No joke. I am a complete fuck up. But there must be a reason why. I'm seeking professional help. But really, what a sobering realization. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up.
I wish, Barfo. I truly wish that was the case. I only posted here because I don't have the balls to tell my family how big of a fuck up I am. Rather, they will find out tomorrow. I figured, what could it hurt to just vent here a little. Most of the people on this board are very insightful and intelligent, and because none of you truly know me, what difference does it make? In short. Divorce. 11 month old son. I'm 95% responsible for the divorce because I'm a liar and a cheater. I'm very certain I have a psychological issue. My ability to separate action from consequence is alarming. I hate hurting people. I fucking hate it. But it's all I do. I gots problems. Oh, and I drink too much. See? Fuck up.
We are all fuck ups to one degree or another. It may appear those around you don't fuck up the way you do, but most do. You might not think it now, but time will heal much of this. Life goes on and you will be forced to and will pick up the pieces . . . only to potentially fuck it all up again. Good time to stop drinking and focus on getting in shape. Take it day by day.
No. Not any more. That ship has sailed. She has given me more chances than I deserve. I have a very long and painful road to follow. I have much to fix about me. Not for her, but for my son. I'm just so overwhelmed and disgusted with myself. Every thing points to me being a complete evil asshole, but in my core I'm not, at all. So shameful. I'm only posting all of this to get it out of me. To be honest, for once.
We've all been fuck ups at one time or another. At least you can see your flaws and you want to work on them. That's a huge step man.
Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss.
I hope that's the case. I've had many opportunities to sink or swim in my life and I've swam every time. This one is the hardest.
there's always worse shit going on in the world. bigger assholes, bigger fuckups, more jacked up situations. some people have it on easy street. some people work hard and have karma always bite them in the ass no matter what. just how it is. we don't live the life we always dreamed of. just gotta live life, man.
TPF, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I will say this, however: You're not an evil a-hole as you've labeled yourself. Why? Because the simple fact is you recognize your behavior has hurt people and have remorse for that hurt. You're engaged in self-flagellation, which is a good step. You're recognizing the mistakes you've made and are working to fix them and to make amends. I don't know you, but I have no doubt you'll be able to repair much of the damage you think you've done to your family. Children have a way of focusing you on doing the right thing, even when it's hard. It sounds like you're going to lose your marriage, but perhaps you can over time repair your relationship with the mother of your child to where you can once again be friends. If what I've written is trite and unhelpful, I apologize.
Yes, it sounds like you HAVE BEEN a complete fuck up, but that doesn't mean you have to continue being a complete fuck up. Many people have lived much worse lives than what you are describing, and for many different reasons (finding Christ as their savior, counseling, meds for disorders like Bi-polar or depression) have turned their life around 180 degrees. The only two people at this point you are really responsible for is you and your son. If your wife is done, and can't take it any more then you probably need to respect that and be the best you, you can be. You can feel free to im me if you need to talk or whatever. http://www.openbible.info/topics/being_overwhelmed
^^What MM said. I'm saddened that you are at this point, but I'm glad that you're able to recognize (and hate) it...that's a big part of the battle. I'm praying for your situation, and my PM is open as well...
Sorry to hear about your problems. Keep putting your son first. That's ultimately the key to turning it around. If you have problems associating actions to consequences, just remember you have a little 11 month old sponge where every single action you make has consequences on his happiness. Get out and stay out of your own head as much as possible and think about what's best for him. You could be flat broke, working at McDonalds, divorced and homeless, and if you are doing that you can hold your head up high.
I would STRONGLY suggest a substance abuse treatment as stop #1. Because I don't know you but I've known, sadly, several alcoholics, some of whom have fucked up FAR worse than you. AA is not for everyone with its "higher power" shit. You can call agencies that can steer you in the right direction. I've never been a substance abuser, I've had other issues but not that one so I can't speak from personal knowledge, but folks I know who've been through alcohol rehab have said that their other issues starting resolving when they stopped drinking. If YOU think you are drinking too much, believe me, you are.
