Why? That seems silly to me. There is nothing that should be embarrassing about therapy or counseling. Everybody has problems in life. Getting help in solving them is a smart thing to do. Nothing wrong with good sound professional advice. Maybe you've tried in the past and were not comfortable with where you went. I have to tell you though that there are so many different counselors, groups and types of therapy out there to choose from that there is a good chance you could find something that is a better fit for you. If you can't do that for some reason, not ready to, or unwilling to, I suggest reading. Reading can help direct our minds to more useful thought patterns. If you wish you could try reading for self-discovery, OR, you could try reading for fun to give your mind a break from the things that trouble it.
I personally wouldn't tell moms...some things you've got to keep isolated. it just gets weird and they sometimes go overboard. therapists, I personally think a bunch of them are scams....they may help, but sometimes they are just lame sounding. i've never been to one but they seem scammy....good friends are the best outlet and a good network.
Therapists have a detachment that almost no friend can have. They care about you clinically, but they don't really "know" you... and they've been trained in a way that most people simply haven't been. Counseling and therapy are often less about what they say than what you feel you can say to THEM. In this situation it seems like it might be exactly what dpc needs. I know you said it's out of the question or whatever, dpc, but ... I hope you consider it because it sounds like you have trust issues that are not just rooted in this latest betrayal by your friends and not getting anything off of your chest will be a bad, bad thing for you. Ed O.
I went through some pretty horrible stuff in the past few years, some of which I could control, and some of it that I could not. I saw a therapist 5 or 6 times and it helped me immensely. More than anything, a good therapist, which I guess I had, makes you be honest with yourself and allows you to trust yourself, first and foremost. I'd highly recommend it, dpc. As far as the trust issue with your friends, you should actually trust them now more than ever. It sounds like they didn't know what to do, so they went to the one person who they knew would get through to you. Friends like that are a rarity. You are lucky to have them.
i've been to therapists before and it just pisses me off. i mean i have nothign at all against them, i just dont like having to talk when they tell me (the scheduled time) and having to stop when they tell me too (times up). i dont like that feeling. i also dont like how they are getting paid to basically listen to me. i know they got into the field becfause tehy care and like helping, but i just cant get that out of my mind. i know its being stubborn i know. i just dont like that feeling. there not my friend, there my counselor. and thats only because im paying them. i also feel that i know what they are goign to say. i know whats wrong with me. i dont deny anything. i know what i need to fix. i just cant for whatever reason. they may feel they have unearthed something in my childhood that makes me do what i do now, but ive already figured it out. they wouldnt be telling me anything i dont already know. and honestly i think my stubbornness wouldnt even let me listen to them again. talking to mom is out of the question. thats just a whole bunch of "its ok honey everything will be ok" to a million compliments to her blaming herself. then its her freaking out thinking she wont ever see me again next time i leave the house. i dont hate therapists at all. i think what they do for a lot of people is very great. but i know since i was little ive seen therapists and they dont do anything but annoy me. and about the neil diamond thing, its a quote from the movie "what about bob". neil diamond is the reason bill murrays character divorced his wife.
It's a bit ironic, given your opinion on therapy, that you would quote "What About Bob" in your signature.
lol i tried the baby steps thing. didnt work out for me. maybe i should take a vacation from my problems.
not sure if your bieng a smart ass or not but what i meant was a line from a movie. i was just kidding around, you have to see the movie to know what i was talkin about. although i might come out to oregon this summer for a few weeks.
I humbly suggest you simply haven't found the right fit. A good therapist will help you... 1. understand and accept that it is perfectly normal to have difficulties. 2. organize and understand your thoughts and your thought processes, and your emotions, and assist you in creating more effective strategies in working with them. 3. know and understand that it is a blessing that you are able to recognize your difficulties and work with them. 4. view yourself from a more objective place within yourself. 5. create more compassion for yourself. 6. create better ways of caring for yourself. 7. learn how to get the kind of support that will be the most useful to you when you have troubles. and he or she will be able to do so without making you feel weird about being there. Please understand it takes some time for a therapist to get to know you. Listening to your story is part of that process. If you don't like the way your sessions are going or don't like something your therapist says it is important to speak up. That way you can help make the best use of the time you have together. Its also important to establish some goals with your therapist and identify things to work on between sessions. As far as your mom or your friends go....they cannot possibly be expected to be neutral, which is what any effective personal advisor can do. They have emotional attachments and reactions to things. Its natural. They are only human.
I will frakly consfess that the worst mistake I ever made in my entire life was that, during the worst crisis of my life, I talked to a shrink. If I could have one redo that would be it. It's been 18 years and I still feel the impact, not of the crisis, but of her abusive conduct. Talk to your cat.
When you talked to your friends about your problem, did you ask them not to talk to your Mom? Because to be honest, unless you told them to not implicitly talk to your mom, they really did nothing wrong, all they did is care enough to do something. If there is one thing I have found in life, it is your friends are the one constant you can usually depend on. Girlfreinds come and go. My friends are always there. If you care about your friends, and they obviously care about you, you need to sit down, talk about what went down, what upset you about it, and lay some ground rules, and get back to hanging out with your buds. It's obvious they are exactly that.
They knew not to tell anyone. I told them many times before and we had many fights before about it. I'm still friends with them, I just don't tell them anything personal or meaningful in my life out of fear. I'm even nervous of just saying "my grades suck in this course or that course". Just no trust.
I think you should thank your friends for being there for you and doing what is the right thing. And when you realize that what they did is the right thing, then you'll slowly start feeling better about yourself. And once you forgive* your friends, talk to your family/mom. I asterisk the word because IMHO they didn't do anything wrong, and therefore need no forgiving.
