Jokes

Discussion in 'Chicago Bulls' started by TomBoerwinkle#1, Mar 15, 2011.

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  1. TomBoerwinkle#1

    TomBoerwinkle#1 Administrator Staff Member Administrator

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    I seem to recall us having a joke thread at some point -- or maybe it was one of the other places.

    In any event, this is my favorite story I've heard recently:

    An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. "Father", he confessed, "it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month." The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven . . . go and say three Hail Mary's."

    Soon after, another Irish man entered the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months." This time the priest questioned, "Who is this Nookie Green?" "A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replied. "Very well," sighed the priest, "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

    At mass the next morning - as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon - a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redhead entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny, emerald-green shoes.

    The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, just enough for them to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Nookie Green?" The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes".
     
    TomBoerwinkle#1, Mar 15, 2011
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  2. Denny Crane

    Denny Crane It's not even loaded! Staff Member Administrator

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    A rabbi, a priest, and a trained monkey walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says. "what is this, some kind of joke?"
     
    Denny Crane, Mar 15, 2011
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  3. Colonel Ronan

    Colonel Ronan Continue...?

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    Two Irishmen walk out of a pub...
     
    Colonel Ronan, Mar 16, 2011
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  4. truebluefan

    truebluefan Administrator Staff Member Administrator

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    LOL, that is a joke!
     
    truebluefan, Mar 16, 2011
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  5. 3RA1N1AC

    3RA1N1AC 00110110 00111001

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    why are women like carpet?

    if you lay them right you can walk all over them for years
     
    3RA1N1AC, Mar 16, 2011
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  6. Colonel Ronan

    Colonel Ronan Continue...?

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    Why don't women wear watches? Because the stoves have a clock.
     
    Colonel Ronan, Mar 16, 2011
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  7. truebluefan

    truebluefan Administrator Staff Member Administrator

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    What kind of bee produces milk?

    A Boo Bee
     
    truebluefan, Mar 17, 2011
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  8. Denny Crane

    Denny Crane It's not even loaded! Staff Member Administrator

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    How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?

    Give her a shovel.
     
    Denny Crane, Mar 17, 2011
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  9. Good Hope

    Good Hope Active Member

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    Three peanuts were walking down the street. One of them was assaulted.
     
    Good Hope, Mar 17, 2011
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  10. JustinVerlander35

    JustinVerlander35 Bringin' the Heat

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    [edit]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2011
    JustinVerlander35, Mar 17, 2011
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  11. such sweet thunder

    such sweet thunder Member Staff Member Moderator

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    . . .
     
    such sweet thunder, Mar 17, 2011
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  12. Good Hope

    Good Hope Active Member

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    Ok, this thread is quickly heading south...

    Two blondes in the far north were out looking at the full moon.

    One of them said how nice it would be if they could go to Florida to enjoy some warm weather.

    Then she asked her friend, "which do you think is farther away, the Moon, or Florida?"

    The other answered, "the Moon."

    "How do you know?" the first asked.

    "Well duh! Can you see Florida?"
     
    Good Hope, Mar 18, 2011
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  13. Good Hope

    Good Hope Active Member

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    Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
    A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
     
    Good Hope, Mar 18, 2011
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  14. Colonel Ronan

    Colonel Ronan Continue...?

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    [edit]

    If that is deleted, I completely understand.

    Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop.

    Lets try to avoid overtly offensive jokes -- like race based and similar. TomBoerwinkle#1
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2011
    Colonel Ronan, Mar 18, 2011
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  15. TomBoerwinkle#1

    TomBoerwinkle#1 Administrator Staff Member Administrator

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    20 lemmings walk in to a bar. They say: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
     
    TomBoerwinkle#1, Mar 18, 2011
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  16. Colonel Ronan

    Colonel Ronan Continue...?

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    Two blondes walk into a building. You thought one of them would of seen it.
     
    Colonel Ronan, Mar 18, 2011
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  17. 3RA1N1AC

    3RA1N1AC 00110110 00111001

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    what do women and planes have in common

    cockpits! boom
     
    3RA1N1AC, Mar 18, 2011
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  18. JustinVerlander35

    JustinVerlander35 Bringin' the Heat

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    Whoops sorry if I offended anyone with my joke. I thought it was pretty funny but if it went to far I understand.
     
    JustinVerlander35, Mar 18, 2011
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  19. 3RA1N1AC

    3RA1N1AC 00110110 00111001

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    pm please
     
    3RA1N1AC, Mar 18, 2011
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  20. 3RA1N1AC

    3RA1N1AC 00110110 00111001

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    a guy finds a goddamn leprechaun and it grants him one wish

    he tells the leprechaun his wish but right then, an army of kkk rush in and lynch him in the front yard

    never wish to be hung like a black man
     
    3RA1N1AC, Mar 18, 2011
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