My primary comment would be that Seattle girl should not factor into the decision on whether or not to continue your marriage. This decision should be solely based on whether or not you can make your marriage work. If you can, then you should. If you can't, then you can't. I believe that the parenting issue alludes to what is probably the most significant issue at play here. If you don't want to have children, and she does, then it seems unfair to her to prevent her from doing so. However, I suspect that given the choice between you or kids, she would choose you. If she chose to continue the marriage after you had a three-year affair, and you are "her everything", my impression would be that she's dependent upon you. That doesn't seem healthy. Similarly, you're considering ending your third marriage to embark on a fourth. This suggests that your happiness has been perpetually tied to marital relationships. This also doesn't seem healthy. Each member of a healthy relationship should have the ability to function independently of one another, and then choose (continually) to remain in and contribute to said relationship. You are going through marriage counseling, but I wonder if the relationship might be helped by each of you going through counseling individually, such that you both learn how to be happy independent of one another, rather than depending on each other to provide your happiness.
Before we ended our relatonship, the answers were yes, yes, and yes. Wouldn't imagine they've changed.
In this country you can only have one wife at a time so you do need to choose. And we can all speak but can't decide for you. Sounds like a tough decision, but if you are really convinced you cannot build/rebuild a happy relationship with your wife, better to go since it would in the long run be better for her to hopefully find someone new than to live on with someone who does not want to be there.
This and only this ...damn Chris, with all the shit talk towards me I should have a field day with this...but I wont
If it were me I'd leave the wife and go after the soul mate. I've been married for a decade to a woman I consider the perfect match for me. When I think back to how I stayed for three years with a girl I didn't really love or see a happy future with, it makes my skin crawl. If you get a chance at something like I've got, you should grab for it as quick as you can. Because it's freakin' awesome to wake up every morning with somebody you want to spend every day of your life with. Humans are resilient. The woman you're currently married to (but not really with) will eventually get over you. And may even find somebody who can make her a lot happier than you can. She deserves a chance to do so. Especially after you cheated on her so long. Every day you delay the decision is another day she gets older, and finds it harder to find somebody new. (Have you seen the statistics on divorced women over 40? It gets drastically harder for them to find a new partner the older they get.) Life's too short not to give your best shot at happiness. Your happiness, your wife's happiness, the Seattle woman's happiness.
Let's see, you cheated on your wife and felt so bad about it you continued it for 3 years and only broke it off under duress from your wife- so it might have continued for 15 years. That tells me how you really feel about your wife. And frankly, any wife that would stay with a guy who had about as much regard for her as they do for dog crap has some serious issues. Were I her, I'd kick your cheating fanny out and take it for every penny I could get. So what's my advice? Well, You don't deserve your wife. Also, I have always subscribed to the theory that people either are or are not cheaters. You and Seattle Slew seem to deserve each other. Let your wife have 50% of your estate, let her have the divorce, marry the Seattle Skank and the two of you will surly cheat on each other and see how that goes. $.05 please.
Dude, that's pretty non-productive, don't you think? He's not asking to be judged. He's trying to figure out the best path forward. Calling people names and throwing on a lot of guilt (although admittedly deserved) isn't really productive.
I know. I was being intentionally harsh to make a point. It's the point I hope he gets and not the harshness.
Well BP had the guts to say it at least. As as for the Seattle Girl being the soul mate? I am sure he thought that when he married current. No one ever gets married thinking someone else is their sould mate... at least I hope not.
Spot on, as the kids say. Chris, don't take this as a personal attack because it's not meant that way, but as an ecstatically married man for over 32 years who has never even considered cheating on my incredible wife, I gotta say "you don't know what true love is". 3 years of lying and cheating and humiliating your wife? Do her a huge favor. Cut her loose ASAP so she can salvage the rest of her life and maybe meet someone who she can be happy with.
in my mind, you made the decision about your wife when you decided to have a 3 year affair with another woman.
The righteousness on this board is a little scary. It may be hard to imagine, but your wife will survive this and probably better herself in the end. I'm guessing you have stayed with her this long because you care about her and don't want to hurt her. I know many people, including myself, who have stayed in relationships for that reason. Life is short, seek your hapiness, even if it means making hard unpopular choices.
