You've never met me. I'm a dick to overzealous pricks on here, sure. Its easy. I'm not as good at it in real life though.
Tell him your long lost brother Divinio has been transferred by the Mob to Portland, wants to reacquaint with you, and is jealous and angry about your friend taking your time. Tell him you're very afraid of arguing with Divinio and regretably, Divinio wants to talk to him unless the friendship ends. If that doesn't work, offer your friend money if he'll leave you alone. When he negotiates, try to hold him below $100 per week. As the weeks go on and he demands more, just sign over your paycheck to him every payday. Sell the house, whatever it takes. If that doesn't work, just shoot him. I know, it's a tough decision. Been there, done that, lonely again, came here to make friends.
