Real issue I'm dealing with - atheism vs judaism

My nephew is 12 years old and comes from a family that didn't go to synagogue much, and whose parents are proud of being Jewish mostly from a culture standpoint. My nephew informed everyone about 6 months ago that he does not believe in god and will not have a Bar Mitzvah. My parents, his grandparents, are very very disappointed. My father does not believe in god, but loves the Jewish culture and takes a lot of pride in being Jewish. He really wants my nephew to have his Bar Mitzvah to bring my nephew pride in his culture too. My father has even hinted towards a giant monetary gift if the Bar Mitzvah happens.


Ok, so this is where I come in. Of the whole family, I am the one who is best able to chat and have in depth discussions with my nephew, and next week we will all be going on vacation together. Up to this point I have stayed out of the conversation, but I have told my dad that I will have a conversation with my nephew about how to be a proud atheist and a proud Jew at the same time.


I have been thinking a lot on the topic, and will fill in the details more as the thread goes on if people are interested. If anyone has suggestions, or even questions or comments,let me have them.

 

How will skipping one ritual decrease the quantity of family Jewish culture?

It's like a Jewish grandfather offering a lot of money for his nephew to get a circumcision. How would snipping off that ceremony take away from the family's Jewish culture?

 

Isn't it in your nature to berate them for believing in a "God"?

I'd go that route, and at least be honest with yourself. Pretending to understand isn't healthy for you or the family. Unless I missed it, I haven't seen many posts from you about believing in a god of any sort. Expose him to your belief structure if you want, or don't bring up religion at all, which is the better thing to do, IMO.

I don't get this thread at all. Are you telling your nephew to be involved in Judaism, although there is no god for him to worship? It seems like you're the conflicted one here.

 

There are a couple reasons.

To get a Bar Mitzvah you have to go to Sunday school for a yearish, where you learn not only about the Torah, but also about our history including all the diaspora, living in shtetls (jewish ghettos), that education is the only thing we can take on the run, what happened in WWII, and much more. But those studies help cement a more unified feeling with other Jews around the world.

Also, simply going through the same ceremony that enters youth into adulthood that ones parents, and grandparents, and so on all did, brings one into closer kinship with their history.

Lastly, it is a reason for all the relatives from across the country and round the world all to come out and celebrate together. It is a demonstration of the importance of family and our culture.

 

I do plan to be totally honest that I don't believe in god, but that being Jewish, unlike other religions is not about belief. I plan to explain that I am Jewish because my mother is. There are no beliefs that make one more or less Jewish. There aren't even beliefs that make one a "good Jew", there are just actions that make a person a. "Good Jew". There is no belief in afterlife, no actions out of fear. We do good because it is good, and the Torah is meant as a guide to think on and understand what is moral and just.

 

Can you sing in Hebrew?

 

Large enough to start learning

 

See all the dots and lines under the letters, those are tropes, they tell you the tune to sing.

 

Each week there is a haftorah portion that would be don by the bar mitzvah boy. Here is a good example.
[video]http://youtu.be/I7-FcV-VKeI[/video]

 

My big shame,

I've never seen Fiddler on the Roof.

 

So you're defining Judaism as a 'race', and not a 'religion'. I know Jewish people who believe in God. You're redefining Judaism to your nephew. I'd tread lightly on that one, since he's still young. 'One God' is ambiguous, though. It's a dilemma, that's for sure.

 

In all honesty, I don't know how much my parents would give, but my best guess is 10k. Not bad for a 13 year old boy.

 

Well now we know you're not Jewish.

I kid. An interesting thread. Thanks for starting it.

 

Yes and no. that's a common misconception from those used to thinking about religion from the perspective of one who has grown up in a place where Christianity is king.

In Judaism there are a few big differences. First, it is a religion that is based on action not faith. It was a rabbi that told me I don't need to believe in god to be a Good Jew. I am not a Good Jew because I don't follow the 613 Mitzvots, or laws in Judaism. Being Kosher, not disrespecting parents, stuff like that. Being a good Jew is based on action, doing those mitzvots. The rabbi told me that the hope is that if you follow the laws, you will end up believing, but the point is to question, not to have the answer. The Talmud, a Jewish holy book is unique in that the entire point of the whole book is to question, there are ethical dilemmas presented, some with no good answer, but the point of the books are to question. But even if I am not a Good Jew, I am still a Jew because of my mother. It's not just a cultural view, it's also how Israel, most synagogues and most rabbi's view it. They just look at me as a non-practicing Jew. But still a Jew.

The next important difference is that whereas a priest is something holy, the word of god and all, a rabbi is just a teacher and a scholar. Our relationship with god, if we have one, is direct and not to be filtered through an intermediary. There is no clemency, no person to ask for forgiveness. But that has to do with he next point.

Jews also believe you do what is right because it is right. There is no reward for good behavior or punishment for bad behavior. We learn and study to help develop a sense of community, friendship and love, and these will help guide our ability to know what actions are good and which aren't. This is also why we talk to a rabbi, for advise. They just give us their views, and the views of past scholar Rabbis, but their word is just the word of a person.

I had four points hen I tarted writing, but can't remember what the last one was. Perhaps after some sleep.

 

No worries! I appreciate a thread of candor for once that hasn't devolved into chaos.

Isn't it well known that Judaism was basically the beginning of a heaven, though. Not an afterlife, but a heaven?

 

Not that I know. I went to synagogue often growing up, went to Sunday Hebrew school for years, never heard a single peep about heaven, hell or what happens after death. When I spoke with my dad yesterday, in preparation for my upcoming nephew to uncle talk, I asked him specifically if I missed it, and there was a Jewish concept of afterlife, and this is what he said, paraphrased. 'No. We believe in doing good because it is right, and we believe in god, but there is no concept of us after death. We simply die, no reincarnation, no heaven or hell, no virgins waiting, just that we were good and that's enough.'