How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Zero Hippies screw in dirty sleeping bags ------------------------------ What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard ----------------------------- The only two jokes I tell (and I actually like Def Leppard)
How the Angel got placed on top of the Christmas tree. "Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree. Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?" Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. The angel said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?" And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass..." My dentist told me this joke yesterday. I needed some cheering up 'cause I got a shingles shot Thursday and felt like hell. Flu shots take me about 5 seconds to adjust. My shingles shot still aggravates my arthritis even today and my arm hurts quite a bit. The blood pressure cuff today really hurt. They tell me shingles is much worse than this. Now, in 2 to 8 months I need a booster. I pray to God in heaven above the second shot isn't as bad as the first.
A frog walks into a bank looking for a loan to fix up his pad. He goes to the teller asked the teller if he can get a loan, and the teller says he needs to speak to the loan officer over there, her name is Patricia Whack the frog goes over to Patricia and asks about getting a loan to fix up his pad. Patricia said well, you're a frog, we don't give loans to frogs, but I suppose, if you have any collateral? The frog pulls out this little white porcelain elephant and says this is all I have for collateral, but don't worry the bank manager knows my father. His name is Mick Jagger. The bank manager knows both me and my father. Patricia chuckles under her breath and goes to the manager. She says sir, you're never gonna believe this. There is a frog in my office wanting a loan to fix his pad, and you know him. The manager looks out and says yeah that's Mick Jagger son I do know him, but does he have any collateral? she said the only thing he has is a stupid little porcelain elephant. The manager scowls at Patricia and says this is a knick knack Patty Whack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone
A man goes into a bar with a frog on his head. The bar tender takes one look and says, "Hey, did you know you've got something strange growing on you? How did it happen?" The frog replies, "I dunno, it started out as wart on the bottom of my foot."
