You know, I love my little nephew to death, and the last two years that I've been back working in Memphis, I usually watch him two or more days a week. As much as I love him and will miss him when I go off to law school, it's such a bitch just watching a child part-time, that I couldn't imagine having that responsibility full-time at my age, so I know personally I'm not looking to have a kid for a while. My brother had his first at 22, but that's just how things roll down here... women go to Ole Miss and Memphis for their MRS degrees, and families start a bit earlier. I'm a bit younger than you, Zags, but I'm still pretty close in age, and kids are not even on my radar. Maybe getting married is a little more on the radar, seeing how my whole schedule these days is figuring out how to go to my friends' weddings and whatnot... makes me wonder why the hell I haven't pulled that trigger sometimes, but if you've met some of the crazy bitches I've dated, you'd understand that one. I just got done living with this one girl in New Orleans before I moved back to Memphis, and that experience alone made me reconsider a lot of things... Anyway, I'm not looking for either marriage or kids until I graduate law school, and I'm cool with that. If you want to go for it, go for it, but don't just jump into shit because you feel like the clock's ticking. A girl I dated in high school kept trying to get me into straight up impregnating here... she was baby crazy at 17. I got freaked out by it, stopped seeing her, and now she's a single mother of two by some older guy. You don't want to wind up in some hoodrat situation like that just because your mom was pressuring you to give her grandkids...
This response seems a little out of whack with the answer STOMP gave, were you trying to be serious in your response or just trolling him? Because honestly, nothing he said warranted that kind of response. as or the for the original question, I don't know what to say about myself. I went through a phase (most of my early 20's) where I knew I was in a place where I would be doing a disservice to have kids. Didn't want them either (and it's not like the opportunity presented itself frequently). In my late 20's, I kind of thought it was something I'd be OK with, but again, didn't exactly have the opportunity. Recently, in my late 30's, I thought I might be close to starting an already made family with a woman I've known since I was in college, but that didn't happen (in retrospect, probably for the better. She doesn't make wise choices a lot, is divorcing for the 2nd time in 8 years). I totally get the whole "getting too old" mindset, but dude, you're not even 30. This thread kind of makes me feel I'm getting too old, or not in a stage in my life where kids is a possibility (btw, thanks for that), so I get you. But at the same time, in my mid 20's I kind of came to the conclusion that I needed to be OK with not having kids, and I am. And the older I get, the easier it gets to accepting it. My family name is already living on (my brother has a son), and my parents are already grandparents (5). I've also accepted that I probably wouldn't be a great father to begin with anyways. So I'm sure I had a bigger and more poignant point originally.
Other way around. I decided at about 13 that I would never marry or have children. Few people if any took me seriously (apparently a person has to reach a certain age before their thoughts matter) but I knew it was true and never regretted either for a minute. (That was also the age at which I made my decision for atheism. Seems to have been a breakout year for me.) When I was 14 a boy I knew bet me $25 I'd be married by the time I turned 25. I wasn't but we'd long since lost touch. Every time I was really hard up I wished I knew where to find him so I could collect my $25.
I understand you can have a very fulfilling life without kids, but having kids seems like one of the world's greatest joys. I'm not sure why anyone would choose not to partake in that experience and bond.
That's exactly the way it is down here, i can't tell you how many people i know from high school that got married and had kids right after graduating/dropping out. I know a girl that has a kid in first grade and we're only 23! Probably another 10-15 years for me, i can barely take care of myself, no way i could support a family.
I understand having children is a great joy for some people. IMHO no one should have children unless they feel that way. (The feminist slogan is "every mother a willing mother, every child a wanted child".) I honestly do not think I would be a success as a parent. I really am not a child person. Honestly. I see others cooing over babies and while I fully support social measures to help children and families the actual babies leave me unmoved. When I see a cat or kitten, OTOH, I just think "awww"! And also I did not enjoy childhood. Fuck, I hated childhood. I would not want to subject another human, especially one I cared about, to what I went through.
If you want children, I would recommend finding someone you want to marry first. That should take awhile as a good percentage of marriages end in divorce. Then as a couple you can decide when it is best time or if you even want to have them. I think there is no right/wrong answer for when to have kids. For me, having them later allowed us to not have to worry about money and all of our decisions are based on what is best for the kids. We also got to see the world while still young. For my friends that had them younger, they had more energy to keep up with the kids and get to enjoy grandkids without being too old.
Very good point. A friend of mine had a kid to try to keep her marriage together. She ended up wising up and leaving the idiot but she now is a single parent of a daughter. Granted, her daughter is everything to her and she wouldn't change things, but having kids is serious business. If you're not sure, don't.
Depends what someone finds fun. I used to go to the club's, Vegas, bars etc a ton from 21-26. Now I'm all kinds of tired of that lifestyle and am looking forward to having fun being married, going on family trips, having kids etc
I have never heard anyone say children saved their marriage, but plenty that have said kids help end it. I think strong relationships can be enhanced with kids while shaky ones are put to the test.
