I love the interent!! This is all from http://www.uncycopdia.com Bears The Chicago Bears are probably the most well-known snack associated with football in the United States of America. Many believe that they are responsible for 10 out of every 7 heart attacks, but studies have been inconclusive. The scandal surrounding Chicago Bears began when the parent company began pushing the snacks along-side Mike Ditka and Brian Urlacher, a supposedly revolutionary drug at the time. Although Ditka cured erectile dysfunction, clinical trials showed that ingestion of Ditka caused road rage, pant scrunching, and kitten huffing in a small number of cases. The public began associating Chicago Bears with kitten huffing and the company was forced to close all of their Chicago based factories and offshore them to Peotone. As equally well-known as Chicago Bears is the fact that Peotone makes terrible Chicago Bears. The degradation in quality caused a stir of black market trading of home-grown Chicago Bears. These home-grown variety had much stronger side effects and should not be consumed without a Pants Vaporizer present. Rex Grossman is the starting quarterback for the Chicago Bears. He gained this position by beating up Kyle Orton and tearing his neck beard from his face. Grossman now displays the neck beard prominently around his neck as a sign of his virility. It's well known that Grossman's bones are made out of plaster of paris, and therefore are very fragile. Rex Grossman is also the Swahili phrase for "King of the bitchin' 13-3 in NFL History." Rex is a Latinate word for king. "Gross, man!" is a common phrase used to describe NFC teams' style of play. Rex Grossman was born Jesus Angel Luis Castiliano in the slums of Mexico City in 1976. His father had been killed by a paramilitary drug gang while his mother was still pregant with him. His mother decided this was no life for him, and fled across the border to Los Estados Unidos in 1980. There, she decided to change their names to something more Anglo. A homeless man bumped into his mother and described her as, "Gross, man!" The name stuck. He grew up in East Los Angeles. His childhood was memorialized in the film Born in East L.A., starring Cheech Marin as Grossman. During his teenage years, Scientists fused Adamantium to his skeleton. However, because Adamantium did not exist at the time, they enfused glass from burnt out Chevys to his skeleton. As a result, Rex became very fragile, but never the less a force to be reckoned with. Grossman eventually learned enough English to go to a small community college in Las Vegas. Las Vegas County Community College has since been disacredited for allowing Rex Grossman to get a degree. Grossman got a degree in football, sometimes also called communications, humanities, or liberal arts. Grossman was drafted in the 67th round of the 1992 draft by the Pittsburgh Crawfords of the old Negro League. They traded Grossman to the Chicago Bears because they thought he was white. Had they known he was really Hispanic, they would have sold his rights to a Venezeulan winter baseball league. Grossman has had the good luck to play for a team so awful, they actually let Kyle Orton throw the ball for half a season. Grossman violently tore Orton's neck beard off. Since the bloody scab put Orton on injured reserve, Grossman has been the Bears' QB. In 2005, Grossman led the Bears to the playoffs by just sitting on the bench and letting the defense shut people down. When asked about this, Grossman said, "Well, shit, Trent Dilfer got a Super Bowl ring the same way. As if!" Grossman has promised to become even more of a useless apendage than Tom Brady if the Bears win the Super Bowl. However, Grossman has admitted that he personally couldn't possibly be as dumb, obnoxious, or obtuse as Brady has been with his fame. Said Grossman, "Still, it's gonna be great banging Bridgette Moynahan. I'll rip her off Brady the same way I took Kyle's fucking neck beard!"
ummm, some funny parts. Grossman got a degree in football, sometimes also called communications, humanities, or liberal arts. Hilarious
