Twas the night before Christmas and all through the page, Posters were ranting with ‘wisdom’ and rage. Whether quips were created with rancor or care, All were concerned with how the Blazers would fare. The players were nestled all snug in their threads, With visions of trophies dancing in their heads. Mrs HCP in her nighty and and SlyDog in her lap, Were hoping the season, didn’t turn into crap. When out on the court there arose such a clatter, Bones lept from his crib to see what was the matter. To the suite window, Scalma flew like a flash, Tripping on presents and dropping his hash. The light on the court lit completely aglow, CJ and Melo doing work on Iso. When what to NateB’s sleepy eyes should appear, RoCo and DJ in new Blazer gear. “Who’s running this show?” asked Tince with a flare. It’s the master of weave, the elusive Ter-Bear. With rampant expedience, more posters they came, Chis Craig whistled and shouted and called them by name. Now Rasta, now Guru, now B-Roy, Game Dame, On BlayZa, on Cugel, on Ironman, Ukraine. Post wisdom and direction, of how not to fall, Get out on the break, and dunk on them all. And then in a twinkling I heard in the air, ‘Copter blades swirling, “Who could be there?” Twas the Jody come down to relay to them all, A message from dearly departed brother Paul. “I loved this game, like Webs and Staley, Play the game with pride, live for the 503. Pass the ball quickly and on D move your feet. If we can do that, all can we defeat.” She spoke no more, but her message was clear, Sort it out right now, before the end of Dame’s career. Waving farewell to tester, Bert and OB, Jody walked to the lift, up to her rotary. The lawn care boy helped strap her in, Under the bodyguard eyes of River and Fisherman. “HailBlazers!” she chimed, “May the Pinwheel live on.” Then away she rose, and soon she was gone. The fans are left,with their dreams of a ‘ship, Hoping for glory with a team that won’t quit. We bleed scarlet red as we urge on the fight, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
There were so many guys I couldn't figure out how to fit in. Some are in there subtley. "Lawn care boy" knows who he is.
How The Silver Stole the Blazers Championship Every Portlander Up in Portland Liked the Blazers a lot... But, Adam Silver Who was headquartered east of Portland in New York, Did NOT! Adam Silver hated the Blazers! The whole Blazers franchise...yes even this season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be jealousy of the Blazer's fight. It could be, perhaps, a grudge held onto tight. But, I think the most likely reason of all is Maybe the NBA wants the pacific NW to fall. (There are no more sonics after all.) But, Whatever the reason, Envy or grudge Adam Silver stood there on Christmas Eve Eve, hating the Blazers. Staring down from his office with a sour grinchy frown at pictures of happy Blazers fans about in their town. For Adam Silver knew every fan in Portland to the west was busy now hanging their Blazers swag with a zest. "And they're readying there gear," he snarled with a sneer. "Regular season is practically here!" Then he growled, with his spindly fingers dancing, his teeth gnashing like a lemming, "I MUST find some way to stop the Blazers from winning!" For the 23rd he knew ... ...All the Blazers fans girls and boys would be ready at 7pm pst all full of joy. And then they'd root for their team! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That's the one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! Then the Portlanders with their free Mcnuggets would sit down to feast. And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They would feast with BBQ sauce, honey mustard, and ranch which Silver couldn't stand in the least. And Then They'd do something he liked least of all! Every Portlander down in Portland the tall and the small, would stand together even after a loss. The next game they were still full of hope, they'd chant about winning and they're sadness they'd toss. Hopeful for a championship and a ring! A RING! RING! RING! RING! And the more Silver thought of this whole Blazer ring, the more Silver thought I must stop this whole team! Why, for six years I have put up with it now! I must stop a Blazers championship from coming but how? Then he got an idea! An awful idea! ADAM SILVER GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! "I Know just what to do!" Silver laughed in his throat. He made the Lakers champions led by the refs and the "GOAT". And, he chuckled and clicked, "What a great Silver trick!" "With the "GOAT" and the refs, I control every brick." "All I need is to keep the Blazers losing..." Silver looked around. Since, corrupt refs are scarce, there were few to be found. Did that stop old Silver...? No! Silver simply said, ", If I can't find corrupt refs, I'll make some instead. So, he called his dog Foster. Then he paid lots of money and put thoughts in Scotts head. THEN He sent Foster to recruit some more refs He loaded them with whistles and told them his plan and told them they could place bets, that he didn't give a damn. Then Silver said, "Giddap" And the refs started down Toward the Moda Center Where the Portlanders lay a-wait in their town. All the Windows were lit. Blazer mania filled the air. All of the fans were rooting for their team with great care. When the refs came to first game of the season. "This is game number one," Silver's voice full of treason, he hissed. And the refs readied themselves, whistles in their fists. Then the refs called everything for the Jazz, didn't give the Blazers an inch. It didn't look fair, but hey in a pinch. The refs only got stuck a moment or two when the Blazers made runs, the Jazzed lead they almost blew. But, did the refs lose control of the game, no. Jusuf Nurkic was the first to go. In foul trouble he went to the bench. Then the foul trouble came in a steady flow, and controlling the game was a cinch. Adam Silver watched with a smile most unpleasant, he didn't dare mask it. He watched as the refs took most every basket. Shoves! And pushes! Elbows! And slaps! The refs didn't call it, they might as well have took naps. Over the back fouls! Travels! Dirty plays! And Techs! They all went uncalled what the heck! Then Silver had the refs help the jazz stuff their stats very nimbly, stuffed em right up the Blazers Chimbley. As his refs stole the game, Silver saw it was near over, and thought they had spun it. As it neared 4th quarter he thought he had done it. When on the TV he heard a loud sound. A piped in voice calling the refs clowns. It yelled for the Blazers to come to their senses. "Get your heads out of your asses and fuck up the Jazz so bad, they forget all their tenses." Silver turned and looked in the stands at the monitors a - roar. He saw little Chris Craig not taller than 5'4. The refs had been caught by this tiny Portland fan who yelled quite loud, as though he had the voice of many a man. He stared at the refs and said, "Why the fuck are stealing our game? WHY? But, those refs were so slick Now that it was the fourth they started to call fouls on the jazz, and the called them real quick. The Blazers went on a run, the Jazz's lead started to slip. The refs swallowed their whistles on the Blazers end, and stayed mum. Chris Craig relaxed and refilled his rum. The Blazers came back and they won. Silver was pissed that refs spoiled his fun. He had them steal other games throughout the season. One after the next without any reason. He snatched them, and bagged them. He seized them and nabbed them. He controlled the standings and made sure the Lakers were on top. The Blazers some how managed to be in the lot, even with all the games he had stolen, he should have tested for pot. It was most way through July the playoffs in gear. The Blazers were winning, the conference finals were near. They would play the Lakers in the top tier. All the Portlanders cheering All the Portlanders full of booze When he called up his refs He assigned Scott Foster to make it real clear The Lakers were to repeat or his wrath they would fear. 50 feet up the side of the bowl sat Silver in a suite the game on the ready. The refs were controlling game 1 steady. "Pooh Pooh to the Portlanders," he was humming. "They are about to find out no championship is coming." They are about to be let down, I know just what they'll do. They can't take two Laker's championships, they will all cry BOO- WHO! "That is a noise", grinned Silver, "that I simply MUST hear." So, Silver paused and he put his hand to his ear. And as the buzzer sounded and the Lakers won out, he did hear a sound, but it put him in doubt. It started in low and then it started to grow... But, the sound wasn't sad! Why this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But, it WAS merry! VERY! He stared at the fans in the monitors from Portland. Silver popped his eyes. Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise! Every Blazer fan down in Portland, the tall and the small were chanting, without a game 1 win at all. "We will get game 2!" They all sang. And the Blazers did win game 2 and then then 3 more and took the series. The beat the Heat in the finals and they got even more cheery. He HADN'T stopped a Blazers championship from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other it came just the same! And, Silver sat in his suite with his long fingers drumming. He sat puzzling and puzzling. How could it be so, I didn't stop it from coming. It came without wins in LA, Denver, and Dallas, oh those Mavericks! It came with losses to the Bucks, Philly, and Celtics! It came without a super team, a big market, or coattails riders. It came despite raising prices on beers, hotdogs, and sliders. And he puzzled several long minutes more, till his puzzler was sore. Then Silver thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe championships," he thought, "doesn't just come from high scores." "Maybe Championships...perhaps...means a little bit more." And what happened then...? Well, in Portland they say Silvers heart grew three sizes that day And that minute his hate for the Blazers didn't feel so right. He ran from the suite into the bright arena lights. He brought the championship shirts and the hats. He thanked the Heat as they went to their locker room all mopey. And he...he himself Adam Silver, gave the Blazers their trophy!
When does the movie come out? Jim Carey’s not doing much these days and he’d make a badass Adam Silver.
I tried to think of a way to fit yours in as well. I must admit, I'm not even sure of how to pronounce that to get it to try to rhyme with anything.
There was no mention of BenDavis or that grumpy bastard that was banned (was it PapaG)? No mixum? No FAMS? Or the other crazies that were banned? B-
