The official Jusuf Nurkic facts thread

When Nurk messes with Siri on his Iphone and asks why the iPhone sucks, instead of a preprogrammed sarcastic response Siri apologizes and promises to do better.

 

In the vein of They Might Be Giants:


Nurkic man, Nurkic man
Doing the things a Nurkic can
What's he like? It's not important
Nurkic man

Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When he's underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?
Nobody knows, Nurkic man

 

My refrigerator has three buttons on it. 1 for water and 2 for ice.

The ice buttons are marked

Cubed

And

Nurked

 

Of course there is also a Leonard portion of the same TMBG's song:

Leonard man, Leonard man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Leonard man

Is he depressed or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with Leonard man?
Degraded man, Leonard man

 

4 out of 5 Dentists recommend Trident gum. The 5th dentist is Nurk's dentist and he doesn't have the guts to tell Nurk anything.

 

When Nurk sprays Lysol it kills 100 percent of household germs because the resistant germs die of fright

 

Nurk doesnt spray lysol. When he needs to disinfect, he just eats a pack of breath mints and breathes on everything. If he had more time in his life, he could cure all diseases with his disinfecting breath.

 

So...

Doers that mean I won???

 

Are you into beatings? You want Lois Griffin to step on your cubes?

 

Some look up at night to see the stars.

The stars look down at night to see Nurkic.

 

There is a rumor that drinking Nurk's tears will lead to eternal life. The problem is that Nurk has never cried. I believe the rumor though.....

 

When Nurk goes to the bank to get money he doesn't need withdrawal slips. He just scribbles IOU on a piece of paper and takes what he wants.

Tibetan wise men have given up finding a higher plane of existence when they discovered that there is only Nurk's World.

 

Nurks grandad was the inspiration for those automatic doors at the grocery store. They hadn't been invented yet but one day someone noticed that the door opened for him by itself and thought it would be cool if it happened for everyone.

 

If you read the disclaimer at the end of those Most Interesting Man in the World commercials you'll see an asterik and the words "except for Nurk"

 

When Jusuf left for college he patted him on his head and told his dad:

"You're the man of the house now"

 

Nurk once swallowed a whole Rubix cube... It came out solved...

 

James Cameron wanted Nurkic to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold.

 

Jusuf Nurkic discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which he is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Nurkic punched him in the face.
We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.