My mom fell and broke her hip today. She was already starting to show signs of dementia so everything thing I'm reading about this is saying this is not going to end well. It's weird but I'm kind of at peace with that. It's my dad that I'm worried about. He has been so devoted to her. I'm just a mix of emotions right now. Not sure why I'm even posting about this. Heading back to the hospital.
Went through that the last few years (at the same time dealing with the eventual death of the other parent). Wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially considering I had to be the one giving my parent morphine to ease their suffering. Still have moments, months later, where I'm like "oh, I should text....ooh yeah".
Sorry to hear this...my mom passed years ago after breaking her hip but she died of cancer in the end..I got 10 days with her and we watched her Cubs win the World Series before she passed. My dad died much earlier when I was overseas, and I had a 3-hour phone call with him on his deathbed that was important to both of us. We had been estranged. Now for some time now my wife and I have been the elders with our parents long gone. Now I'm watching so many people my age pass and I think that's weird to go through as well. Good luck to your mom and dad Sly! may they be at peace and free of suffering one way or another. The last funeral I went to was an old friend who was working in his garden, went inside to have some tea and reading a magazine in his rocking chair just fell asleep and never woke up. To me a perfect death.
Condolences Sly. Going through the same thing with my Grandma right now. She fell in her kitchen over a year ago, and has shown more and more signs of dementia. Eventually she started to forget who we were. It’s tough… Brace for the worst and hope for the best. Do what you can and remind yourself to be patient. We’ll be here for you my man.
Sly, if I have any advice, it's don't jump ahead of yourself. Why it's good to be prepared for what's to eventually come, I'd say just stay in the moment. Take it a step at a time. Enjoy what time you have left with them.
Spend every single moment you can with her Sly. My mother threw a blood clot and spent a week in the hospital while the doctors tried to figure the problem out. I spent 7 nights in a row at the hospital with her. On the eighth night they told me to go home and get a good night's sleep, that she was getting better and going to be fine. As soon as I rolled into work the next morning I had a call from my brother that she was gone. She had woke in the middle of the night, called him for a reasonably lucid conversation, put down the phone and passed away. As @PDXFonz said, brace for the worst and plan for the best (I think my mistake was putting those two things in the wrong order). Bottom line; twenty four years later I am still so grateful I spent those nights with her. Screw work, sports and everything else. Again, spend as much time with her as you can and be mindful of every minute you have left with her. And then be the rock your dad is going to need. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It just plain sucks. And as Chris, Fonzie and the rest have said, we're here if you need us.
My dad missed his fathers death by a matter of minutes, because he flew home instead of driving. The 90 minute flight had to be diverted and it took him 8 hours to get there (where driving would've taken 5). I was present (with my siblings) when my dad died. I said my goodbye and told him to go to his parents. I totally understood how my dad was different after his dad died. Often my mom would refer to that time as "before Franklin" and "after Franklin". Meaning, my dad was a different person. I kinda get it now. My dad was much younger than I was when he lost his dad. It was kinda unexpected (my dad had cancer, drank and smoked like a chimney, and pretty much was physically in his 90's when he was in his 70's). He wasn't ready for his dads death, and it changed who he was. I have friends who lost their one of their parents when we were in grade school, that weirdly helped me deal with it. I had the luxury of 35+ years more with my dad than they did. Not that I didn't grieve or that it didn't hurt, but I was blessed with something many people go without. It put it in perspective a little.
Thank you all for your thoughts, warm wishes and advice. Surgery at 10am. They found blood clots in her lungs which adds to the difficulty of things.
Damn that's tough. My thoughts are with you and your fam. I hope the surgery goes well. Again, you need anything, even just someone to talk to, I'm here.
What an absolute craptacular day. I'm sitting here completely stunned. Just fucking wave after wave. Mom's surgery was scheduled for 10am. Yesterday in the ER her covid test came back positive. Which was odd because she hasn't been sick. My dad hasn't been sick. She hasn't been out of the house for a couple of weeks. So last night I took a covid test, Mrs PokerDog took a covid test, and my dad took a covid test. All negative. The hospital put her in an isolation room last night because of the covid. I showed up today ready to demand they retest her for covid because either the hospital messed up or it's a false positive. This is important because she would have to go to a rehabilitation facility post-surgery but the positive covid test prevents that from happening. Starting rehabilitation and physical therapy for an elderly person is literally life or death. If they don't start moving there is a cascade of medical problems. Seriously, google it. Now as I'm talking with the doctor about retesting for covid she is getting a CT of her lungs because of the blood clots the chest x-ray showed yesterday. The blood clots are a huge concern because she could throw a clot during surgery and either have a stroke or die. So broken hip, dementia, Covid, and blood clots. These are some fucking serious variables and conditions here. ... Now the radiologist looking at the pages the surgeon. My mom has pancreatic cancer that has spread to her liver. Fucking death sentence. ... The surgeon, anesthesiologist, my dad, me, Mrs PokerDog, and this kettle of shit. What do we do? There is a very high chance she won't even survive the surgery. Do we risk it? Do we cancel the surgery? Does she spend the next 3-6 months dying in bed from cancer with the pain of a broken hip? Do we fix her hip but send her to the rehab facility after she tests negative from covid? Do we fix the hip but send her home to die? She's in the hospital room not remembering that she broke her hip. Just that she is in pain. We have to invoke the family trust and assign her power of attorney to my dad and me so we have to be the ones to legally sign off on all medical decisions. They could start the surgery and the clot thing could cause her to code. Do they resuscitate? Stop and not fix the hip? Stabilize and then continue to fix the hip? We have to take complex medical information, digest it, and then tell the doctors what she would want done for multiple scenarios. ... 4pm they took her to surgery. She did fine. The repair of the broken hip was a success. We still have so many more hard decisions to make.
Oh man, I'm sorry she's going through that. When my mom broke her hip, she didn't have surgery for a few days due to lack of availability. She was a little stubborn with her rehabbing, but she now gets around relatively fine on her own. She'll never be able to live alone though. Had to do the medical POA for my parents (sister and brother are exec of the will and something else). When my dad was at the tail end of his life, they gave him the option of having a stomach tube put in (he was having chemo AND radiation), but he waited too long to make the decision for himself (and it was too late for him to make it and realistically survive). So it was up to me (I asked my siblings and mom for a consensus), and we decided to not have the surgery, and put my dad in hospice. I know that palliative care is there to help, but imho, it didn't make things easier. Having to decide your parents fate is a horrible thing to do. But I knew my dad wanted to pass at home, and not alone in a hospital. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I imagine your mom is probably like my dad, in that he was scared and lonely. He was also still a stubborn old fart, up until the end. End of life care is about making them comfortable with what is happening. I can't imagine getting the double whammy like what you guys are getting. At least we *knew* about my dads cancer before he went in to hospice. Now if you don't mind me, Im going to quietly weep as I remember my dad.
