Yep. God fuck us, everyone! So let's hear it. What about Christmas pisses you off? Is it the holiday shopping? Your in-laws? The dog that slobbers on your leather jacket when you go to visit friends or family? Is it the same ol' Christmas songs that you've heard a million times before? Got any bad Christmas stories to tell? I do. Kind of. When my father was a young man, long before he met my mother, he had a friend who's grandfather was.....er.....well, he was batshit crazy. There's no other words for it. "Grandpa Hieymen" was his name. He was one of those "crazy bad-asses" who people all over town knew about. I'm not sure if he served in the Military, but it sounds to me like he would have been quite at home with the Marines. He was once summoned to the local police office (I don't know the full details behind it) over a complaint of some sort, and they wanted to meet with him as a sort of welfare check. They knew he kept guns in the house, and they wanted to confiscate them. He looked the investigator strait in the eye and said, "yeah, I got guns. You can have them. And I'll give them to you....one bullet at a time." Needless to say, that didn't go over well. They cut him loose, but showed up at his home the next day while he was at work and confiscated all of his guns. But they couldn't find his .44 Magnum. Hmm.... Well, later on that year, around Christmas time, they were expecting family and company. Him and his wife had the house all set up and decorated, and all was well. Grandpa was sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper, when his wife snuck up behind him and shot him point-blank in the back of the head with a full-power .44 Magnum round. She then went into the bathroom, stuck the barrel in her mouth, and blew her head off. Family and friends show up. They open the door, walk in, and...........yeah. Brain matter and blood everywhere, with the living room all lit up and merry. I can only imagine what it must have looked like. Apparently, when the police opened up his basement, they found some sort of amatuer knife operation going on down there. They found stacks and stacks of steel files that had been ground down and made into knives. Along with hand-loads for his guns and loading equipment. Yeah. The guy was batshit crazy. That evening, when the scene had been cleaned up, my father and his friends, including his buddy Hieymen, all threw a party and got absolutely wasted in the same house. They came up with a song to the tune of "Deck The Halls" to commemorate the occasion: Deck the halls with Grandpa Heiymen, falalalalaaaa lalalalaaaa Brain tissue is a-flyin' falalalalaaaa lalalalaaaa Bits of tissue, lots of blood, falalalala lalalalaaaa Grandma shot him with a .44 Stud, falalalalaaaa lalaaa laaa laaaaaaa! Boy, I wish I could have been alive when my father was a young man. Must have been quite an experience. So what are yours? Or what do you hate about Christmas? Discuss.
You know, you're supposed to save stories like those until others have shared their much lamer and tamer ones. Now, nobody's going to follow that, because none of us can.
LOL, good point....I didn't think about that. But it doesn't have to be a story. It can be anything bad, or something that you don't like, about Christmas.
My birthday is december 5th. For my 20th birthday i got a phone call from some old dudes wife and she told me she caught her husband and my 19 year old fiancé fucking and that she had always suspected he was a pedo. I made the mistake of being a beta and forgave her and wanted to work things out as i believed she was pregnant with my child. For chritmas my fiancé decide to take her pastors advice and break it off with me cause i wasnt as far along as she was spiritually obviously. So she made sure to abort and have no ties with me in the future. Needless to say ive been single for 10 years now and doubt ill ever reproduce. To try and make my story as cool as yours i rewrote the night before christmas once to the tune of the psycho bitch that killed my kid but i dont remember the lyrics and my harddrive with the file crashed last year. Last year was the first christmas i tried to enjoy since. I had met a girl that had actually expressed interest in me. She had a son and i wanted to do something nice for him. I spent about $1000 making my house christmassy and filling it with gifts. Not to buy affection, but in hopes to make memories. By new years she had a new boy friend. Merry Christmas. Fuck women.
meh i think @Jade Falcon still wins. took me a few years to get over it but just have to remember i have running water and internet so im more blessed than like 90% of the world. i mean a harddrive crashing isnt the end of the world anyway since my music is backed up on amazon cloud
The worst holiday is ahead of me....it'll be the Ted Nugent inauguration ball with guest tap dancer, Sarah Palin and followed by a party without alcohol which will be illegal again soon.
Yeah, what PtldPlatypus said. That's rough dude, I'm really sorry. Dammit Sly, who said you could spam my thread with creepy photos?! That second picture down; replace that dog with my cat, and that could totally be me. Christ, it even looks like me.
That all the same family. Their yearly family Christmas photo. You're just jealous that they took your Fuck You Christmas to a higher level.
When I was 5 years old I asked Santa for a Candyland game. Just to cover all the bases I also asked my parents, my 9 year old sister, my grandmother, and my 1 year old brother. I was aware enough to know all the present wrapping was done in my grandmother's room so one day when she was out I snuck in and peeked through the packages until I found a Candyland game! I was so f'ing excited that I was getting it that somehow I gave myself away that night at dinner and my parents busted me big time. I was grounded INDOORS until Christmas (about 10 days) but I was okay with that knowing that someone was giving me a Candyland game. Christmas morning came and I did not get a Candyland game, nor did anyone else in our family. My father was a fireman so I'm pretty sure some less fortunate but perhaps less sneaky kid had a marvelous Christmas, but all I remember getting that year was an embarrassing lesson that never needed to be repeated. I was born with the best parents in the world.
This Christmas is an odd one. Came to PDX yesterday, stopped on the way to put a sign on my new land listing and the neighbor walked over and told me he will buy it. When I got here, the Xterra broke down on 205 at rush hour and I had to have it towed. Distributor needed replacing. Close to $500 but they got it done quick. Got a bidding war going on one of my home listings this morning and nailed down a sale tonight. Never a dull moment. Merry Christmas to all.
