whats up people? to those who remember me hi, to those who dont hi lol! Im back, real hyped about tmrw, I seriously think if raps beat LA tmrw bosh will stay! On the side note, I do comedy now so check it out! [video=youtube;vmBsqgMdUis]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmBsqgMdUis[/video]
i missed you dearly. Your absence left a hole in my soul that shall never be repaired. Why do you hurt so much?
You don't have any punchlines. You have to lead your audience. Tell them when to laugh. You've got the idea for a setup in place but you need to finish it. Premise, setup, punchline. Maybe the quality of the girl is like the quality of the job? You wouldn't wear a suit to a job interview at MacDonald's... maybe you met the girl when she was drunk off her ass at a party and now she wants to know if you have a retirement portfolio... maybe dating the girl would be like working at a VD clinic... I'm not a comedy writer but there is definitely something easy to finish with in this bit. There are comedians out there that don't use punchlines. Robin Williams, Dane Cook, Dennis Leary, Carlos Mencia--you can be successful without them but your delivery has to be outrageous. But its not a coincidence that those comedians are generally (hugely) disliked by other comedians.
