OT: When healthy D Wade is the best player in the NBA

Sorry. But you don't sound very elfin. You sound more like an angry sprite or maybe an evil leprechaun.

 

So now your telling me I'm a fucking Leprechaun, and some other asshole called me a fucking dwarf. My slut mom was an elf and my alcoholic bastard of a dad was an elf too. I got too loaded on blow last New Years and gave herpes to this leprechaun wench, but that's the only contact I have ever had with those vile creatures. Trust me, I'm an elf, and if you don't believe me you can suck my pointy elfin balls.

 

Fighting Dwarf:



Elf:


GOD:


You are a Dwarf, Mister, an no amount of swearing is going to change that!

Elf my ass. You are a GOD, not a vampire. Look in a mirror for crying out loud.

 

I would trade Roy and LMA for Wade.

 

Quick, someone get me a couch, I'm having an identity crisis!


Just cause I look cute don't mean I ain't a fucking terror. Napoleon was a small dainty fellow, but took over half the world. Macaulay Culkin might look sweat but he has a fetish for hermaphroditic narwhals and throws HCL in the faces of centenarians. I look like a cuddle-bunny but I'll knife you for the second cupcake. So piss off you racist. I'll bet you are the one who says this guy isn't really Black:

Piss off if we don't all fit your dainty little stereotypes.

 

I am not a racist, you mental midget, if anything, you can call me speciest - which I am not, because elves are not even a species, you got Will Ferrel playing elves in movies for crying out loud, which pretty much proves my next point - You are not cute, nor cuddly, you are just a little insecure dwarf that tries to ignore his inner-self because of outside pressure (understandable when you live under a mountain and dig gold for a life).

Stop pretending, hit yourself on the head with some bread and start behaving like a proper dwarf.

Since you are GOD - I will now turn religious on your sorry dwarf ass and quote you some scriptures, as told from high above, possibly by yourself, to the prophet, Terry Pratchet:

"All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional." - Deal with it.

"All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee." - that's nothing to be ashamed of.

"The one positive thing you could say about the bread products around him was that they were probably as edible now as they were on the day they were baked. *Forged* was a better term. Dwarf bread was made as a meal of last resort and also as a weapon and a currency. Dwarfs were not, as far as Vimes knew, religious in any way, but the way they thought about bread came close." - You are GOD and bread is your weapon!

"There was no such thing as a dwarfish female pronoun or, once the children were on solids, any such thing as women's work." - See, I am not even sexiest! (although, some have told me I am sexy, which is not, I believe, one and the same)

"Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because -- what with trolls and dwarfs and so on -- speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green." - My point, exactly.

 

I like turtles.

 

I used to hate gnomes..... but then I saw their dance and I was sold.

[video=youtube;piX7Cft-KoQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piX7Cft-KoQ[/video]

 

And I'm not a sexist because I only discriminate against small boobed women, I am a boobest!

Here we go again with the racism. I am not a fucking dwarf. As far as outside pressure, that's why I have Oxycontin and Jello shots. And the only gold I have dug for was between a hookers legs.

If I were a proper dwarf I would drink a shot and slice you up with my Axe. But I am not a damn dwarf so instead I will do some blow off a hookers ass and gouge your eyes out with an ice pick. See, we are different!

I have a beard. but that is where the comparison ends. I only have 11 layers of clothing, and that includes my cock ring.

Dutiful? I got fired from cheveron for telling the owner to suck my nozzle as I sprayed gasoline all over his golden retriever. Literate, I can read, but only hooker adds. These don't seem to describe me at all. And as far as one drink, I have that in my sleep. Right now I am doing one shot of black velvet each time I put quotes around your crap and a Demerol for each answer I provide. All that and I can't wait to drive.

I don't know what to do with this. fucking bread. Who the fuck gives a shit about bread. If I ain't starving and I ain't banging a bakers wife, I don't need a fucking baguette.

This just proves I am not a fucking dwarf cause I just banged this little elfin hussy and trust me, no mistaking the sexes there. Although I suppose I did go tunneling.

I am color blind. I can not tell the difference between red and green. ANd you think it's fun to gang up on green? Or as I might see it Reds! or Native Americans. You should be ashamed of yourself you racist.

 

You sir are a master of words, twisting and turning them this way and that to confuse and befuddle. Some fuzzy math you make, sir, some fuzzy math. I will refrain from addressing your obvious sexual confusion when showing a guy with long, blond hair and describing him as cute and cuddly. Of course you are confused. You are dwarf. You know nothing about sex. How could you, under all those beards and multiple layers of clothing. You counting 11 where 12 are - is, again, math that is not focused - but I am, I must admit, surprised that you consider your rooster a part of your clothing, even if it is adorned with jewelry.

You, sir, prove that the pen is mightier than the sword, assuming that the sword is very short and the pen is very sharp. The truth may be out there, sir, but lies are inside your head.

Our interaction has lead me to perform more research, sir, (or lady, as it may be, who knows what lies under the chainmail) - and I have now refined my conclusion and decided, sir, that you are a dwarf cat, for it is said that in ancient times cats were worshiped as gods; and you behavior proves, sir, that they have not forgotten this.

 

First, the line I have bolded. Well played mine enemy. I will admit that my that I cherish my rooster and treat him with the dignity he deserves.



Onto your conclusion. I have earlier pointed out that you were racist, but now I must also elucidate upon the sexist nature of your words, saying that I am a pussy dwarf. Is it not bad enough to disparage my long elfin ancestry, but to also lampoon all women with such vile words and compare them all to short bearded unkept tunnel-dwellers? Tisk Tisk Tisk!

 

I am not worthy, not worthy...

 

He's top three. No one does more for his team than Lebron James though.

 

I love this thread. Too bad a lot of people won't read it because they skip all threads started by the OP.