Joke Thread (the return)

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at
work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my
baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them
for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

 

Priest is walking along the pier, enjoying the sunshine, and sees a fisherman about to head out on his charter. Fisherman says "Come on Padre, I don't have any customers today, let's go catch something!" The priest thinks, "Why not?" and jumps aboard. Ends up an hour later with the biggest fish he's ever seen attached to his line and being dragged in. "Well done, Padre!" the fisherman exclaims. "That's the biggest sonuvabitch I've ever seen reeled in!"

"My son, I'll ask you not to swear. I'm a man of the cloth," the priest said, though still giddy.

"Naw, Padre, I wasn't swearing. That's just what we call that type of fish. It's a 'sonuvabitch'--and that's the biggest one I've ever seen. You should be proud of that!" And then they head back to shore.

The priest thinks that he'll be a nice guy and take it to the convent, to share with Mother Superior and the sisters tonight. As they bring it into the convent kitchen, the priest exclaims, "Look, Mother Superior! I caught this big sonuvabitch. If you help me clean and cook it, the whole convent can eat well tonight!" "Father," said the Mother Superior, "I'll ask you not to swear in the convent. What are you thinking?" "Oh, Mother Superior, I wasn't swearing--that's the name of this particular fish. It's called the 'sonuvabitch', and this is the biggest one the fisherman had ever seen!" "Well, then," said Mother Superior happily, "thanks be to God for this blessing. I'll help you clean it, and then we'll take it to Sister Mary Margaret to cook for dinner tonight."

So they clean and gut the fish, cut it up into fillets, and take it to Sister Mary Margaret. "Sister Mary Margaret," said the Mother Superior, "look at the big sonuvabitch the Father caught today! We've cut it into fillets for you to cook--it'll be a treat for the sisters!" "Mother Superior," said Mary Margaret, "I'll ask you not to swear. And in front of the good Father!" "Oh, Mary Margaret, that's just the name of this fish. It's called the 'sonuvabitch', and the Father has caught one of the biggest ones ever! Let's cook it up!" "Well then," said Sister Mary Margaret, "let me get to work! I'll cook this sonuvabitch up in a special way!"

As they were getting ready to sit down, the Pope shows up for a surprise visit. While stunned, the priest and Mother Superior are happy that they have the fish to serve, and happy that it was prepared in a special way. Afterwards, the pope sighs contentedly. "That was delicious, my children" the Pope says. "What was that delicious fish?"

"A big sonuvabitch, Your Grace," says Sister Mary Margaret.

"Excuse me?!" said the Pope.

"That's right, your Holiness," replied the priest. "It's fresh--I just caught that sonuvabitch."
"...and I cleaned that sonuvabitch," said Mother Superior.
"...and I cooked that sonuvabitch," said Sister Mary Margaret, happily.

The Pope looked at all three of them, stunned. After a moment, he took off his pontiff's hat, leaned back in his chair, kicked his feet up on the table and said "You know, you motherf***ers are all right!"

 

You figure it out.