The other day i farted in the staff locker room on the way out. It was rancid. I think i had tostadas with refried beans and spicy red salsa. A co worker walked in through the door as i left. I just heard "GOOD LORD" as he ran out. I played it off like it had been there when i entered. Pro shit.
To honestly tell you the truth, I am more offended from the stuff I see on the average person's social media account. "Hi, I'm Joe Generic and here is my wife Dorthy and and our four fat dipshit kids. Here's the time we fed sushi with mustard to some Harbor Seals!" I could take the average SPD fart over having to watch that shit.
This needs a poll. How many of you have tried to squeeze one off, and ended up shitting your pants, and are man enough to admit it. Once here, but I expect it to happen more as I get older. I should have known better too- it was right after getting back from a camping trip.... (it doesn't count if you are an old fart, and have to wear Depends every day....)
Guilty. Thankfully, I was at home when it happened. But it was no less humiliating. It was the day I learned I needed to cut back on the fiber I was taking.
My best poo incident in gchat story form (I am Tom, I lived in China at the time): Tom: dude Hee: sup sup Tom: i have the worst or greatest or strangest story ever about myself Hee: haha let's hear it Tom: so about 1.5 hours ago i was in my bathroom taking a leak and farting at the same time....something i do on a daily basis and i pushed a little on one of the farts.......... and low and behold!!!! something extra in my pants Hee: hahaha yes!!! Tom: so i stand frozen for about 5 seconds turn and sit on the toilet and take my shorts and boxers off, but the little guy managed to get to the inside of my shorts not just boxers and i seemed to have just a heck of a time whipping myself after i went i felt like i had poop all over anyways, i wash my clothes and everything is fine but for some reason i still smelt poo so i smelt my fingers and washed my hands again didn't seem to make it go away then i look at my shoes....yeah, some poo managed to fall on my shoe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hee: HAHAHAHAHA Tom: this was like an hour later ridiculous Hee: that is awesome Tom: dude i can't believe it really happened Hee: where they solid nuggets? or like, drips of soft-serve? Tom: well i have been pretty loose lately it wasn't much that got out but it was like a nugget with some melted chocolate on the outside. so everything it touched it turned to poo Hee: oh man Tom: so i thought i would share that with you since i was home alone and could only enjoy it myself Hee: thanks for sharing, haha you should write a story and send it to the TIP list Tom: maybe
