Sources within the Portland Trail Blazers organization report that after an extensive national search, team owner Paul Allen has decided to name retired forward Rasheed Wallace as the team's next head coach, effective immediately. According to officials at the team's Seattle headquarters, the decision to bring on the controversial Wallace, who as a player held the league's career record for technical fouls, came as Allen and his advisors realized that the team is headed for another lackluster season on the court. "The idea is to create as much of a spectacle as possible about anything other than wins and losses," the source said. "There's also the nostalgia factor, since the Blazers haven't been a contender since 'Sheed left in '04." The team also hopes to impress on fans that Wallace once threatened to punch out the lights of then-NBA referee Tim Donaghy, who has since been disgraced in a gambling scandal. "Fists don't lie," a team insider noted. The incident took place in the Rose Garden parking garage following a Blazer loss. Wallace, long unable to unload a mansion he owns in Portland's Dunthorpe neighborhood, has reportedly spent most of his career earnings and needs a steady job. "At least he's got the crib in Dunthorpe to fall back on," said one Blazer front-office manager, who refused to be quoted for the record. "It's got a pool table, which is important to him." In their recent quest for a head coach, the Blazers have called on Jerry Sloan, Mike D'Antoni, Phil Jackson, and many other quality coaches, but none have shown any interest in working for Allen. In contrast, the sources said, Wallace and new Blazers general manager Neil Olshey immediately hit it off in preliminary discussions. "Both sides interviewed hard," said one long-time Blazer official. The reaction from local sports commentators has been guarded. Dwight Jaynes of Talkin' Ball was not available to file a report, as he is recovering from a hand injury following an accident involving an Ichiro voodoo doll. Blazer TV commentator Mike Barrett responded to a reporter's inquiry with a long list of mind-numbing statistics devoid of any content. "The head coaching search is on a 10 to 2 run," was the last thing heard before he and the reporter both dozed off. Portland sports pundit John Canzano said that he would produce a comprehensive look at the Wallace hiring as soon as he finishes detailing Merritt Paulson's BMW. http://bojack.org/2012/07/new_blazers_head_coach_rasheed.html
JQ: Coach, why did you bench all the white players? RW: It was a good game, both teams played hard. JQ: Why didn't you play Claver or Freeland? RW: We CTC'd, so them cats be cool with it. JQ: You lead the team in technicals again this year, do you think that this affects the team? RW: It was a good game, both teams played hard. JQ: Why did you throw a towel in the face of your assistant coach? RW: Good night and God Bless.
The guy who wrote the blog used to post all the time on the old ESPN board years ago. Gramps and E, remember BoJax, I think he went to that first or second ESPN get together (1999 or 2000)? He used to have great season tickets and I bought some from him. Seriously funny and smart guy who really did just get fed up with the team, didn't renew his tickets, and stopped posting on the board.
I took a class from him once. He's a Tax Law professor. Very funny guy and very well liked at the university.
He is a really funny guy. He also a law professor at Lewis and Clark and well respected. He used to be a sports and Blazer nut, now he spends most of his blogging time writing about political issues. I enjoy reading his blogs (don't always agree)
His blog is amazing! He really stirs up some shit! http://bojack.org/ What he did to the new Miss Oregon who was really a California transplant was hilarious.
Zybot and Treaty - yup that's the guy. I have missed him from the boards for many years. Great poster!
Last I heard, Rashweed Wallace was coaching a bunch of potheads on how to smoke a doobie right down to the tip . . .
Oh come on . . . "both sides interviewed hard" . . . "fists don't lie" . . . "Canzano will write about it after finishing detailing Merritt Paulson's BMW". Little more creative than "Blazers suck"
In their recent quest for a head coach, the Blazers have called on Jerry Sloan, Mike D'Antoni, Phil Jackson, and many other quality coaches, but none have shown any interest in working for Allen. This much is true. Makes you wonder why nobody wants to work for this particular billionaire?
...I feel the need, the need for Sheed! He had, arguably, one of the highest basketball IQ's in Blazers history. It's just a shame that he didn't have the winner's mentality/work ethic, despised the NBA system so much and never wanted to be "the star".
