For almost any team, even one that hasn't sniffed the playoffs in twelve years, things could be worse. Sure, we all know the bad... the underachievers, the aloof superstars, the abandonment complex, the sight of David Stern saying the name Todd Fuller... but imagine how bad it could be! Instead of drafting Chris Webber, the Warriors select Shawn Bradley, who while longer and whiter than most strands of hair, yields in just as soft and forgiving a manner. Seeing the potential for Bradley to become dominant in the mold of Bill Walton or Moses Malone, the Warriors sign him to a 20 year contract, ensuring that he will retire a Warrior. They specify in the contract the day on which he will retire, so that they can schedule the jersey retiring ceremony ahead of time. The next year, after their fifteen win season with Bradley stalking the paint, the Warriors trade the 1st pick in the draft immediate after winning it, deciding instead that they would accquire the expiring contract of the retiring Celtic legend Robert Parish. GM St. Jean defended the decision, stating that the odds of drafting a hall of famer are so slim that he'd rather take the sure bet. Parish's jersey is retired in a ceremony filled with intense reverence, appreciation, and on Parish's end, bewilderment. At the end of the ceremony, a gesture is planned to illustrate the metaphorical and literal "passing of the torch," in which Parrish was to hand a makeshift torch (constructed from a McDonalds french fry box and yellow construction paper) to Shawn Bradley. On his way to the podium, disaster strikes Bradley, as he slips on a quarter that was flipped onto the stage by an eight year old boy in the front row. Bradley's ankle snaps practically in two, in one of the most gruesome displays of sports injury in the public consciousness. GM St. Jean, flying into a rage at the apparent loss of his franchise savior, dives off the stage into the front row, aggresively biting the child about the face and neck, causing his significant blood loss and scarring. As punishment for the horrible and decidedly unprofessional action, NBA commisioner David Stern suspends the team for the duration of ten years, for the reason or "organization immorality and evil." Years pass. Superstars are drafted who, at any given time, the Warriors almost assuredly could've picked, since Bradley was still under contract till 2013, and thus the team likely would likely be in the lottery regularly. On the eve of the start of the basketball season in 2004, Stern reinstates the team into the league. With a reimagined front office, but no players (save Shawn Bradley) signed for the year, the former running mates Chris Mullin and Rod Higgins suited up for the first game, along with Bradley and the hastily signed duo of Bimbo Coles and Grant Schill, a 5'10 white man who had made his living portraying a satirical former duke basketballer on second-tier comedy show MAD-tv. The team scored 42 points in the game, led by Mullin's 39, followed up by a Grant Schill free-throw and a Bimbo Coles shot that was goaltended. Intent to wait and net a top draft pick, the Warriors play out the season with this lineup, forfeiting a number of games due to one of their only five players fouling out. They finished the season 0-78, four of the games cancelled due to circus events in the arena, the game results being mathematically irrelevant to the league's playoff picture. The were awarded the first pick in the 2005 draft class, which they used to select high school phenom Monta Ellis. Mullin, though, sensing that Bradley's body was wearing down in the 12th year of his deal, decided to trade the young scoring star for Mavericks center Pavel Podkolzine, a move that media analysts would later call "the best move made by this organization in over a decade." Trading away their future picks for 06 in order to acquire Vin Baker and Shandon Anderson, they entered the 06-07 campaign with the following roster: PG Coles SG Anderson SF Mullin PF Podkolzine C Bradley bench G Schill F Higgins F Baker Looking to fill out the rest of their roster, the team has been rumored to be pursuing free agent leftfielder Barry Bonds, in the hopes of taking over the starting point guard spot from the aging Bimbo Coles.
<div class="quote_poster">Montaman Wrote</div><div class="quote_post">For almost any team, even one that hasn't sniffed the playoffs in twelve years, things could be worse. Sure, we all know the bad... the underachievers, the aloof superstars, the abandonment ceremony ahead of time. The next year, after their fifteen win season with Bradley stalking the paint, the Warriors trade the 1st pick in the draft immediate after winning it, deciding instead that they would accquire the expiring contract of the retiring Celtic legend Robert Parish. GM St. Jean defended the decision, stating that the odds of drafting a hall of famer are so slim that he'd rather take the sure bet. Parish's jersey is retired in a ceremony filled with intense reverence, appreciation, and on Parish's end, bewilderment. At the end of the ceremony, a gesture is planned to illustrate the metaphorical and literal "passing of the torch," in which Parrish was to hand a makeshift torch (constructed from a McDonalds french fry box and yellow construction paper) to Shawn Bradley. On his way to the podium, disaster strikes Bradley, as he slips on a quarter that was flipped onto the stage by an eight year old boy in the front row. Bradley's ankle snaps practically in two, in one of the most gruesome displays of sports injury in the public consciousness. GM St. Jean, flying into a rage at the apparent loss of his franchise savior, dives off the stage into the front row, aggresively biting the child about the face and neck, causing his significant blood loss and scarring. As punishment for the horrible and decidedly unprofessional action, NBA commisioner David Stern suspends the team for the duration of ten years, for the reason or "organization immorality and evil." Years pass. Superstars are drafted who, at any given time, the Warriors almost assuredly could've picked, since Bradley was still under contract till 2013, and thus the team likely would likely be in the lottery regularly. On the eve of the start of the basketball season in 2004, Stern reinstates the team into the league. With a reimagined front office, but no players (save Shawn Bradley) signed for the year, the former running mates Chris Mullin and Rod Higgins suited up for the first game, along with Bradley and the hastily signed duo of Bimbo Coles and Grant Schill, a 5'10 white man who had made his living portraying a satirical former duke basketballer on second-tier comedy show MAD-tv. The team scored 42 points in the game, led by Mullin's 39, followed up by a Grant Schill free-throw and a Bimbo Coles shot that was goaltended. Intent to wait and net a top draft pick, the Warriors play out the season with this lineup, forfeiting a number of games due to one of their only five players fouling out. They finished the season 0-78, four of the games cancelled due to circus events in the arena, the game results being mathematically irrelevant to the league's playoff picture. The were awarded the first pick in the 2005 draft class, which they used to select high school phenom Monta Ellis. Mullin, though, sensing that Bradley's body was wearing down in the 12th year of his deal, decided to trade the young scoring star for Mavericks center Pavel Podkolzine, a move that media analysts would later call "the best move made by this organization in over a decade." Trading away their future picks for 06 in order to acquire Vin Baker and Shandon Anderson, they entered the 06-07 campaign with the following roster: PG Coles SG Anderson SF Mullin PF Podkolzine C Bradley bench G Schill F Higgins F Baker Looking to fill out the rest of their roster, the team has been rumored to be pursuing free agent leftfielder Barry Bonds, in the hopes of taking over the starting point guard spot from the aging Bimbo Coles.</div> Everytime I drink Rum I get that dream too. Scary stuff.
wow. that was hilarious. you're out there though man! as crazy as that was, you definately had me laughing my ass off though...nice
Mmm... What could have be worse... with some real possibility... 1993: Nelson traded 3rd pick and future 3 unprotected future 1st picks for Shawn Bradley. Yeah, there was no question that Nelson was high on him at that time. As bad as Webber trade has been... 1994: With 11th pick, Warriors selected Carlos Rogers, and 16th pick, Warriors selected Cliff Rozier. Well, I guess we COULD have picked Yinka Dare and suffered those "no assist for two hundred games" joke. But, original picks were as bad as they could be. 1995: With 5th pick, Warriors selected Bryant "Big Country" Reeves. At that time, we were 5th worst team, and we ended up getting 1st pick, which we used for Joe Smith. At that year, 5th pick was KG. But since Twerdzik "loved" to take a risk, we were pretty much certain to draft Reeves, if we had 5th pick instead of skinny high school kid. 1996. With 11th pick, Warriors select Todd Fuller. Can't get any worse... 1997. With 8th pick, Warriors select Adonal Foyle. Considering PJ was torn between Foyle and another skinny high school kid McGrady... But, it could have been worse, because McGrady left Toronto with nothing. 1998. With 5th pick, Warriors select Robert Traylor. Let's imagine that Toronto and Dallas did swap the pick, and Toronto selected Jamison. Since, PJ lost a player he wanted, he decided to improve C/PF position by drafting best available big man, Robert Traylor. 1999. With 11th pick, Warriors select William Avery. PJ always wanted a traditional PG, and that's why he traded 11th pick for Mookie. If we didn't get that trade done, we might very well ended up with Avery. 2000. No pick. 2001. With 5th pick, Warriors select Eddie Griffin. With 14th pick, Warriors select Michael Bradley. With 31th pick, Warriors draft Omar Cook. Saint was thrilled to realize that Griffin, projected to be no. 1 in 2001 draft, slipped to 5th. With 14th pick, instead of selecting Murphy, whom they didn't even have a workout, Warriors decided to draft another sure thing, Bradley. With 31th pick, instead of selecting undersized SG from Arizona, Warriors decided to select Cook, who was compared to become next Kidd. 2002. With 2nd pick, Warriors select Jay Williams. We were tied with Bulls for the worst record and ended up with 2nd pick. At least, Saint was very happy to know that we could be a part of Yao-Williams sweepstake. With Yao gone, Warriors selected Williams, who could solidify PG position for the next 10 years. 2003. With 11th pick, Warriors select Reece Gaines. Instead of selecting raw Franch SG, Warriors decided to select Gaines, who could play multi positions. 2004. With 11th pick, Warriors select Luke Jackson. Because everybody knew that we wanted Biedrins weeks before the draft, 76ers went ahead and decided to snatch Biedrins from our hand. That made Cavs to select Iguodala, and Mullin decided to select Luke Jackson, who reminded Mullin. 2005. With 9th pick, Warriors selected Fran Vazquez. Instead of selecting undersized PF, Warriors decide to go with stud euro PF, Vazquez...
Of course,Kwan's scenario would have resulted in a lot of those picks being higher. We'd have been real bottom feeders the last few years,so would have picked higher. We'd also have hardly anyone worth re-signing for much $,so we'd have some cap room. Of course the brain trust could be Twardzik with Mully just doing contracts,and we get Chris Washburn to come back as the coach.
Great stuff guys. I don't know whether to laugh or cry over our bad history or an even worse history that truly could have been worse. ... I kind of wish we had Jay Williams' rookie scale contract right now unless Dunleavy trade in the future gets us something better. Good stuff guys. Nice thread Montaman!
Kwan brings up a good point, though, in that GS has actually drafted well the last few years. We have a versatile, vibrant, promising "crop" of talent in Monta, Beans, Pietrus, Ike, and POB. I'll take it with a smile.
