Even if we lose tonight, it's not like the fucking season is over! Wait a sec, could MIXUM FINALLY be right?!?!
Relax. You're quite safe here. [video=youtube;YubzvkNh77w]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YubzvkNh77w[/video] Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.
My birthday is Saturday. The Blazers gift to me is that after all the shit that's gone wrong over the past decade, they are going to destroy Dallas in Game 7 in Dallas on my birthday. Ten long years of futility. Ten years of not getting out of the first round. Or even into the playoffs for half of that decade. Ten years of Roy's knees, Oden's body, Miles' contract, Stoudamire's shit-for-brains, Cheeks' facepalms, Qyntel's driver license, Zach's sloppy seconds, Ratliff's cash-in, Patternash's....EVERYTHING......all of that bullshit gets made up for on this one Saturday. They owe me this. Next year will be 2012, when of course Armageddon happens. So this debt must be repaid now.
Repent those words, lest we be visited upon by another decade long plague. And I know just how the new plague will begin. We take it to seven games. We're up by 15 in the fourth quarter. The refs swallow their whistle on a ridiculously hard foul by their center, and next thing you know their best player is waddling down the court with this cheesey dumbass open-mouth wide-eyed smile that will haunt us for another decade as they make an amazing come-back win and then go on to win the title. Meantime we trade Aldridge for Kevin Love and a broken Eric Dampier, dump Batum for character issues, allow Mills to take over the team so that he can dribble and shoot endlessly, and a bunch of Jerry Springer bullshit crops up that gives the fans a reason to sanctimoniously not show up for 21 win seasons "on moral grounds." In 2021 we will have this exact same conversation again. And you'll fuck it up again for us. So we'll do it again and again and again. It's the Matrix, only without the sunglasses and even more shitty. Repent, I say. Repent.
I'll use my 1,000th post for HCP's thread: Season may very well come to an end tonight, but I can then look ahead to the preparation of my many wild trade proposals for the off-season! In truth, I live and die by the Blazers - and I think we can win tonight. What I'm looking for however is some sort of move by Nate...something that shows us that our coaching staff have found the perfect adjustment - - then we can win the series! I'm most unimpressed with the lack of adjustments that have (not) been made against Dallas. Our defense in the paint is horrible. Watching Barrea (and Kid too) penetrate with no big man stepping in to stop these little tirds, makes me sick. At least Kid keeps his head looking down to the floor and never considers shooting once he penetrates! So I've been hopping that Nate has found some sort of way to adjust to guard penetration. I say put Johnson into the game every time Barrea enters. The guy is quick underneath and may be able to be a human fly-swatter!
If the gods want to make it up to us, they'll ensure we win the championship this year, prevent an NBA lockout and allow Oden to return with no loss of ability and a durable frame from here on out. Then I will say that the debt that gods OWE US is paid in full.
I guess you've never seen the 10 Commandments or Clash of the Titans or Raiders of the Lost Ark or pretty much every goddamned film or book ever made where somebody tells the deity how shit oughtta be, and that just pisses the deity off even more for getting so uppity, so the deity fucks the guy over even harder than he had it before. That's just great. Just keep going. At this point we're going to be lucky to get away with mere locusts and ass cancer.
Meh, it's not like the gods have any real power. I will never receive my comeuppance. *shakes fist at sky* YOU HEAR ME?? NO...COMEUPPANCE...ME!
To the gods: Minstrel's audacious lack of respect in no way represents the views of the Portland Trailblazers nor their other fans. Any appropriate comeuppance should be targeted towards Minstrel alone, and not this humble, long-suffering franchise. Also, tonight's pregame sacrificial chicken may be slightly delayed due to my dog's vet appointment. I promise to throw in a fatted calf to help compensate. Go Blazers! Go basketball gods!
In fact, I think the yellow background in his picture represents the Lakers. So yeah. Throw the bad shit their way instead. And the guy in his picture looks like Dirk. So some bad shit their way, also. Thanks!
That totally is Dirk! The big circle in the upper-right is a basketball that he's thrown up into the air while flailing away in the lane, and the bag he's carrying contains the refs, who have no choice but to call a foul. Fortunately, it appears that Dirk is about to walk off of a cliff...
