Yocke on Tuesday, February 03, 2004 - 11:59 PM Warriorsworld presents....Real Men of Genius. Today, we salute you, Mr. Franchise Ruiner. In any given year, you drive thousands of loyal fans away from your team, all the while prolonging your playoff drought. After all, that arena is already paid for; why spend more than you have to? Thanks to your savvy, you know that winning the draft lottery is a lot easier than winning the Finals. And a lot cheaper, too. (Everywhere a splish splash!) So trade another superstar, Mr. Franchise Ruiner, you are truly a man ahead of your time. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Chris Cohan. The man who has led the Golden State Warriors into the sewer of the NBA, never to be heard from again. The man who bought the team in the middle of a 50-win season, only to miss the playoffs the next 11 seasons in a row, assuming Evan Eschmeyer and Popeye Jones can't resuscitate this year's squad. Chris Cohan, the man who suckered a young me into liking basketball, only to betray my undying trust year after year. Chris Cohan, the man who traded Chris Webber. Now, in case I haven't made it clear by now, I'm not the world's biggest Chris Cohan fan. He lost me around 1998, when the Warriors made Superstar Trade Screw-Up #3, commonly known as the Latrell Sprewell deal. That was the year I threw away my stitched Cohan jersey, took down my "Cohan the Barbarian" posters, and vowed to never again trust the man who ruined the Warriors. Of course, my faith in him was completely restored once Cohan the Real Man of Genius inked Erick Dampier to a 7 year, $48 million contract. The signing of Dampier, Jason Caffey, Antawn Jamison, and Danny Fortson to large contracts goes to show that Cohan is truly an astute basketball man. He obviously realizes that the NBA is a big man's game, and he's done his best to lock up his best big guys. Of course, this meant people like Kevin Garnett, Dirk Nowitzki, and Jermaine O'Neal went undrafted, but everyone knows you build through free agency, not the draft. It was this stunningly brilliant strategy that led to the seduction of Mark Price, Calbert Cheaney, and Tim Legler, none of whom could resist Cohan's siren call. The last big-time free agent to sign with the Warriors was Ralph Sampson, back when he was only 58. Apparently, Cohan's milkshake isn't bringing anyone to the yard. Correction: Cohan has managed to persuade one man to follow his lead into the NBA basement. Chris Mullin, the greatest player in NBA history, has been traded away, signed as a free agent, and hired as GM by Chris Cohan in a mere 6 year period. For some reason, Mullin can't stay away from the Warriors. Either Cohan has stronger brainwashing powers than Jermaine Dupri, or Mully has turned into Brooksie from "The Shawshank Redemption". Brooksie was the guy who spent nearly his entire life in prison, only to fall apart upon his release, having grown too attached the ways of prison life. Unfortunately, I think the same thing has happened to Mullin; he is so comfortable with the losing here that he can't function in a normal, winning society. Poor Mullin has been condemned to a fate worse than death: a lifelong relationship with Chris Cohan, the Golden State Warriors, and their catatonic fans. No matter what Mullin does as GM, he will go down in history as the greatest GM in Cohan history. Cleaning up after Dave Twardzick and Garry St. Jean is worth a good 5-10 pages on a resume, and rumor has it that the White House is designing a new medal of honor for Mully once he takes over. For years, the Warriors made coaching and player decisions like they'd been out drinking at Jackie Treehorn's all night, and Bay Area fans tried to make the best of it. Every Warriors fan's nightmares are full of people named Fuller and Bimbo, Winters and Mookie, Starks and Keefe. For every star player let go, for every elite coach who walked out in disgust, there have been 3 scrubs right there to replace him. The Warriors have been a sinking ship for nearly a decade, while their captain rows away in a lifeboat. There's no light at the end of the tunnel here, I don't have any words to make Warriors fans feel better about their team. The blame for the Warriors' losing ways has been pinned on everyone imaginable, but nothing ever changes. I used to think Don Nelson and Rick Adelman were fools for not letting Webber, Mullin, and Tim Hardaway run the show; but then I saw both coaches in last year's Western Conference Finals. Then I thought, "Well, maybe the coaches were right, maybe the players weren't as good as we thought". Then I thought about the 8,526 playoff runs Webber, Timmy, Mullin, and Spree have made since they left. No, the only man who has seen this mess through from beginning to end is Christopher himself. And it is for these reasons that we salute you, Mr. Franchise Ruiner. R.Y.
Okay its pessimistic, but it's funny and it won't stop me from being a warriors fan unless they refuse to re-sign Brian Cardinal the Custodian.
Sure Cohan's had a part in these deals, but it depends on how much say and reliance he he put in St. Jean. Getting Mully back is a start.
The Warriors also got Mitch Richmond in the front office I think. Now we just need the King of Crossover on the staff and we're set. Run TMC reborn and hopefully not really "run tmc". Half court, smart, consistent play should be the way to go if they want a real playoff or championship team. It maybe be boring to some fans, but to all real basketball fans, the ultimate is excitement is watching flawless execution of a play. None of this let's run, who gives a care about defense. That's Don Nelson ball and he'll never win a ring with that strategy.
Of course my real feeling is that Cohan has a lot to do with the way the franchise has really sunk. I don't think he's as rich as to afford luxury tax. Maybe that's why he seems cheap. After all he was in the bay area real estate business. But that doesn't matter because other teams have won rings with less like the San Antonio Spurs who just happened to draft a freak of nature by the name of Tim Duncan who carried his team to two championship rings already.
It's a cycle. He overspent with Jamison, Damp, Fortson because no one wanted to play for GSW. Which lead to Gilbert leaving since the MLE was all we could offer him. At least now they exercised the options on Murphy and JRich to get Bird Rights. (Correct me if I'm wrong fellas.)
<div class="quote_poster">Quoting jayserinos99:</div><div class="quote_post">It's a cycle. He overspent with Jamison, Damp, Fortson because no one wanted to play for GSW. Which lead to Gilbert leaving since the MLE was all we could offer him. At least now they exercised the options on Murphy and JRich to get Bird Rights. (Correct me if I'm wrong fellas.)</div> No you are right. But sometimes the cycle may not happen the way you want if you don't manage it properly. That's the biggest fear. Repeating history.
