OK... My father is getting married this coming Saturday (technically, this is a faux-wedding as the real one took place in Arkansas two weeks earlier and this is for all the people they didn't think needed to nor should have to travel). I am very happy for him. His wide/bride-to be is a fantastic woman and thing they are great together. I'm very close with my brother... I was his best man and gave the speech at his wedding and he and his wife actually asked to be have the speech printed and framed... My brother is still a little raw about this all... My mom passed away just 6 days shy of 6 years before the day of this wedding (they were married just shy of 35 years before she passed). My brother still needs to work through this and his issues. My dad immediately left after mom mom's passing to care for his ailing father in Arkansas... I didn't have quite the same relationship with my mother plus I understood he was being a good son and taking care of his dad... I think he'd want the same for him and I'd want the same for myself. This past Saturday at my daughter's 1st birthday party, my dad and his lovely lady asked me to give a toast/best man speech... So, I'm trying to figure out how to write/give this speech. I can't have it be the same as my brother's wedding... if I make it on par, it might hurt my brother's feelings and I don't want to do that... I'm trying to make sense of how to go about writing this and don't quite know where to start. Any suggestions? Anything to steer clear of? Thanks
...hammer do what your heart tells you, not your head. ...put yourself in your Father's position and imagine what he'd want to hear. You cannot at this point, change how your Brother feels. I went a similar situation with my Brother. He simply could/would not accept the fact that Dad had passed and Mom still deserved to have a happy life and he refused to acknowledge her new husband. She remarried to a very nice fellow who also passed just recently. Like my Dad, her second husband was a vet also and when they played taps at the funeral of Mom's second husband, it got to my Brother and he broke down...it was only then that he realized how wrong he had been. ...like I said, do what your heart tells you and you can't go wrong....to paraphrase Don Henley, "What the head makes cloudy, the heart makes very clear". (In a New York Minute)
Sometimes Steve that old adage of "Less is more" makes a lot of sense. Make it short & sweet. Wish your dad the happiness he deserves, and thank his lovely bride for bringing a smile back to your dad's face. Just make it direct & from the heart without going over the top. Maybe you could even include your brother into the speech by saying that you hope your dad & his bride could have the same happiness that both you & your brother were lucky enough to have that found with your wives.
You don't own your brother's issues. And you cannot predict how his feelings will interpret the toast. Look, this is your dad's day. The family has come to expect a level of eloquence and thoughtfulness from your toasts....give them that. The last thing your brother needs down the road is the realization that you watered down the toast for him. If you give one on par to the one you gave at his wedding, perhaps that connection will help bring him around and accept the new happiness your dad deserves.
Make a short list of the most positive points, build from there,. Music always helps, if you can weave in a couple of song titles to weave into your presentation then do so. Be positive, stay focused, and you'll succeed. Best of luck to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's an additional thought Steve, ask for your brothers input or bounce some idea's off him. Maybe if he feels a part of it it'll be a little easier, but like Tom said, this is your dad's day and it should be all about him at any cost. I'm sure all will go smoothly.
...^^^ after reading ALL the advice in the previous threads, I don't think there's much more to say, or advise you on Steve....... Your situation Hammer, is the Epitome of "being b/t a rock and a hard spot"..... Brotherhood IMO has always been a sacred bond...... to often us humans often don't understand each other....for example, My belief's in what criteria makes for a "Good" Father or a "Good" Son, are much different than that of my Father's beliefs.....(my brother and I, almost always thought much the same on any issue)....simple, but this thought evaded me for a long time. Doesn't mean my Father is wrong and I am right, simply we see each role differently....The same can and sounds like it applies b/t your Brother and Yourself....? It is important to realize such. From Childhood on, I tried to be the Father to my sons, which my Father was NOT to me..... Honestly the only advice I can give Steve, is: "Let compassion be your compass".....(not much different than what's already stated)..... Personally, I've been married for 33 years, (and lived with Kim for 2 1/2 years before getting married. I have NO desire to ever get remarried, if or when Kim passes........Is it because no one can replace her, or basically one wife is enough for me in this lifetime....yet, my beliefs are mine, and I don't expect any one else to live to the same criteria, I expect of myself. best of Luck to ya' Steve, I wish you well always, and believe you will come up with the perfect speech my friend.....Take your time too, I know your thinking deep on this, and all those thoughts will materialize in due time, as necessary, to write the speech....... In my realm, most of my best work, (the written word), often waits and comes right as close to the deadline as it can get...... Let us know how it goes, if you will please....? The Chief Caveman, and Keeper of Thor's Hammer, never fails, or disappoints. Your a good man, I've seen that for damn near a decade, and good things come to those who are patient, open minded, and entrusted to care for Thor's Hammer....
Just thought I'd let you guys know it went incredibly well! Got compliments (if not multiple) from everyone there... My dad, his new wife, & my brother loved it!
