1. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 2. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. 3. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. 4. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 5. Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? 6. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. 7. When chemists die, they barium. 8. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. 9. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. 10. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 11. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. 12. This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore 13. I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. 14. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 15. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 16. I got some batteries that were given out free of charge. 17. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 18. A will is a dead giveaway. 19. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 20. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 21. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now. 22. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired. 23. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. 24. He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed. 25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. 26. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it. 27. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
...never know what I'm gonna get from her...it's either something deeply religious , OR the raunchiest/nastiest joke you've ever heard.
^^^^^ Your Mom, I can see is a very special person, mom, et al. I've always enjoyed her "emails you've shared".... My own Mom wasn't too keen on Comedy, sadly enough...My late Brother a comedian in his own right~!~ laughter is one of our greatest gifts, attributes. When one shares a good joke it's truly special to me.... I was watching "The History of Comedy" last week. A long several hour documentary. They touched on tragedies, and opened up a discourse for Comedians to address. 9/11 redefined this question: when is it too early after tragedy to cut up??? SNL delayed shows for a few 2+ weeks. Lorne Michaels standing on the SNL stage, with the NYFD/NYPD (during the Opening Monologue) askedMayor Giuliani: "Is it ok to be funny now"; Giuliani said: "Why start now"??? 2 mos later in dowtown NYC, Hugh Hefner was roasted. Gilbert Gottfried opened, (never one of my favs, but this was stunnning). He closes his monologue/jokes, and says: "I've got to leave early, I've got to fly to LAX, and I've got a layover at the Empire St. Bldg".
