<div class="quote_poster">Quote:</div><div class="quote_post">?Tis the season to be entertained by the quotable players of the NBA. And 2005 was a very good year, judging by this collection of nuggets. I like a lot of quote-makers throughout the league, but the MVL (most valuable lip) is right here in Rip City in the form of Ruben Patterson. The veteran small forward is at once born-again and cantankerous, feeling blessed and pissed off, conciliatory and argumentative. Those with notepads and recorders, rejoice. After a tirade in New York about playing time that earned him a two-game suspension and some paid time off on the inactive list, Patterson revealed the source of his ire: ?It was like the devil hit me and told me to get it out.? Patterson can be poignant. Late in a home game against Minnesota, Patterson approached referee Danny Crawford after a questionable foul call on Joel Przybilla and opined, ?I know it?s Kevin Garnett, but damn!? Sometimes Patterson?s humor is inadvertent. After a strong performance against Utah, Patterson observed, ?I?m a little exhausted right now. Haven?t played that hard in two weeks.? Coincidentally, Ruben was playing his first game in two weeks. The sometimes turnover-inclined Patterson also can be the inspiration for quotables. After an assist on a Martell Webster 3-pointer that clinched an overtime victory over the Hornets, Portland coach Nate McMillan described it this way: ?Ruben finally made a pass to a player in the right-colored jersey, and Martell drained it.? ? ? ? Portland TV analyst Mike Rice is another of our favorites ? and not only for his frequent malapropisms. After Zach Randolph complained to a referee that Philadelphia coach Maurice Cheeks ? Portland?s coach the previous season ? seemed to induce a defensive three-seconds call against teammate Darius Miles, Rice offered, ?Zach is telling the official, ?You?re listening to coach Cheeks. We never did.? ? Rice, after Przybilla was hit in the crotch during a game: ?Joel was signaling to the bench. Apparently they didn?t hear him with that high-pitched voice.? Rice also can play straight man. After a 130-85 whipping in Phoenix, the fourth-biggest margin of defeat in Blazer franchise history, he observed, ?Nate McMillan knows there will be nights like this.? ?Not too many, we hope,? play-by-play man Mike Barrett said in response. ? ? ? We?ve always enjoyed Rasheed Wallace as a quotemeister (?Both teams played hard?), and Mr. T. had another big year. Wallace on Detroit coach Flip Saunders: ?He?s like Steve Spurrier. He wants to get those points up on the board.? John Kerry supporter Wallace, before joining his teammates to meet President Bush in a White House ceremony after the Pistons? NBA championship: ?I ain?t going to say (expletive) to him. I didn?t vote for him. I?m not excited at all; it?s just part of the thing.? Wallace, on forecasters picking Miami to win the 2005 NBA championship instead of the defending-champion Pistons: ?That?s just some TV commentators talking. There are some peasants in the kingdom throwing rocks at the throne, but that?s OK.? ? ? ? More quips from 2005: Saunders, on being heckled by Jack Nicholson in the Staples Center: ?I told him, ?I didn?t like your last movie, either, but I didn?t ask for a refund.? ? Houston coach Jeff Van Gundy, about meeting President Clinton while Van Gundy was broadcasting before his return to coaching: ?He said, ?We should get together some time and talk about leadership.? I said, ?That would be great.? He said, ?Yeah, I got to go to Asia for an economic summit.? Then, ?I got to go to the Middle East.? I was thinking, ?I got TNT Thursday.? ? Van Gundy, to a reporter asking about a former player: ?I don?t get into subplots. That?s your job. I don?t tell you your job. You guys tell me mine.? Van Gundy, on charges that Yao Ming is too nice: ?He?s good. It?s still a game of being good. There are a lot of mean guys who suck.? Yao, on learning the game from Shaquille O?Neal: ?The tuition is a bit too expensive.? Philadelphia?s Allen Iverson, to his personal assistant after being asked by a news reporter about his reported involvement in an incident in an Atlantic City casino after a 76er game: ?Tell him to kiss my ass.? Shaquille O?Neal, after the Heat were eliminated in the Eastern Conference finals: ?I don?t think anyone expected us to get this far.? Phoenix coach Mike D?Antoni on the NBA?s dress code: ?The bad news is, Steve (Nash) will be in violation even when he?s dressed up.? Houston?s David Wesley, looking for a new contract at age 35 and coming off knee surgery: ?I can?t see any reason I can?t get $10 million or $12 million a year. There shouldn?t be any argument.? Milwaukee General Manager Larry Harris, putting an arm around Terry Porter as he announced Porter would be coach of the Bucks for another year: ?We?re going to sink or swim together.? Six weeks later, Porter was fired. Orlando?s Steve Francis, on not making the 2005 All-Star Game: ?It?s like Jay-Z going to the Grammys, knowing he?s a Grammy winner but not winning. He doesn?t stop making hits. I?m not going to stop playing ball.? San Antonio?s Brent Barry, after coach Gregg Popovich?s first-quarter ejection against the Clippers: ?You don?t really want to see the captain of the ship make a quick exit off the plank.? Jason Kidd, after Stephon Marbury?s declaration that Marbury is the best point guard in the league: ?I?m third. It goes Steph, (my son) T.J. and then me.? Referee Dick Bavetta, as players on the Boston bench rose to protest a foul call against then-Celtic Gary Payton: ?Guys, not every play.? Golden State?s Adonal Foyle, after getting poster-ized on a dunk by Phoenix?s Amare Stoudemire: ?I donated my body to science. At least to the Amare Stoudemire Foundation.? Orlando GM John Weisbrod, asked if he had read ex-Orlando star Tracy McGrady?s admission in Sports Illustrated he didn?t always play hard while with the Magic: ?This just in, huh?? New Orleans coach Byron Scott, asked if it was an insult to the Hornets that Jimmy Jackson refused to report after being traded from Houston: ?I wouldn?t say insult ? more of a slap in the face.? New Jersey?s Marc Jackson, who lives on a farm in Burlington County, N.J., after drawing a $5,000 fine for an obscenity: ?That?s about six months worth of horse feed.? Chicago?s Tyson Chandler on Southern Cal coach Tim Floyd, who had a 49-190 record with the Bulls: ?Maybe he?s a better college coach than an NBA coach.? Chandler, after being fined $10,000 for giving the referee the finger in a 30-point loss to Houston: ?It had nothing to do with the referee. It was more frustration with me and my teammates. If I could do it again, I would flip myself and my teammates off.? Indiana?s Scot Pollard, after a fan at a recent road game yelled, ?Hey, Pollard you suck!?: ?Yeah, but I get paid a lot to suck.? Boston coach Doc Rivers, on the stress of being an NBA head coach: ?I deal with it in my own way. I yell at my wife more. That?s why it?s probably good she?s in Orlando, because it?s long distance.? Jeanie Buss, girlfriend of Laker coach Phil Jackson, on Jackson?s season away from coaching: ?All I know is, it?s taken me longer to get to Laker games this season. I?d like Phil to coach again so I would have somebody to go with me in the car-pool lane.? Avery Johnson, on subbing for Don Nelson as Dallas? coach: ?I don?t even get the same hotel room. He gets those presidential suites. I get the ones that are on a diet.? Maybe my favorite in NBA circles comes from Cleveland?s Drew Gooden, on the ups and downs he has faced through his career: ?I?ve had to overcome a lot of diversity.? And we just had to include this gem from ABC sideline reporter Suzy Shuster to Nebraska football coach Bill Callahan, after players dumped a bucket of Gatorade on his head following a victory over Colorado: ?Was that one of the more gratifying dumps you?ve had??</div> http://www.portlandtribune.com/archview.cgi?id=33199
