Saw this on a webpage today... Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
Kinda similar to how I like my women.... I like my women like I like my coffee: black, bitter, and ground up in my freezer.
How many pall bearers do they need at a Polish funeral? Seven. Six to carry the coffin, and one to drag the body...
HCP bets his wife $100 that she can't say something that would make him both happy and sad at the same time. Mrs HCP thinks for a moment and responds "Of all your S2 friends, you have the biggest dick".
Duck walks into a drug store and buys some chap stick. Clerk says cash or credit? Duck says put it on my bill
Duck walks into a drug store and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" Clerk says, "No, I'm sorry, we don't carry grapes." Next night, the duck walks in and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" Clerk says, "No, like I told you last night, we don't carry grapes." Next night, the duck walks in, and again asks, "Do you have any grapes?" Clerk says, "Look, pal, I told you last night and I told you the night before, we don't carry grapes! Please stop asking me that!" Next night, sure enough, duck says, "Do you have any grapes?" Clerk says, "Now see here, duck. If you come in here and ask me if we have any grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your damned foot to the floor, okay? Now go away!" Next night, the duck walks in and asks, "Do you have any nails?" Clerk says, "No, we don't have any nails." Duck says, "Good. Do you have any grapes?"
Q: What's the difference between the Chesapeake Bay and a blonde? A: The Chesapeake Bay is losing its crab population. Q: How can you tell that a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies? A: There's M&M shells all over the floor. Q: Why are murders in Arkansas rarely solved? A: They all have the same DNA. Q: What do Arkansas chicks and polar bears have in common? A: They both lick their paws. Two men drink in a bar. One man says, "Did you know that beer contains female hormones?" The other man says, "No. Is that true?" "Yes," says the first man. "If you drink too much, you start talking crap and drive terribly."
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a zoophile, and a pyromanic are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat?" Asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it" says the sadist. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it and then kill it" shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again" said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it" said the pyromanic. There was silence and then the masochist said: "Meow"
> > > After experiencing the discomfort and > embarrassment of a colonoscopy in Ontario, I decided to have > my next one carried out while visiting friends in San > Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly > much more gentle and accommodating. > > > > As > I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous > nurse began my procedure. > > > > "Don't worry, > at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal > to get an erection," the nurse told me. > > > > "I haven't > got an erection," I replied. > > > > "No, but I > have," replied the nurse. > > > > Don't get a > colonoscopy in San Francisco........... > >
