Starring PtldPlatypus as LeBron "King" James and BrianFromWA as Steph "Babyface" Curry. (Wish I had DW to put in faces and swooshes and stuff, but alas...)
Steph: You're making this easy for me...I had this whole "AD vs. Boogie" thing going. "And while AD is a spectacular player and I’d love to have him on my team to, uh, back up Draymond, yeah, Draymond ("we tight, D!"), I’m going with Boogie here. First, because it’s an all-star game and I’m not worried about his sometimes-spectacular defensive lapses. Second, because Boogie might actually cut me at some point if I don’t. "
Steph: Joel Embiid will be lucky not to break something on his way there (he better throw some salt and knock on wood just for me saying that). You have a better chance of having to bench 19y/o Jayson Tatum instead of getting big minutes out of Embiid. But you do you, LeBron... I choose your boy Kyrie. No one besides RW is more suited to a narcissistic, me-first circus-atmosphere spectacular of handles, trick shots and absurd alley-oop passes. But I'm making him show up like Uncle Drew
LeBron: No problem. I obviously didn't want Kyrie under any circumstances. You're welcome to waste a pick on a guy you were getting regardless.
Steph: So in recap...Greatest Shooter of All Time, KD, Boogie, Kyrie, DeRozan. If I get that injury exemption, I’m taking Jordan and we’ll corner the market on all the De’s of the NBA (and invite DeLino DeShields to be an Assistant Coach.), since Lord Knows there isn’t going to be any other D on the Staples floor that night. I joked with y’all I wanted all guards. KD played the 2 for PJ Carlesimo and Boogie takes almost as many 3’s as Klay. I’m good with what I got so far, but now’s where it gets interesting.
(Editor's Note: I know that was a total out-of-character Homer pick. But I knew if I didn't, Platypus would, and I don't want Dame reading this board someday and thinking I didn't want him. I WOULDA PICKED YOU OVER KD, DAME!) On with the show.
Figured you’d want to get in my head somehow with this one, that you were going to take one of Draymond and Klay and I’m going to get the other one. I guess you like individual awards, though. You're welcome to him. Always had you as a checkers, not chess, guy. If you'd have taken Klay, that’s awesome, b/c Draymond is the heart and soul and, even if his game is not suited for an ASG, I like his ferocity. Junkyard Dogs have to have a representative in the game. If you took Dray thinking I’ll miss him, you’re right. I’ll go with the dude that scored more in one quarter than anyone else in history. If y’all going to be giving up wide-open shots all night, I got KlayKlay. LeBron: Yeah, I had actually thought about that, and can't say I'm not disappointed that you took Klay off the board. That's precisely where I was going with my next pick. But since that's out the window, I may as well quadruple-down on the physical freaks.
Steph: Well, now I can't leave Draymond to you, so I'll grab him here and we'll roll out the 2nd-quarter Warriors Lineup against RW, Porzing hell, it doesn't matter, they're not seeing the ball on offense and we're going to run them off the floor when you're on defense. LeBron: Felt pretty sure you were taking all your boys (y'all know I ain't got that issue w/KLove! ).
Steph: Brad got himself some game, good pick, good pick. I can't believe that you missed on Victor Oladipo, man. I swear, the only way you're going to get on Sportscenter against us is on the back end of a baaaad poster. LeBron: Nah--didn't miss; was just hoping you'd let him slide one more spot. Second time in a row you got the next guy I wanted.
You can have him. I love me some Jimmy, but ain't nobody going to be playing D here. It's an exhibition...an exhibition of the greatest offensive talent we can toss together. LeBron: BTW--y'all gotta get Dame and 'Dipo to collaborate on an R&B/hip-hop ASG track, Nate Dogg/Warren G style. Steph: I'd say that was a great idea, but since you probably got it from Drake I'll pass. Hang on, though, I think Li'l Wayne is hitting me up on the other line... LeBron: Funny--a guy who picked Mr. Defense lampooning my Jimmy "BUCKETS" pick because this ain't a defense game. Makes sense... Getting late here, I could probably use another big. Ahh, I guess it won't be so bad having KLove around. He can still spread the floor, and you're right about not really caring about defense. Sounds perfect for him. Give me the Beach Boy...
Steph: You got him. It'll be interesting to see who the first one to help him off the floor is after Dray knocks him on his ass on a screen...my team or yours. Just for video purposes, give me Mike Kyle LeBron: You can have your midget bad boy... LeBron: Last call, bro. Down to Aldridge and Horford--whichever one you don't take can blame you for making him the last pick. Who you gonna piss off?
Steph: There isn't an easier pick all day. I'll leave you with LaMarshmallow, because WTF is he gonna do? Beef at me? LOL. At least Big Al the Professional Pal is going to sit on the bench and not scowl at me all day. I love me some adult behavior. Steph: You can have the Terrible Towers. I mean, when Bruce Bowen puts out a meme tape on you: LeBron: Sounds good--I prefer my players not washed up and riding coattails of second-tier wannabe superstars, but actually making the game on their own merits. I'll take Aldridge on my squad all day long--nobody else wants to shoot from the left elbow anyway. Steph:
Just wanted to say great job on this guys. I was refreshing the page like crazy in anticipation. Team Steph is smaller (Team LeBron could score on them a lot of different ways in the post) but in All-Star games I don't think that matters as much. Could go either way.
Yeah, that was my bad. @PtldPlatypus ran with a great idea, and trying to get it into memes and edited with crappy internet right now was challenging. Glad you like it!
Ask PP. They're his. And I just realized that since I posted everything he's not getting any "Like" love. Everyone who appreciated the back-and-forth here, give @PtldPlatypus some love.
Nah--I just screen capped all the headshots on NBA.com and threw them into MS paint. Didn't take too much effort, but it came out nice, I thought. Nah--you did all the meme work. I just tried my best to keep up with the smack talk (not my forte).
