OT Dealing with stress and anxiety

e_blazer · Jul 18, 2025 at 8:17 PM

crandc said: ↑

My second.

I decided to get solar panels. I talked with financial adviser. It's a big investment but would lower bills and I could perhaps start withdrawing less from my 401(k) if I did not have big utility bills. Tried three companies before I got one that looked like it would work out. They had great reviews on Yelp.

We signed a contract. It called for a $1000 deposit. After approval from state to proceed, $5000 for materials. When work completed I would pay the bulk of the balance, with final payment due after successful PG&E inspection.

The work went very smoothly. I made the sequential payments. Each time got an invoice showing amount paid, amount of total contract, and amount still due. Until very last one. The balance was just under $2000 but lo and behold an additional $606 charge. This was not in contract. I carefully reread contract, which I had already gone over with fine tooth comb. Clearly covered all expenses unless more work needed and that would require a signed work order. This is standard in construction because sometimes shit happens, as I learned when getting my house fixed, but in fact installation was fine and no additional work needed. When I asked they said it was standard PG&E fee and they needed it before turning on system.

I was pretty sure this wasn't kosher but paid it because I was afraid they wouldn't turn on. They sent local manager to pick up check. I told him I was really upset about additional charge and he said he knew nothing about this and would look into it. I called him back a couple of weeks later. He said he would get right back to me. He did not. Ignored subsequent emails, voice mails, texts.

I emailed them making it clear I would pursue the matter if not repaid. They ignored me.

California has consumer protections laws and I filed complaint with state. It got referred to Contractors State Licensing Bureau and was assigned to investigator. They first told her it was standard PG&E charge but could not explain why their manager claimed to know nothing about it or why charge wasn't in contract. Then they tried to claim there was a work order but couldn't produce it. They finally admitted there was no work order which made it invalid. They got official reprimand for charges without work order. Told her they would pay me back. I agreed that would settle matters for me.

Long story short, they didn't. They repeatedly said they would pay "this week" "next Friday" etc.

The woman from state couldn't understand their behavior and neither could I. It's only $606. They would not be likely to prevail in court after acknowledging it was invalid charge and agreeing to repay.

I filed in Small Claims. Got a process server. He told me no one was at address and building looked empty. I looked them up to see if they had moved. Permanently closed. Now I understand their behavior. They knew they were about to close and just needed to delay a few weeks since I can't sue a business that doesn't exist. I paid filing fee and process server so I am out over $700. If I were working I could make it back up but I'm retired. It's gone. I'm fucked.

Worse than financial loss is feeling of violation. And like people who are violated I self blame. The logical part of my brain says they probably did this to others who just accepted it was a PG&E fee and paid up. The more primitive part asks if I had moved more quickly maybe I could have caught them before they closed. The darker part of my brain, and anyone who has been systematically abused will recognize it, tells me if I wasn't stupid I could have prevented this. If I wasn't worthless they wouldn't have treated me like this. Repeat endlessly.

Yeah, I'm stressed.

Physical activity helps. So my damn stupid back decides this is the time to remind me I am old and went out on me. Couldn't lift weights for 3 days, now doing abbreviated workouts.

Spending extra time petting Lashanna. Because she is beautiful & loving & sweet & happy. Because the most soothing sound in the world is a cat's purr. (But lord is she shedding! Brushed about half a pound of hair off her. Sheet has an inch of cat hair.) And because cats don't know evil. Their hunting behavior might cause us to feel queasy but there is no malice and it makes perfect evolutionary sense. And because cats love us. And I need some love.

Sorry for the length. Need to vent. I am stressed.
Click to expand...

Man, so sorry for your troubles. Every day we get reminders that there’s no shortage of scumbags in the world. Fortunately, there are many more good hearted people out there. Let me know if a batch of cookies would help.

crandc · Jul 18, 2025 at 8:28 PM

e_blazer said: ↑

Man, so sorry for your troubles. Every day we get reminders that there’s no shortage of scumbags in the world. Fortunately, there are many more good hearted people out there. Let me know if a batch of cookies would help.
Click to expand...

You are going to make me cookies? You know the expression carrying coals to Newcastle?

e_blazer · Jul 18, 2025 at 10:42 PM

crandc said: ↑

You are going to make me cookies? You know the expression carrying coals to Newcastle?
Click to expand...

Sometimes Newcastle needs a day off.

SharpeScooterShooter · Jul 19, 2025 at 5:48 AM

riverman said: ↑

That’s a tough one! I think seeing a counselor is a good start
Click to expand...

Thanks River. Has been a good start. Already realizing many things I should have long long ago.

SharpeScooterShooter · Jul 19, 2025 at 5:49 AM

Hoopguru said: ↑

Sorry to hear what you're struggling with, it s a tough one. Try and stay busy and get as much exercise as you can. I went through much opf the same. Try and seperate the bad feelings from the good memories and feelings towards your mom. Feelings are not right or wrong, just feelings, however we can learn to compartmentalize them so the tough ones are not out front. I found that shorter visits and still acknowledging special days for her were helpful. I used jogging as a way dissipate any overwhelming incident, seemed to clear my head some. Counseling did help me some too.
Click to expand...

Thanks Guru. Trying to put many of these into regular practice.

SharpeScooterShooter · Jul 19, 2025 at 5:51 AM

JFizzleRaider said: ↑

Preaching to the choir man. Ive helped my mother out for two decades, I helped pay off her house and cover her house payments while she spent frivolously. Ive fixed things in her house multiple times. Ive tried to talk to her about her choices and get told I don't know anything. She told me she wishes my brother who died at 19 when I was 14 was the one still alive.

At some point, you have to focus on your own mental health. Ive cut her out mostly but love her from afar. When she does visit, she knows which buttons to press and presses them purposely then plays the victim.

You cant help someone else out if you have to focus on your own mental health. Many of us aren't trained to decompress from other peoples issues.

Just because someone is family does not mean they get a blank check to treat you however they want to.
Click to expand...

Thanks Jfizz. You are right and I agree. Im just struggling with the guilt. Even when i know what is best, it can be overwhelming.

Phatguysrule · Jul 19, 2025 at 6:37 AM

crandc said: ↑

My second.

I decided to get solar panels. I talked with financial adviser. It's a big investment but would lower bills and I could perhaps start withdrawing less from my 401(k) if I did not have big utility bills. Tried three companies before I got one that looked like it would work out. They had great reviews on Yelp.

We signed a contract. It called for a $1000 deposit. After approval from state to proceed, $5000 for materials. When work completed I would pay the bulk of the balance, with final payment due after successful PG&E inspection.

The work went very smoothly. I made the sequential payments. Each time got an invoice showing amount paid, amount of total contract, and amount still due. Until very last one. The balance was just under $2000 but lo and behold an additional $606 charge. This was not in contract. I carefully reread contract, which I had already gone over with fine tooth comb. Clearly covered all expenses unless more work needed and that would require a signed work order. This is standard in construction because sometimes shit happens, as I learned when getting my house fixed, but in fact installation was fine and no additional work needed. When I asked they said it was standard PG&E fee and they needed it before turning on system.

I was pretty sure this wasn't kosher but paid it because I was afraid they wouldn't turn on. They sent local manager to pick up check. I told him I was really upset about additional charge and he said he knew nothing about this and would look into it. I called him back a couple of weeks later. He said he would get right back to me. He did not. Ignored subsequent emails, voice mails, texts.

I emailed them making it clear I would pursue the matter if not repaid. They ignored me.

California has consumer protections laws and I filed complaint with state. It got referred to Contractors State Licensing Bureau and was assigned to investigator. They first told her it was standard PG&E charge but could not explain why their manager claimed to know nothing about it or why charge wasn't in contract. Then they tried to claim there was a work order but couldn't produce it. They finally admitted there was no work order which made it invalid. They got official reprimand for charges without work order. Told her they would pay me back. I agreed that would settle matters for me.

Long story short, they didn't. They repeatedly said they would pay "this week" "next Friday" etc.

The woman from state couldn't understand their behavior and neither could I. It's only $606. They would not be likely to prevail in court after acknowledging it was invalid charge and agreeing to repay.

I filed in Small Claims. Got a process server. He told me no one was at address and building looked empty. I looked them up to see if they had moved. Permanently closed. Now I understand their behavior. They knew they were about to close and just needed to delay a few weeks since I can't sue a business that doesn't exist. I paid filing fee and process server so I am out over $700. If I were working I could make it back up but I'm retired. It's gone. I'm fucked.

Worse than financial loss is feeling of violation. And like people who are violated I self blame. The logical part of my brain says they probably did this to others who just accepted it was a PG&E fee and paid up. The more primitive part asks if I had moved more quickly maybe I could have caught them before they closed. The darker part of my brain, and anyone who has been systematically abused will recognize it, tells me if I wasn't stupid I could have prevented this. If I wasn't worthless they wouldn't have treated me like this. Repeat endlessly.

Yeah, I'm stressed.

Physical activity helps. So my damn stupid back decides this is the time to remind me I am old and went out on me. Couldn't lift weights for 3 days, now doing abbreviated workouts.

Spending extra time petting Lashanna. Because she is beautiful & loving & sweet & happy. Because the most soothing sound in the world is a cat's purr. (But lord is she shedding! Brushed about half a pound of hair off her. Sheet has an inch of cat hair.) And because cats don't know evil. Their hunting behavior might cause us to feel queasy but there is no malice and it makes perfect evolutionary sense. And because cats love us. And I need some love.

Sorry for the length. Need to vent. I am stressed.
Click to expand...

Dang. I'm sorry to hear that. What a POS.

Hoopguru · Jul 19, 2025 at 8:09 AM

crandc said: ↑

My second.

I decided to get solar panels. I talked with financial adviser. It's a big investment but would lower bills and I could perhaps start withdrawing less from my 401(k) if I did not have big utility bills. Tried three companies before I got one that looked like it would work out. They had great reviews on Yelp.

We signed a contract. It called for a $1000 deposit. After approval from state to proceed, $5000 for materials. When work completed I would pay the bulk of the balance, with final payment due after successful PG&E inspection.

The work went very smoothly. I made the sequential payments. Each time got an invoice showing amount paid, amount of total contract, and amount still due. Until very last one. The balance was just under $2000 but lo and behold an additional $606 charge. This was not in contract. I carefully reread contract, which I had already gone over with fine tooth comb. Clearly covered all expenses unless more work needed and that would require a signed work order. This is standard in construction because sometimes shit happens, as I learned when getting my house fixed, but in fact installation was fine and no additional work needed. When I asked they said it was standard PG&E fee and they needed it before turning on system.

I was pretty sure this wasn't kosher but paid it because I was afraid they wouldn't turn on. They sent local manager to pick up check. I told him I was really upset about additional charge and he said he knew nothing about this and would look into it. I called him back a couple of weeks later. He said he would get right back to me. He did not. Ignored subsequent emails, voice mails, texts.

I emailed them making it clear I would pursue the matter if not repaid. They ignored me.

California has consumer protections laws and I filed complaint with state. It got referred to Contractors State Licensing Bureau and was assigned to investigator. They first told her it was standard PG&E charge but could not explain why their manager claimed to know nothing about it or why charge wasn't in contract. Then they tried to claim there was a work order but couldn't produce it. They finally admitted there was no work order which made it invalid. They got official reprimand for charges without work order. Told her they would pay me back. I agreed that would settle matters for me.

Long story short, they didn't. They repeatedly said they would pay "this week" "next Friday" etc.

The woman from state couldn't understand their behavior and neither could I. It's only $606. They would not be likely to prevail in court after acknowledging it was invalid charge and agreeing to repay.

I filed in Small Claims. Got a process server. He told me no one was at address and building looked empty. I looked them up to see if they had moved. Permanently closed. Now I understand their behavior. They knew they were about to close and just needed to delay a few weeks since I can't sue a business that doesn't exist. I paid filing fee and process server so I am out over $700. If I were working I could make it back up but I'm retired. It's gone. I'm fucked.

Worse than financial loss is feeling of violation. And like people who are violated I self blame. The logical part of my brain says they probably did this to others who just accepted it was a PG&E fee and paid up. The more primitive part asks if I had moved more quickly maybe I could have caught them before they closed. The darker part of my brain, and anyone who has been systematically abused will recognize it, tells me if I wasn't stupid I could have prevented this. If I wasn't worthless they wouldn't have treated me like this. Repeat endlessly.

Yeah, I'm stressed.

Physical activity helps. So my damn stupid back decides this is the time to remind me I am old and went out on me. Couldn't lift weights for 3 days, now doing abbreviated workouts.

Spending extra time petting Lashanna. Because she is beautiful & loving & sweet & happy. Because the most soothing sound in the world is a cat's purr. (But lord is she shedding! Brushed about half a pound of hair off her. Sheet has an inch of cat hair.) And because cats don't know evil. Their hunting behavior might cause us to feel queasy but there is no malice and it makes perfect evolutionary sense. And because cats love us. And I need some love.

Sorry for the length. Need to vent. I am stressed.
Click to expand...

Sorry that has happened to you. And, sorry about your back. I hope you heal fast, and that something great will come your way. Very glad you have Lashanna to help you heal from the hurt.

Chris Craig · Jul 19, 2025 at 2:58 PM

crandc said: ↑

My second.

I decided to get solar panels. I talked with financial adviser. It's a big investment but would lower bills and I could perhaps start withdrawing less from my 401(k) if I did not have big utility bills. Tried three companies before I got one that looked like it would work out. They had great reviews on Yelp.

We signed a contract. It called for a $1000 deposit. After approval from state to proceed, $5000 for materials. When work completed I would pay the bulk of the balance, with final payment due after successful PG&E inspection.

The work went very smoothly. I made the sequential payments. Each time got an invoice showing amount paid, amount of total contract, and amount still due. Until very last one. The balance was just under $2000 but lo and behold an additional $606 charge. This was not in contract. I carefully reread contract, which I had already gone over with fine tooth comb. Clearly covered all expenses unless more work needed and that would require a signed work order. This is standard in construction because sometimes shit happens, as I learned when getting my house fixed, but in fact installation was fine and no additional work needed. When I asked they said it was standard PG&E fee and they needed it before turning on system.

I was pretty sure this wasn't kosher but paid it because I was afraid they wouldn't turn on. They sent local manager to pick up check. I told him I was really upset about additional charge and he said he knew nothing about this and would look into it. I called him back a couple of weeks later. He said he would get right back to me. He did not. Ignored subsequent emails, voice mails, texts.

I emailed them making it clear I would pursue the matter if not repaid. They ignored me.

California has consumer protections laws and I filed complaint with state. It got referred to Contractors State Licensing Bureau and was assigned to investigator. They first told her it was standard PG&E charge but could not explain why their manager claimed to know nothing about it or why charge wasn't in contract. Then they tried to claim there was a work order but couldn't produce it. They finally admitted there was no work order which made it invalid. They got official reprimand for charges without work order. Told her they would pay me back. I agreed that would settle matters for me.

Long story short, they didn't. They repeatedly said they would pay "this week" "next Friday" etc.

The woman from state couldn't understand their behavior and neither could I. It's only $606. They would not be likely to prevail in court after acknowledging it was invalid charge and agreeing to repay.

I filed in Small Claims. Got a process server. He told me no one was at address and building looked empty. I looked them up to see if they had moved. Permanently closed. Now I understand their behavior. They knew they were about to close and just needed to delay a few weeks since I can't sue a business that doesn't exist. I paid filing fee and process server so I am out over $700. If I were working I could make it back up but I'm retired. It's gone. I'm fucked.

Worse than financial loss is feeling of violation. And like people who are violated I self blame. The logical part of my brain says they probably did this to others who just accepted it was a PG&E fee and paid up. The more primitive part asks if I had moved more quickly maybe I could have caught them before they closed. The darker part of my brain, and anyone who has been systematically abused will recognize it, tells me if I wasn't stupid I could have prevented this. If I wasn't worthless they wouldn't have treated me like this. Repeat endlessly.

Yeah, I'm stressed.

Physical activity helps. So my damn stupid back decides this is the time to remind me I am old and went out on me. Couldn't lift weights for 3 days, now doing abbreviated workouts.

Spending extra time petting Lashanna. Because she is beautiful & loving & sweet & happy. Because the most soothing sound in the world is a cat's purr. (But lord is she shedding! Brushed about half a pound of hair off her. Sheet has an inch of cat hair.) And because cats don't know evil. Their hunting behavior might cause us to feel queasy but there is no malice and it makes perfect evolutionary sense. And because cats love us. And I need some love.

Sorry for the length. Need to vent. I am stressed.
Click to expand...

Yo Crandc, you did nothing wrong gal. You aren't to blame for that. You did everything you could and more. You basically memorized the fine print, dealt with the company, filed a complaint, went to court. There was nothing else you could do. It's on those assholes.

Sorry you had to go through that. I know what it's like to feel violated by some dickhole company that illegally takes money from you. You lost out on the money and that sucks, especially being retired and not able to make that money back up, but they did not get the best of you. Fuck them.

crandc · Jul 19, 2025 at 3:18 PM

I don't need anyone to make me cookies but I would accept a Fire T shirt on Hanukah.

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OT Dealing with stress and anxiety

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