The New York Yankees won over the Houston Astros by a score of 9-3. Javier Vazquez got the win. Ahhhhhh!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Did you watch the game?? Ahhhhhhh!!! I can’t take it anymore! Derek Jeter bang ZOOMED the Astros! He did a Ralph Kramden on them! He Ralph Kramdened them! He Har har, hardee har hared them! Jorge did too! Jorge was part of the plan! POW! Jorge gave it to them, right in the kisser! Yankee fans. Are you ready for these stats? Can you handle them? First, let me clear my THROAT! Kick it over here baby pop… And let all the fly skimmies, feeeel da beat. MMMMM DRAHP! Derek Jeter, 2-for-4, three runs scored, a walk and four RBI. <– Wow. That’s in the know. Jorge Posada with a space shuttle mission of grand slam category. 2-for-3 with one run scored and four RBI. <– Now that that’s hip. That’s cool. That’s so cool that they call him the, “Hip, Hip.” Now, let me ask Yankee fans a question. Who else is called the “Hip, Hip?” No one. It’s a special name given to special people. Do you know who’s special? Yankee fans? Jorge is. Jorge Posada. Hip, HIP! hore HAY! He’s the “Hip hip.” He’s the “Hore Hay.” Javier FROZE the Astros with devastating breaking balls. It was of devastation. Seven innings pitched, three earned runs on six hits. That’s a “quality” start. This game was tagged as quality by the FCC. This is what we need from fourth starter. Quality starts against professional baseball teams. Javier is a professional. He PROFESSIONALED the Astros! The Yankees are our team. They are “the” team. Do you believe in the Yankees? Yankee fans? Do you? After all, you GOTTA believe! You gotta BELIEVE! Simply stated. What a nice day for a Yankees win. It’s nice outside. Nice and sunny. It’s warm. The Yankees are hot. Yankee fans? Welcome aboard.
