I haven’t read the off topic section in ages and was happy to see the first topic, this Thread. I opened it up to see people were sharing and that was good. Then, the derailing by folks who I know are well intentioned. Especially in a thread like this, perhaps let unintentional slights slide by. back to topic, this has been the toughest year and a half of my life, dealing with substantial personal loss, work where I had to be a whistleblower and a couple health issues which landed me in the hospital and required surgery. The toll everything took on my mental health was severe with anxiety, depression and more. I saw four therapists during this time but they weren’t particularly helpful although just having a place to open up relieves stress. The hardest part was that due to both home and work dynamics I had to be the strong one, I had to be responsible for others, especially at work. The upside I am now starting to reach the other side. Now that I was successful in navigating the school, where I worked, out of a terrible situation, the students and other staff are much safer and happier. This took a lot responsibility off of me so I could turn my attention inward. The loss in my personal life is still substantial, I can’t listen to most of my music, watch many movies or cook certain meals without depression returning. However, it’s better than it was. Last week I ended my job and I have a new one starting in a week. It should be a very interesting job, really good coworkers and a company that treats everyone with respect. I’ll come close to doubling my income which is pretty awesome too, having gone into substantial debt dealing with my personal circumstances. it’s kind of weird, I should be very anxious and nervous heading into a completely different phase of my life, but I’m calm. I get to rebuild, move away from the feeling of loss and dread due to time always ticking. I’m still not joyful like I once was. But I’m starting to have those moments.
First a shout out to all who are battling any mental illness at all. It's not easy for sure. I have a younger brother who's struggled all his life and still does in his 60s but I don't have the answers at all. I did read an article in the Irish Star that mentions they are making progress in a vaccination that can possible correct autism in the brain. Thought I'd link it here. Autism could be treated with a vaccine that corrects mutant versions of gene (msn.com)
I have buried my PTSD for most of my life thinking I was stable enough to ignore it and get on with my plans. I've learned that that caused me unnecessary stress and at times anxiety. I could probably benefit from therapy but at this point I've still got my sense of humor and I'm able to deal with most things without meds or therapy but I'm not sure that my choice would be one I'd recommend. I think people should do what gives them great joy and practice not reacting to life in the moment. I used to tell my son that when he got upset to go get a shovel, go out in the yard, dig and hole and screeam in it then bury the scream. With toddlers, (grandchildren) I'm learning about child psychology and it's changed since I raised children. I'm more of a disciplinarian than my son is and that's probably not a good thing although I really don't know if that's true or not. I think children need firm parameters and guidance.
Sounds like you’re coming out the other side, that’s good. I had a pretty devastating year here recently which I don’t really talk about, but ultimately was in a very dark place and it just seemed to keep getting worse. Never ask “what else could go wrong?” because you may find out quickly. I disappeared from many aspects of life socially, including this place, and was suffering from a lot of anxiety, depression, probably some form of ptsd and overall hopelessness. All things pass though. It’s important to remember the things and people you DO have rather than dwelling on what you don’t. And that you’re alive when so many aren’t. It makes you a stronger person to survive and you end up in a better situation and a better person than you were before. Having gone through what you have, you now have the experience to be the rock someone else can lean on in their time of need, because you have the strength and experience. It’s almost a responsibility at this point. That’s been one of my big takeaways anyway.
I understand having to be the "strong" one. I have done it most of my life. Even as a teenager I was there to hold it all together even though I shouldn't of had too. That goes for work and at home. I have held businesses up on my shoulders. I have held my family on my shoulders. I had a big loss this year too. Lost my mom back in January. It's been tough. There are times when I have felt very down. It's tougher than when my dad died. Part of that I think is expectation. My mother wasn't Ill till the day before she died. She was in otherwise good health. She didn't smoke or drink. I didn't expect it. My dad, I knew was coming. He had smoked most of his life. His lungs were gone. He lived longer than the doctors even gave him. I expected his death. I wasn't as shocked by it. My mom though, sick and dead a day later. Out of nowhere. Shocking to my core. I had to be the "strong" one though. Planning both those funerals, closing accounts, setting all matters in order. Didn't have time to cry. Tough stuff. I will say these great changes in our life, these moments of strife and loss can be profound points of change for us. Doors can shut and new ones can open. It sounds maybe this change in work can be good for you. A chance for you to be happier and better off. I send good vibes your way and hope you are able to heal from your loss. I keep looking for better days myself knowing that's what my mom would have wanted.
I can't imagine what PTSD from fighting in a war must be like. I can't even truly know such horrors as I have never been. I only know what I have seen in movies and read about...what I have seen in pictures. What an unfathomably terrible place to have to be and what unimaginable choices one has to make. Thank you for your service. I know your PTSD will never be gone, but I hope healing finds you. I do know that in dealing with dark shit, humor can go a long way. I'm more of a disciplinarian too as a father as that's what I learned from my father. But, my son is teaching every day in parenting how to balance that firmness with the sensitivity of nurturing.
Sorry to hear about your panic attacks. They can be really tough to handle; I've been there, and you're not alone in this. Have you ever heard of empty nest syndrome? It's like this unexpected wave of emotions when kids leave home, and it can trigger all sorts of feelings. Take it easy and reach out if you need someone to talk to.
