OT Sly's house of random, 2017 edition

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SlyPokerDog

SlyPokerDog

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Saw this on the facebook this morning:

I lost a dear friend last night....Jose'.
At approx 3:34am, I was abruptly awakened by two gun shots and glass breakage at the opposite end of the house.
I grabbed the .45 and rolled out of bed quietly listening for any movement. My military training kicked in... Weaver stance, trigger safety off, quick peek out the bedroom door, weapons hot...
No sign of movement... No sound of an intruder..
With all the stealth of Paul Blart, the mall cop, I moved thru the house clearing room by room, checking behind doors, closets, windows.....nothing was left to chance.
A quick glance of the front surveillance camera showed nothing. Rear....nothing.
I belly-crawled into the kitchen like Tom Cruise on an Impossible Mission....still no signs of a burglar.
But then I noticed....the refrigerator door ajar..
I slowly opened to find carnage and horror.
Apparently, 2 canned rolls of Pillsbury biscuits had froze and burst next to a bottle of Jose Cuervo, and the impact caused it to hit the fridge door, then shatter.
Jose died from an IED..
We never talked much, and he was only a year old....but he was always there nonetheless.
Adios, amigo..
 
Sedatedfork said:
Saw this on the facebook this morning:

I lost a dear friend last night....Jose'.
At approx 3:34am, I was abruptly awakened by two gun shots and glass breakage at the opposite end of the house.
I grabbed the .45 and rolled out of bed quietly listening for any movement. My military training kicked in... Weaver stance, trigger safety off, quick peek out the bedroom door, weapons hot...
No sign of movement... No sound of an intruder..
With all the stealth of Paul Blart, the mall cop, I moved thru the house clearing room by room, checking behind doors, closets, windows.....nothing was left to chance.
A quick glance of the front surveillance camera showed nothing. Rear....nothing.
I belly-crawled into the kitchen like Tom Cruise on an Impossible Mission....still no signs of a burglar.
But then I noticed....the refrigerator door ajar..
I slowly opened to find carnage and horror.
Apparently, 2 canned rolls of Pillsbury biscuits had froze and burst next to a bottle of Jose Cuervo, and the impact caused it to hit the fridge door, then shatter.
Jose died from an IED..
We never talked much, and he was only a year old....but he was always there nonetheless.
Adios, amigo..
Click to expand...

RIP Jose.
 
Here's how my brother-in-law stopped swearing:

He was shopping at Albertsons with my niece who was about 3 years old at the time and was sitting in the shopping cart. It was really busy and they were waiting in the checkout line, lots of people around them, and my brother-in-law realizes he forgot something. He's kind of thinking out loud, "I wonder if I have time and should I run and get it, etc."

My niece pipes up from the cart "Just fuck it, dad."

All the people, especially the old ladies, just glared at him. From that day on my brother-in-law tried to curb the use of profanities.
 
Not sure if I saw this here or on twitter, or where, so if I jacked it from someone, I apologize. But, Winona Rider - SAG Awards -- Pizza is amazing...

 
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