What?! Someone lifted a similar version of the joke I lifted from a joke site before I lifted mine? If you want originality you're going to have to up my wages around here.
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day. First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.". The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."
One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.
“Bernie is just ideologically a communist," Gundlach added. "He got thrown out of a commune for being too lazy back when he was young."
Every joke is funny with the right delivery...... Except abortion jokes, of course because they have no delivery. Love this joke because it makes everyone uncomfortable, but doesn't side with either stance on the subject.
Q; How many sexual deviants does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1. But it takes the whole emergency staff to remove it.
Why was Trump afraid to screw in a lightbulb? Orange Glo Why wouldn't Trump screw in the lightbulb? It refused to sign a non disclosure agreement. How many Trump's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2. One to screw it in and one to pay it $150,000 to stay silent
