Happy belated birthday! And you're not old... I could be your mother. Well not literally your mother, I hadn't "done it" at that age and I swear I never touched your dad... I swear. I mean physically I could be your mother because I technically had the capacity to be your mother at that age... I mean... nevermind... this is just getting awkward. Happy belated birthday!
If it was up your ass playing handball, I bet you'd know where it is, lol... Happy Birthday, you poor, misguided soul.