<div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> George Bush is elected president, Iraq and Iran end their wars, and the Bradley Center is built. Can?t guess the year yet? The year was 1988, and ladies and gentlemen that was 18 years ago. Bobby Simmons, Andrew Bogut, Charlie Bell, and Jamaal Magloire are some of the new faces on the Bucks roster this season. They have rejuvenated the Bucks this season and the team looks a new. That?s until you look up into the stands and you see the exact same view you have seen for the past 17 years. All sport arenas at sometime must be replaced. The Bradley Center in downtown Milwaukee is no exception. This arena (originally built for a hockey team) is one of the oldest and dullest NBA arenas in the league. The view is horrible in some sections and the location is not to hot either. Located in downtown Milwaukee this Bradley Center is located in a hotspot for frustrating traffic. I feel a perfect spot for an arena would be out in the suburbs a little ways. Something like a Miller Park would do. Miller Park located right off the interstate makes it an easy place to get to. Newcomers to the area can have a hard time trying to weave their way to this Bradley Center. The capacity is nothing to worry about (18,717) but the view in some upper deck areas might make you want to scream ?I want my 25 dollars back!? Finally the street life is something a lot of people talk about in some good ways. However when Street Life is mentioned, people are talking in a totally different way. The ?arena band? has talent, but it gets old when they play the same song year after year after year. So I guess all I really want is a new arena, a better location, some more songs to enjoy at the game, and lets throw some new jerseys into the mix too.
This is constructive criticism, so please don't take offense to this. This article is really bad. <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> George Bush is elected president, Iraq and Iran end their wars, and the Bradley Center is built. Can’t guess the year yet? The year was 1988, and ladies and gentlemen that was 18 years ago. </div> Very cheesy/irrelevent intro. <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> George Bush is elected president, Iraq and Iran end their wars, and the Bradley Center is built. Can’t guess the year yet? The year was 1988, and ladies and gentlemen that was 18 years ago. Bobby Simmons, Andrew Bogut, Charlie Bell, and Jamaal Magloire are some of the new faces on the Bucks roster this season. They have rejuvenated the Bucks this season and the team looks a new. That’s until you look up into the stands and you see the exact same view you have seen for the past 17 years. </div> There's absolutely no transition between paragraphs. You have to connect them for it to flow well. <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> They have rejuvenated the Bucks this season and the team looks a new. That’s until you look up into the stands and you see the exact same view you have seen for the past 17 years. </div> *anew There needs to be a comma seperating the two independent clauses in the last sentence there, since each could stand alone as a sentence. <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> Bobby Simmons, Andrew Bogut, Charlie Bell, and Jamaal Magloire are some of the new faces on the Bucks roster this season. They have rejuvenated the Bucks this season and the team looks a new. That’s until you look up into the stands and you see the exact same view you have seen for the past 17 years. All sport arenas at sometime must be replaced. The Bradley Center in downtown Milwaukee is no exception. This arena (originally built for a hockey team) is one of the oldest and dullest NBA arenas in the league. The view is horrible in some sections and the location is not to hot either. </div> These paragraphs are all choppy. Once again, you need to connect them thematically. This is the same for most paragraphs, so I won't repeat it. <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> I feel a perfect spot for an arena would be out in the suburbs a little ways. Something like a Miller Park would do. Miller Park located right off the interstate makes it an easy place to get to. Newcomers to the area can have a hard time trying to weave their way to this Bradley Center. </div> Being self-referential is bad. Using "I feel" is very bad, because you don't sound confident about what you're saying. <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> Something like a Miller Park would do. Miller Park located right off the interstate makes it an easy place to get to. Newcomers to the area can have a hard time trying to weave their way to this Bradley Center. </div> You ended the first two sentences with prepositions. Gah!! <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> Newcomers to the area can have a hard time trying to weave their way to this Bradley Center. </div> Wouldn't newcomers to the area have a hard time finding anything? <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div>The capacity is nothing to worry about (18,717) but the view in some upper deck areas might make you want to scream “I want my 25 dollars back!” </div> There needs to be a comma before "but" Also, every arena has crappy seats. <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> Finally the street life is something a lot of people talk about in some good ways. However when Street Life is mentioned, people are talking in a totally different way. The “arena band” has talent, but it gets old when they play the same song year after year after year. So I guess all I really want is a new arena, a better location, some more songs to enjoy at the game, and lets throw some new jerseys into the mix too.</div> There's no reason to have street life in lowercase in once sentence, and then capitalized in the next sentence. So, why not change the arena band, or have them learn a new song? Why spends millions of dollars because you don't like a song? <div class="quote_poster">Quoting bangofan13:</div><div class="quote_post"><div align="center">New Faces Deserve Better Places</div> So I guess all I really want is a new arena, a better location, some more songs to enjoy at the game, and lets throw some new jerseys into the mix too.</div> Self-referential again. Yeah, and I want a Lamborghini, a South American model, a lifetime supply of individually wrapped plastic utensils, among other things. However, I'm not going to get them if I can't come up with a decent reason to spend all that money.
I agree with everything Chuck said... I'm a professional sports journalist, so I'll try and help by giving three areas where you are desperately lacking: 1) Lead- your lead, as chuck noted, is not relevant to the article..you want your lead to be attractive and witty, to draw ur reader in...IMO, the lead is one of the most, if not THE most, important aspect of an article... 2) Depth- add the team's records from the past and even this season to get those who arent acquainted with the Bucks more familiar...give attendance figures...are the Bucks sold out every night? maybe attendance has been poor...plus the team isnt known for being a consistent winner, so that may play a part 3) Transition- you need transition sentences between paragraphs as chuck said...Your article is choppy and in blocks...theres no flow or smoothness to it...it jumps...
C'mon guys, he's just expressing himself here, don't get down on him too much I liked the article man, I think that we do need changes with the BC, and you know I wouldn't argue against new uniforms, either Good stuff, and hopefully you'll take the guys' advice and keep on writing for us!
<div class="quote_poster">Quoting Schaddy:</div><div class="quote_post">C'mon guys, he's just expressing himself here, don't get down on him too much I liked the article man, I think that we do need changes with the BC, and you know I wouldn't argue against new uniforms, either Good stuff, and hopefully you'll take the guys' advice and keep on writing for us!</div> If he wanted to express his opinion, that's cool, he could have just made this thread discussing the matter at hand. However, he decided to label this an "article", and thus subjected himself to the criticism.
