More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. - Woody Allen
[video=youtube;cS4ct53xAu8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cS4ct53xAu8[/video]
http://www.buzzfeed.com/nhl/the-best-hockey-moments-in-movies-and-tv?sub=1519496_249688 Scroll down to #12
The doctor says to the man, "I'm sorry, your condition is terminal." Man says, "How long do I have?" Doctor says, "Ten." Man says, "Ten what? Ten years? Ten months? Ten weeks?" Doctor says, "Nine. Eight. Seven."
john denver crashes his plane into a mountain and dies and goes to heaven when he gets there, st peter greets him, and leads him to his own private little cottage, with a beautiful stream and waterfall, gorgeous landscaping, a true paradise "so john, here is your eternal reward, spend the rest of time immortal reflecting on your noble and pious life" says st peter "ill be back tomorrow to check in on you and make sure you are acclimating well" "well ok!" thought JD, i mean, being alive was pretty awesome, but this wasnt too bad either! birds chirping, dragonflies, and an emu sipping from the pond, pretty neat walking around his place though, he couldnt help but notice a huge castle to the east, rising 1000 feet into the air, made of mirrors and diamonds. the strange thing was it was surrounded by grateful dead flags... "hmm", thought mr denver "i guess jerry got a castle...oh well, jealousy isnt a very virtuous emotion, im happy enough here" the music started at around 8pm, at first it was nice! jerry was rocking out, who knows maybe jimmi was up there too! "i would have to ask st peter about going up there sometime" john thought to himself but then it didnt stop! midnight, 3am... 6am! still the loud cascading riffs rolling down the hill and literally vibrating his entire foundation, until they stopped around 7am, must have finally passed out... st peter came by around 8am to check in on ol' jonny boy "WTF! man" john denver screamed "i mean i hate to be like this but FUCK! i cant get an hour of sleep with this shit going on, i mean this is supposed to be heaven! i feel like a second class citizen!" "and why does jerry garcia get a fucking castle and im down here in this little cottage!??" "oh the castle?" asked st peter "thats gods place!"
Superman is on his daily crime flight over the Big Apple when he spots Wonder Woman laying out naked on her skyscraper roof patio. She's flat on her back and spread out on a sweltering hot summer day ridding herself of all tan lines. The man of steel pauses, caught between lust and shame not knowing what to do before remembering who he is and his gifts. "The time is now!" he thinks "I've always wanted her, I'll just use my superspeed and no one will ever know!" "Oh my god, what was that?" exclaims a startled Wonder Woman "I've no idea, but my ass is killing me" says the Invisible Man STOMP
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first asks for h2o the second asks for h2o too. The second chemist died.
