OT Dealing with stress and anxiety

Kind of surprised no one has mentioned a nice bowl of some sticky indica. Works for me, along with the dog petting thing.....

 

For me too but for some that will intensify a panic attack.(unless followed by masturbation!)

 

Indica is great but if I have too much I want people to pet me like a dog

 

Chicken soup

 

I’ve been trying different things lately to deal with the tight chest and racing thoughts, and one thing that surprised me was THCA distillate. Took the edge off without making me feel too out of it, which I didn’t expect. Everyone’s different, but combining that with daily walks and stepping away from screens at night made a pretty noticeable difference for me.

 

Working in my garden.
But the issue is… social reality lives on the phone.

Al I know is Alcoholism has been the bulk of my stress and nothing solves it. Babysitting adult children who are blood, is extremely stressful. Especially when they tell those around them that the ones actually trying to help, don't actually care.
The lies, the deceit. The hiding and twisting everything back on the person trying to help, making them feel serious guilt.

What do you do? Continue to fight with those you love or turn your back on them? And how do you turn your back on your own mother?

Stress comes in many forms and though some of it can be solved, some of it is much much harder to find relief from…

 

Substance abuse thank goodness not an issue iny family but has been for friends. Sometimes you do have to turn your back and realize no one can help those who don't want to change.

Going to protest this afternoon.

Agree walking resets head. Especially now when three cats come running to me.

 

When things felt overwhelming, finding little rituals like deep breathing and music helped me reset my mind, and some natural calming aids I found on gomicromagic.com gave an extra boost without feeling like a big deal. It’s all about those moments of pause that let us face challenges clearer and calmer. Thanks for sharing this—it’s a great reminder to trust ourselves more.

 

What works when your mother tries to kill herself in front of you when you are a toddler, to grow up and realize she didn't even care enough about you to put you in safe hands and just left you there to watch her die and possibly starve to death yourself? (Luckily i guess i ran next door and got help when she collapsed) in front of me)
Then grow up to realize your parents continually make poor decisions but ANY time you try to talk to them aBout it, the response is, “you think you have call the answers, you think you know everything… blah blah blah.

how do i get rid of this guilt that i feel like im abandoning my mother, even knowing how caustic she is and ends up bringing out the worst in me?

I don't really care to make personal stuff public like this but im struggling. Ive seen a counsellor and ive spoke to two pastors.
Im feeling pretty lost…

 

That’s a tough one! I think seeing a counselor is a good start

 

Sorry to hear what you're struggling with, it s a tough one. Try and stay busy and get as much exercise as you can. I went through much opf the same. Try and seperate the bad feelings from the good memories and feelings towards your mom. Feelings are not right or wrong, just feelings, however we can learn to compartmentalize them so the tough ones are not out front. I found that shorter visits and still acknowledging special days for her were helpful. I used jogging as a way dissipate any overwhelming incident, seemed to clear my head some. Counseling did help me some too.

 

So absolutely true. Dealing with something myself which I will discuss later when I have time to turn on computer rather than one finger type on phone.

Unfortunately, @SharpeScooterShooter sins of the father and mother are visited onto next generation. We can tell ourselves rationally we aren't to blame but that irrational part of our mind berates us for not being good enough.

 

Preaching to the choir man. Ive helped my mother out for two decades, I helped pay off her house and cover her house payments while she spent frivolously. Ive fixed things in her house multiple times. Ive tried to talk to her about her choices and get told I don't know anything. She told me she wishes my brother who died at 19 when I was 14 was the one still alive.

At some point, you have to focus on your own mental health. Ive cut her out mostly but love her from afar. When she does visit, she knows which buttons to press and presses them purposely then plays the victim.

You cant help someone else out if you have to focus on your own mental health. Many of us aren't trained to decompress from other peoples issues.

Just because someone is family does not mean they get a blank check to treat you however they want to.

 

Dealing with two. One of world importance and one just personal. Take the first first and you can probably guess it.

Psychology is not my field. I had to look up difference between sociopath and psychopath. Both totally lack empathy but psychopaths are cold and calculating while sociopaths are emotional, prone to outbursts of temper, and see themselves as victims. Sound familiar? Narcissist. Looked that up. They are center of the universe. Every person and event is about them. Everything they do is perfect. They don't make mistakes. They always win. If they don't win someone cheated them. Trump keeps bringing up 2020 election because he cannot believe or accept he could lose.

Boccaccio wrote Decameron in 1348 while in isolation due to outbreak of bubonic plague. The first sentence reads

. More than 600 years later, a Superman movie is about kindness and MAGA heads explode. Superman is woke! A Fox commentator said they will put MS-13 on his cape (I was not aware kindness was an attribute of MS-13 but what do I know?) Kindness is bad. Pity for those in distress woke. Trump gives his cult permission to be their worst selves. To be assholes proudly and never apologize.

None of this is new about Trump or his cult.

But something else is.

I have argued with people, mostly but not all on the left, who use the term "fascist" loosely. Fascism has a specific meaning. Nixon, Reagan, the Bushes, Clinton, I've heard all called fascists and they were not. All were career politicians operating (mostly) within the institutions of what Marxists call bourgeois democracy, or what is commonly called "Western democracies" even when it includes Japan and Australia. Basic laws and institutions of the Republic. Nixon, to be sure, crossed a lot of lines but the institutions held, which was his eventual undoing. Reagan began the practice of naming people to jobs who explicitly opposed the function of that job; a union busting lawyer headed National Labor Relations Board, a woman opposed to sex education and birth control headed Office on Teen Pregnancy, etc. Bush II fired experienced civil servants and replaced with unqualified "loyal Bushies". But bad people can be replaced. As long as the institutions exist.

What is happening now is the wholesale destruction of the institutions of bourgeois democracy and replacement with one man rule. Loyalty isn't enough; you can be totally loyal to a person and disagree with them. Absolute obedience is the standard. Like in Arabian Nights, when the Caliph gives an order and the reply is always "I hear and obey".

When we think of nazism we think of world war and extermination camps but they came later. What happened earlier was the destruction of the normal institutions and crushing of all opposition. Many just surrendered out of fear of what might happen.

Congress and Supreme Court are rubber stamps for Trump. Worse, independent organizations, media, business, universities are lining up to bend the knee. Others are just silent. The unions are not what they once were but still have power. They could shut the country down if they wished. A few are defending immigrant members, which is good, but on the whole, nothing. Some faith leaders have taken opposition stands but many consider opposition to gays and abortion more important. Most distressing to me personally, in 2024 84% of Jewish Americans voted for Harris, 88% of Jewish women. Yet establishment Jewish organization are silent as Trump sends people to concentration camps based on ethnicity. I mean, they should be first to scream! Can they be so naive as to believe a lifetime anti-Semite with a cabinet of Christian nationalists and Hitler admirers is really fighting antisemitism, or even really cares about security of Israel or bringing back hostages?

Sometimes it's too much. I am stressed.

But one thing. Opposition is not crushed. We are still fighting. Mostly we don't win but sometimes do. They have to try Kilmar Abrego Garcia in a court with all due process. They do sometimes back down. So I handle stress by protesting. And protesting again. And tell myself no one ever died of sore feet even when I sometimes wonder if I'll be the first.

That's my first stresser.

 

My second.

I decided to get solar panels. I talked with financial adviser. It's a big investment but would lower bills and I could perhaps start withdrawing less from my 401(k) if I did not have big utility bills. Tried three companies before I got one that looked like it would work out. They had great reviews on Yelp.

We signed a contract. It called for a $1000 deposit. After approval from state to proceed, $5000 for materials. When work completed I would pay the bulk of the balance, with final payment due after successful PG&E inspection.

The work went very smoothly. I made the sequential payments. Each time got an invoice showing amount paid, amount of total contract, and amount still due. Until very last one. The balance was just under $2000 but lo and behold an additional $606 charge. This was not in contract. I carefully reread contract, which I had already gone over with fine tooth comb. Clearly covered all expenses unless more work needed and that would require a signed work order. This is standard in construction because sometimes shit happens, as I learned when getting my house fixed, but in fact installation was fine and no additional work needed. When I asked they said it was standard PG&E fee and they needed it before turning on system.

I was pretty sure this wasn't kosher but paid it because I was afraid they wouldn't turn on. They sent local manager to pick up check. I told him I was really upset about additional charge and he said he knew nothing about this and would look into it. I called him back a couple of weeks later. He said he would get right back to me. He did not. Ignored subsequent emails, voice mails, texts.

I emailed them making it clear I would pursue the matter if not repaid. They ignored me.

California has consumer protections laws and I filed complaint with state. It got referred to Contractors State Licensing Bureau and was assigned to investigator. They first told her it was standard PG&E charge but could not explain why their manager claimed to know nothing about it or why charge wasn't in contract. Then they tried to claim there was a work order but couldn't produce it. They finally admitted there was no work order which made it invalid. They got official reprimand for charges without work order. Told her they would pay me back. I agreed that would settle matters for me.

Long story short, they didn't. They repeatedly said they would pay "this week" "next Friday" etc.

The woman from state couldn't understand their behavior and neither could I. It's only $606. They would not be likely to prevail in court after acknowledging it was invalid charge and agreeing to repay.

I filed in Small Claims. Got a process server. He told me no one was at address and building looked empty. I looked them up to see if they had moved. Permanently closed. Now I understand their behavior. They knew they were about to close and just needed to delay a few weeks since I can't sue a business that doesn't exist. I paid filing fee and process server so I am out over $700. If I were working I could make it back up but I'm retired. It's gone. I'm fucked.

Worse than financial loss is feeling of violation. And like people who are violated I self blame. The logical part of my brain says they probably did this to others who just accepted it was a PG&E fee and paid up. The more primitive part asks if I had moved more quickly maybe I could have caught them before they closed. The darker part of my brain, and anyone who has been systematically abused will recognize it, tells me if I wasn't stupid I could have prevented this. If I wasn't worthless they wouldn't have treated me like this. Repeat endlessly.

Yeah, I'm stressed.

Physical activity helps. So my damn stupid back decides this is the time to remind me I am old and went out on me. Couldn't lift weights for 3 days, now doing abbreviated workouts.

Spending extra time petting Lashanna. Because she is beautiful & loving & sweet & happy. Because the most soothing sound in the world is a cat's purr. (But lord is she shedding! Brushed about half a pound of hair off her. Sheet has an inch of cat hair.) And because cats don't know evil. Their hunting behavior might cause us to feel queasy but there is no malice and it makes perfect evolutionary sense. And because cats love us. And I need some love.

Sorry for the length. Need to vent. I am stressed.