When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy The Nation I helped conceive?" Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties, but you failed." James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!" Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence." The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader. As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me." The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said? ______________________________________________________ #2 Never felt safer I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on ebay any more), tossed the Don't Tread on Me flag, and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door. I gave the pit bull to my mother in law and stored my AR-15. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch. Instead of all that silly stuff I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on ebay) and ran it up the flag pole. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me. Plus, I bought burkas for my family. when we shop or travel everyone moves out of the way and security can't pat us down (profiling, you know). Hot Damn — Safe at last — Is America getting greater every day or what?
Pretty damn funny, the squeeze & I got a huge chuckle. On the eve of his inauguration in 1993, Bill Clinton toured the Washington DC historical sites. While observing the Washington Memorial Clinton thought George Washington, father of our country, Commander if the Army that beat the British. Were you here tonight what advice would you offer. Thunder rolled, lightning flashed and a voice said "Be honest in your daily affairs." Next site was the Jefferson Memorial, Clinton thought, Thomas Jefferson, literate man, writer contributing to the Declaration of Independence and Constitution, were you here tonight what advice would you offer. Again the thunder rolled, lightning flashed and a voice said " maintain literary standards." The final site was the Lincoln Memorial. Clinton then thought Abraham Lincoln, freed the slaves, guided the Union through the Civil War, were you here with me tonight what advice would you offer, the thunder rolled, lightning flashed and a voice said "go to Fords Theater."
