I peed on the dotted line of the road into Iraq while standing on the running board of the deuce I was driving in a convoy doing 35 MPH in the early hours of the ground invasion. I also pooped by the side of the road during a refueling stop, just as our Battalion Executive Officer, a female Major who had spent nearly her entire career in the White House Protocol Office, came by looking for me. She asked my shotgun whether he'd seen me, and I could hear him say, "He's on the other side of the truck, Ma'am." She says, "Oh" and starts to walk around to my side of the truck. Meanwhile, I'm leaning back between the two rear tires, and I'm about a third of the way through squeezing out an MRE-brownie-hardened buttsnake big enough to make Mrs. HCP break a sweat. Just as I begin to panic, I hear my friend say, "Uh, Ma'am, you might not want to go over there." She asked, completely oblivious, "Why not?" my friend told me that just as those words left her mouth the wind shifted, and the smell wafted across them both. He watched as her expression went from one of curiosity to confusion to comprehension to a combination of surprise, amazement, discomfort, and horror. I wish I had recorded him telling the story because he could make that last sentence a hilariously gripping three or four minutes long...
After my army days during my $4.75 an hour days, I used to eat MREs at home. Not a lot of extra cash for groceries. One of those will feed you for the whole day Sent from my baller ass iPhone 5 FAMS!
My brother in law, who was a Lt Col at the time, gave me some extra MRE's he had on hand, and I tried eating them. Emphasis on tried.
A couple of months ago, I found an unopened case of MRE's I had in storage. I think the inspect/test date on them was 1995...
