A man was caught having "intercourse" with a picnic table...I'm guessing he utilized the umbrella hole. http://www.toledoonthemove.com/news/news_story.aspx?id=150083
boo yah...its been done! http://www.metatube.com/en/videos/14818/Asian-Man-Humps-Bench-Gets-Dick-Stuck-In-Hole/
The article is poorly written, but apparently he wasn't "caught" doing it. He made DVDs, gave it to someone, who gave it to someone, and eventually a minor saw it. So he gets 6 months for "disseminating harmful material to juveniles and public indecency." Just my guess, since the article keeps the actual offense a secret. Keeping the details secret is standard operating procedure, because if the public knew there are tens of thousands of people in jail for such trivialities, the public would rebel. Note the hateful agenda of the website. They feel a driving need to publish his home address.
This one is funny too, http://www.kgw.com/news/Alleged-burglar-gets-stuck-in-chimney-for-7-hours-85046082.html
On the bright side of things, at least every time he gets horny all he needs is a picnic table from home depot and a router to get things humming!
Wouldn't he get splinters? I would think the metal pipe would be better. Maybe he should get the pipe grooved!