air Alert plyometric program, and added 5+ inches to their vert (yes it works, I went from barely touching the rim to dunking a volley ball). And don't get me started on freethrows. Players should be eating, sleeping, dreaming, and breathing freethrows, right? Could it be that, this summer, players are chilling on the couch playing Madden 2007, eating nachos and drinking beer while an 8 year old kid is outside on the local blacktop as the sun goes down, shooting freethrows and telling himself "one day I'm going to play in the NBA?"
If I was as rich as them, I probably wouldn't do jack. I'd park my ass on the couch during offseasons, pull up my computer desk up to the cushions, and play counterstrike while eating lots of crap foods. My only offseason exercise regiment would be cursing aloud over multiplayer voip ...but that's only if I got a guaranteed contract from Mullin for the next six years and I still had enough "hops" so fans could yammer online amongst each other over my supposed "upside". Mully money would make sure I won't have to work an honest day in my life ever again. With the way the team plays overall, fans could probably blame some on Foyle, Dunleavy, and Murphy and not entirely on me. Go warriors! Go money!
<div class="quote_poster">Quoting custodianrules2:</div><div class="quote_post"> My only offseason exercise regiment would be cursing aloud over multiplayer voip and masturbating furiously to doctored pics of Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman...</div> OMG!!!
<div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post">My only offseason exercise regiment would be cursing aloud over multiplayer voip and masturbating furiously to doctored pics of Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman...</div> Jacking off would provide amazingly strong arm muscles if you went 30 mins. with each hand every day.
<div class="quote_poster">Quoting CABANGBANG:</div><div class="quote_post"> Jacking off would provide amazingly strong arm muscles if you went 30 mins. with each hand every day.</div> I'm sure it'll increase your dribbling speed Man, when masturbating is mentioned in a post... you know it's been a quiet offseason for the Warriors.
<div class="quote_poster">Quoting custodianrules2:</div><div class="quote_post">If I was as rich as them, I probably wouldn't do jack. I'd park my ass on the couch during offseasons, pull up my computer desk up to the cushions, and play counterstrike while eating lots of crap foods. My only offseason exercise regiment would be cursing aloud over multiplayer voip and masturbating furiously to doctored pics of Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman... ...but that's only if I got a guaranteed contract from Mullin for the next six years and I still had enough "hops" so fans could yammer online amongst each other over my supposed "upside". Mully money would make sure I won't have to work an honest day in my life ever again. With the way the team plays overall, fans could probably blame some on Foyle, Dunleavy, and Murphy and not entirely on me. Go warriors! Go money!</div> Angelina Jolie's lips are responsible for my quick hands. You think I'd train to Richard Simmons videos? no wackin' way. Gotta keep the monkey spunky
